Colors

I love this time of year.  From the depth of my soul I know God does too.  The sleepy earth is transformed into a myriad of color.  The brown drab grass turns green.  Bud start peeking out of the bare ground.

God loves color.  Nature is full of it.  People are too.  Look around the world and you can't help but be in awe of the palette God used to enliven the world.  Yellow must be a color a happiness.  From the shining sun to the majesty of the bright daffodils, yellow is sure to put a smile on your face.

I love to see the trees in bloom.  My daughter and I go on nature walks looking for signs that Spring is really here.  We seek out the smallest bud on rose bushes.  We push back left over fall leaves to new growth, that winter didn't claim the plant, just allowed it to rest.  It's an exciting time - things change, each day a new surprise.

I look forward to the crocus.
I look forward to the daffodils.
I look forward to the tulips. 
I can't wait to smell the blossoming trees.

Praise God for His handiwork in Spring.  It refreshes the world and my soul.

Just Where God has Me

My mind always races it seems.  I go from having the right attitude to a covetous one.  Why am I always waiting for "it" to happen.  Like what I have isn't "it", but what is surely going to happen will be "it".  As if right now I'm not doing what I was made to do, but soon I will be when "it" happens.  For I am incomplete now, then I will be closer to complete.

This "it" is short sided when I think it will happen this side of eternity.  It won't.  Ever.  My soul longs for "it" to be here.  For me to have that job that will give me identity and something to fill my time.  That my body will heal and I will be able to do all that I want to do.  That what I'm currently doing is just waiting with a purpose for those things to happen.  Yet, this whole life is waiting with a purpose - to be made holy in the wait.

I want to be done with the thoughts of when will I have more on earth.  To embrace where I am, for it is important and just where God has me - for there is so much peace in it.  But peace is a choice.  It is a choice I have to make.  The only conflict rages within me when I allow the thoughts of when "it" happens to trap me in discontent.  

I am done with conflict within.  I do not want to hear it.  I will replace those thoughts with thankfulness of life right now and the path my Father has me on.  To pray for others I know need God's direction as well. 

Demise or Opportunity

My heart is wrenched near daily - or at least when I watch the news - at what is going on in this world.  From natural disasters of floods, fire, tornadoes and hurricanes to man made disasters of bombs, explosions and war.  It's wondering how much should I fear the monsters of this world.  It's wondering if my niece keeps walking the path she's on, she at risk to be kidnapped into the sex trade or her life will just be over on this world.

When will the demise of this world stop?  Where can we go to get away from it all?  It seems the human race is bend on destroying all that is good, corrupting the innocent, violating each other in the deepest ways possible.

As my heart broke at the last incident, I couldn't help but wonder...Is this an opportunity?  An opportunity for God to move.  An opportunity for a revival to grasp the hearts and melt them.  An opportunity for God's people to stand up and become the tools of salvation for the God they love.

Opportunity brings hope.  It says tomorrow will be better, for we do our best today.  I am prone to doubt, yet if I see everything, every situation as an opportunity for God to move BIG, to show His mighty power, I can look past all the mess and right at the work God is doing.  I can see Jesus in the hearts of others.  I can allow the Holy Spirit to do His work and get out of the way!

Plus to forgetting things

Quick post on forgetting things.  I need to stick with reading my Bible daily for I often forget what I wrote.  Thankfully I don't feel guilty anymore for this.  I know even if I can't remember the words that my soul is enjoying the food and is storing up all I need.

If I forget something, the next time I study it, it is new teaching and I am awed once more by the passage of scripture.  It also keeps scripture alive, for it is a living Word, it sustains my soul.

How It Could Be

The Spirit wouldn't let me go resting in the joy of God's affirmation.  Why it is so great is the change in me that allowed me to see it all.

Discontent would have been my attitude.  I would have been frustrated.  I would have blamed D or K for somehow moving what I was looking for.  Yet those thoughts never came until I looked for the difference.

Discontent over not having a greater work than caring for my home and family.  The world (and my father) dictates that an able, educated woman should seek full time employment so to make more money so we can have more things, hire someone to clean my home, eat junk because I deserved not to cook...oh I could go on, but you get the picture.

Thoughts of why things never stay where I put them.  Why couldn't things go smoothly?  Why must I be plagued with all these little frustrations that are causing others to be inconvenienced?  I would have been angry, full of self-pity and just plan ugly.  Oh, and I wouldn't have time to exercise or eat well either, because I need that food to make me 'feel' better.

Yes, looking at all the possible reactions to this circumstance, I can only praise God all the more.  For He has changed me.  I am being sanctified and enabled to respond to the circumstance with truth, not react with selfishness.  Any attempt at a bad attitude I quickly spoke truth and did not allow the thoughts to run free in my mind.

God is good!!

Distracted

Distraction is a tool the enemy uses to make Christians ineffective.  I know I’m often distracted.  I posted on mind control, my need to know and now the rest of my distractions.

With the start of the school year, I have more time on my own.  God has set aside the next school year for me to focus my life on Him and go through the training to be a counselor.  It starts the fourth of September for the first level.  I’m excited to spend time studying God’s word and how to help people with it. 

Distraction:

~ Over schedule myself again.  I did this last year and was ineffective.  I’ve stood firm in my withdrawal of some of the serving that I do. 

~ I wasn’t going to look for a job, but a few clicks lead me to a part time job I would be perfect doing, however, it is not what God called me to do until I fully understand what I will need to do in my training. 

~ Diving into other Bible studies to where I’m so many that I won’t remember what I studied and it will turn into 'get it done.'  I don’t want to just do it, but want to allow God to speak to me in His way and to allow Him to change me. 

~ Books I want to read.  At one point I was reading three books at once and not remember what was in it.  So I put them all aside, focused on one to completion. 

It’s basically the ‘do it all’ mentality.  Wanting something to happen that I take it upon myself to make it happen.  I will trust God, His timing and provision.  I have said this to myself over and over as I said no to each distraction.  No to getting a job, no to joining additional Bible study, no to leading Bible Club, no to computer time, no to books or TV. 

I will do things one at a time, not set my extras on a self-imposed timeline.  I have things that will be on schedule, it silly to over schedule the extras.  The extras are to fill in the margin, not overflow to the important stuff.

Need to Know

With the Olympics going on, I wondered about some of the happenings.  The story behind the story.  With it being the last week my girl is home, I didn’t want to devote myself to these stories and miss my time with her.  It is something I don’t really need to know.

This had me thinking on my internet usage.  I love to search for information.  To look up anything that comes to conversation or mind that is not known.  Like what is the rules to handball?  This was my hubby’s request, not mine. 

How much time do I waste going over senseless bunny trails of the information highway?  It made me realize that I often forgo time with my girl for time gaining information that has very little usefulness.  Usefulness of what is in my life is something God is working in me right now (see August preview post).

I’m convicted on this point.  I don’t want my daughter to grow up thinking adults sit hours on end on the computer. 

So the change to the situation is to spend the less time on the computer right.  My actions will be:

• No more than fifteen minutes in the morning – to check email, news and anything else.
• While I’m with Kat in the afternoons – no computer time.  If I think of something I want to look up, I will write it down and look up during my next computer time.
• Ask myself if I’m looking up useful information?  Do I really need this information or is it something that distracts me from the eternal.  This point God is weighing on me, I’ll write more later.

So, Do I need to know or let go?

I don't eat sweets

This used to be my response to anyone who offered me sweets.  Then they usually say "What?"  I add, "God has called me to give up sweets."  Response: "you are so strong, I don't think I could ever do that" or "you are stronger than I am."

Unfortunately, the conversation dies off after that since others don't want the guilt of someone else exercising self-control successfully.  Although I tried to give God the glory, I felt it was laid on my feet because of the way I presented the conversation.  I do not deserve any glory, so things had to change. 

Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit.  This is not of my spirit, but the Holy Spirit.  And believe me, it is something I tried for years to do concerning food.  I could not do it on my own efforts and definitely was not motivated for my health.  I could not do it for me.

God called me to do it for Him, so that sweets no longer come before Him.  It is only through His enabling do I do anything good.  I have no self-control when it comes to food on my own.  Only through Him who strengthens me.

So my response is to start with "No thank you," and leave it at that.  If pressed, then I can present it to the person, hopefully in a way to bring God glory.  In doing that, I must remove myself from the equation and point to Jesus.  I can't have a canned response, but respond to each person with the words the Spirit gives me. 

Giving up sweets is from God to me and not to be imposed by me on someone else.  I do hope to encourage anyone is in bondage over food, that with God's enabling, you can do it to.  I was a mess and God cleaned me up.  He's still cleaning me.  He's turning my mess into my message.  Self-control doesn't just happen, it is developed by choosing God's way at each choice.  I didn't do it perfectly, but I made progress and that's what matters.

To God be the Glory.

It's harmless...

Like a scarecrow in a melon patch, their idols cannot speak; they must be carried because they cannot walk.  Do not fear them; they can do no harm nor can they do any good.  Jeremiah 10:5

I stopped in my tracts reading this passage.  That last line: "they can do no harm nor can they do any good." 

Whoa...no harm, no good?  How much does this world say "that's harmless."  That's one of the mantras of this world.  Convince everyone that everything is harmless, nothing to think over.  Harmless, it won't hurt.  

Yet bring that with "nor can they do any good."  If it's so harmless, why keep it if it's not good.  God is good.  We should strive to have good in our lives.  I don't have room for harmless.  It is an opening for Satan to get to me.  

It's harmless, I hear, to eat a sweet treat from time to time.  Oh, for me, no good will come from it, for it may trigger an eating binge like no other.

It's harmless to watch that tv program.  But what message is it sending my daughter or me on what is right and good in the world?  Does it spark judgment of others in me?  Enter impure thoughts?  What good comes from that harmless show?  

And internet pages?  Is is harmless or is there good coming from it?  Pinterest is all the craze right now?  Is is harmless?  Is it good for people to spend hours on end pinning and coveting what other have?  It's the attitude to be wary of.

Speaking of attitudes.  It's harmless that I may get upset while driving?  Harmless that I lose my temper?  Oh, no good comes from that, no matter how temperate I am in the rest of my life.  

Satan will take any foothold you give him.  Don't allow harmless to be the entry point.  No good will come from it.

editing to add:
Life Principle: Idols are not harmless, they need to be gone.

All I ever needed

I awoke to peace.  I wonderful night rest behind me and a day full of promises lay before me.  I received another blessing from God the night before.  He sent another messenger to confirm what He and I discussed the previous day.  


Peace and comfort surrounded me.  My first thought of the morning is how blessed I am.  How I have more than I could ever need.  And in that, I should unclutter my home and life of things I thought I needed and really just wanted to fill the space. 


Not that I'm hurrying the next few weeks, but watch out, when school is back in session, the things in our house will shrink.  I'm looking forward to it.  He has plans for me.  Until I'm ready to step into those plans, He wants me to do the best I can right here, right now.  That is take care of my family and home.

The World through God's Lenses

I've enjoyed opportunities to observe people and think of why they do what they do (compassion).  I have thought over several post analyzing what I saw.  I couldn't bring myself to posting since it either felt like I was judging or gossiping.


In talking it over with God, He showed me that had I not been so close to Him, I would have been oblivious of the message He wanted me to observe.


When it comes down to it, it isn't about what these people did or didn't do, but in what God wants to make me aware of that could tempt me.  He wants me to seek application from Holy Spirit revelation in every situation.  When I make God the center of my life, every moment is an opportunity for application. 

I am thankful for His perspective.  Since it helps me observe with compassion, therefore pray with compassion.  I can see the real need, not what they are wanting.  And in doing so, I may be blessed with the opportunity to speak God's wisdom to them.  

Some questions I've asked myself and will ask as I continue to mature in Christ:

Do I demand or do I encourage?
Do I seek control or do I teach?
In parenting - do I get in the way of K being dependent of God?
Do I seek fulfillment in the world when the only thing that can truly satisfy is spending real time with God? 
Do I seek my own way to the point that I am inflexible to the needs of others?

God's in the Driver's Seat

When I try to drive from the passenger seat, I am left anxious, skittish, afraid to look where I am going.  I'm paranoid of other drivers.


On our road trip, for that matter, whenever our family goes anywhere, D usually drives.  He prefers it over just sitting in the car.  On our recent trip, I could make minor adjustments - like turn the wipers on faster (this drives me crazy), turn on the defrost (I think he wants to drive blindly), I can point out hazards.  I can allow myself to get anxious, uptight and jumpy. Basically do all I can to control the situation despite the fact that I don't have control.


I don't even enjoy the ride.  I miss the scenery.  I'm focused on the wrong things.  I'm trying to go my own way with him in control.  I'm allowing him to take me along, but I'm not going willingly.


Do I trust him?  When I remind myself of our past.  I do not trust other drivers and I'm applying my past on him.  I've never been in a serious accident with him.  He can drive like there isn't an inch of ice on the road when there is.  No matter how stressful the traffic is, he is calm even a little daring.


And the important question: Do I do this to God?  Do I try to make little adjustments to make the journey better?  Do I follow along, resisting the path He has chosen?  Do I focus on the wrong things and miss the important things along the way?  Do I forget His past faithfulness?  


God, I give you the driver's seat.  Take me where You will.

MTC Session 5 and 6

This post wraps up my review of the Made to Crave Study.  


Session 5:
Failure to Victorious.  I was a failure, no longer.  I am Victorious!  I live within the God boundaries.  He created me, has plans for me and knows what I need.  Within His boundaries I can life life to the fullest.
 
Doing God's work is food for my soul.  I can not go through the day without it! 


Session 6:
Going forward, I must boldly allow God to change me.  To not resist His plans, will, way.  To allow Him to choose what's best for me in all areas of my life.  


Leading a group:
This is the first group I lead.  I'm sadden to report that after session 5, there was a sharp drop off of attendance.  It got to the point to really change.  Those who had higher expectation of change out of this study vanished and even avoided me at church, phone calls and email (I didn't stalk, but did try to make contact and encourage).  I have done this in the past at the beginning of allowing God to remove the sin of gluttony from my life.  


My advice to anyone who starts a study like this: Keep going.  You are not failing, even if there is no substantial changes during the study.  As a whole, there is so much God wants to speak to you.  He wants you to get everything out of this study.  He called you to it.  Listen, do and have patience with God.  He will change you.  Trust Him.  


All that said, I would lead another group.

Surprise!!!

Let me climb on my soap box for a moment.  Stop telling kids everything that will happen before it happens.  This week I worked hard to have special time with kids and my helper told her daughter, who then told her class and the surprise was ruined.  


I mean is it so bad that children have to wait to find out what will happen?  I remember the few surprises in my childhood a loved it, all because the adult had enough control not to tell me.  I came from a low income family, so surprises were few and far between, but incredibly special.


This week I have an opportunity to help at field day at K's school.  She began her twenty questions, but I didn't tell her.  If they tell her at school, that is fine, but I won't.  She AND her class needs to find out when it happens in my opinion.  K is privy to a lot of what's going to happen since I or D leads a lot of her functions (someone has to).  So I strive not to let her know everything, so she can enjoy it, not waiting and expecting what will happen.


Of course, now I'm humbled as the Holy Spirit breezes in to me "this is how your Father deals with you, wait and enjoy His surprises."  Yes, yes, I get and thank you.  I don't often get to know more than the next step, I will be content in that!

MTC Session 3 and 4

During session 3, God was speaking to me and many levels.  Some of the following is not from the Made to Crave book. 


I can't, God can - no matter what I set my mind to do.  I will always fail.  God will not!


I want my life to be defined by my obedience to God, nothing else (weight, size, possessions, etc.)  This change in thinking was tremendous for me.  I didn't get the first time around in this study.  Now when the junk starts entering my head, I can compare to how I am obedient and know whether I'm truly failing or succeeding.  If I am failing, I know what I need to do to get back into fellowship with my God, back into obedience.  That is the only thing that matters, really.  From my obedience, I can fulfill all those things I love (spending time with my family, service) and those things I don't (cleaning the litter box or middle of the night sickness.)


That even though I'm having a lot of muscle pain, I can move (which WILL help) in that pain to glorify God.


That I need to consider my motives.  This clicked for some reason.  It's like a duh? moment.  It's so reasonable, but I didn't do it.  This made to really look at why I stopped eating sweets.  Why I'm using the computer, TV, books I read, in all that I do in obedience.  Is it for me or something else?  For if I don't know why I'm doing something, shouldn't I give it more thought?


Lastly for session 3, I need to bring my mind, body and spirit into communion.  The verse says Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  Matthew 22:37.  I found that I would two of these things in communion, working together for my good.  However, I need to have all three working together.  I need to work my body so that it improves and maintains health, but does not zap all my energy for my mind.  That I don't devote so much time to my health and entertaining my mind that I do not feed my spirit food (scripture, prayer).  


For session 4, I also read excerpt from the new Made to Crave for Young Women book.  I think a statement in this this summed up session 4.  "Seeking legitimate things illegitimate ways."  This session is on replacing lies with truth.  It again encouraged me to keep memorizing scripture.  What I want is legitimate, but am I seeking the right way to get there or am I seeking the easy route.  What would happen if Jesus did this?  Satan tempted Him to be the king over all the nations, if only He bow down to satan.  It is legitimate  outcome, but Jesus did not take the easy - wrong way.  He went through the cross to get there and brought me with Him.  For that, I am eternally grateful.

A heart prepared...part 3

Part 1
Part 2

Not long after this, terrible tornadoes swept across the nation.  As I watched on the news, I felt the desire growing to be part of a first response team that goes into the crisis epicenter.  Not to be the one handing out water, but the one giving emotional support, pointing people to God.

This culminated when during another sermon about service.  My thought was I can be part of the counseling ministry they want to start, then God whispered bigger.  I tried to put Him in a box, but He pushed my thoughts bigger.  Bigger to be part of a first response.  Bigger to be on the front line on the missionary field.  Bigger!

So, the direction He gave was to enroll in a local Christian counseling program.  This is part of the life group I wanted to take above, but couldn’t.  This fall I will start with level one, then proceed through all 5 levels over the next few years.  This is the first step to equip me for the work He has laid out.

May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. Hebrews 13:21 

It is an answered prayer.  I wanted so long to find the direction He wanted me to go.  I would ask, but put all my stipulations on it...no childcare for K, salary, no summer hours...oh the silly things I thought!  I love how God is leading me to freedom in Him.  It is great that He’s calling me to this important work for Him.  The gal who often says the wrong thing and has difficulty remember Bible passages or form coherent sentences sometimes.  God is good!

A heart prepared part 2

See part 1 here.   

God put the parable of the good Samaritan before me several times, although this time I saw something different.  The man did what he could for the injured.  He cleaned him, clothed him, took him someplace to get additional care.  His schedule didn’t allow him to stay, so he made arrangement for care and then moved on, vowing to return.  He did what he could, then moved on - not forgetting - just carrying on his work.

I started to pray for God’s will in what I’m doing.  I finally reached a peace about enjoying the current work I did for Him.  Somewhere in my head I thought that I couldn’t really enjoy the work, because I didn’t want to do it.  How crazy is that?  I did it because last summer God said to do it.  After going back and forth with my attitude at the start, I still harbored a poor attitude about it.  I realized He called me to do the work, equipped me, disciplined me in that work and grew me spiritually.  If I’m doing His work, I should allow His joy to seep down to my very soul, not withhold because I hope He’ll change His mind.

Then there was the sermon on service, using our spiritual gifts.  I hadn’t done a spiritual gift survey, so that week I did.  One told me my gifts were faith, poverty, serve/help for my top three.  The other said administration, teaching and showing mercy.  Being a former accountant, I wasn’t surprised at administration. 

Poverty surprised me.  It spoke of how well I would do in the missionary field for I don’t put a lot of value in material possession.  Yet another unknown praise for my childhood.  During the time I resisted submitting to God, missionary work was my fear.  I just knew He would call me to some third world nation were I would be miserable.

Ha!!!  See how much I needed to learn?  Well I do see missionary work in my future.  I accept it and plan to train for it.  It will start slow with a week mission, but I can see it developing into full time or majority time.  When this all will happen, I know not, God just showed me a glimpse.  I will trust in His timing.

Stay tuned for part 3

Junk not Welcomed

Well, all the junk in my head had to stop this week.  In reaching out in prayer, God has revealed some things to me that I do need to work on.  He is revealing Himself to me, allowing me to know Him better.   I edited some of my post to reflect the change in thinking He directed me to.

Read here how I have a tendency to try to fix things on my own.  I’ve gone through a spell where on one side I’m running on all cylinders and focused on God’s plan for me.  On the down side, I keep finding things I need to fix.  As if I could really change on my own. 

Thankfully, a weight lifted when God showed this to me.  This whole maturing in Christ, being Christ-like is a LIFETIME process.  It can’t be and won’t be done until I’m called to be with Christ.  I suppose it pride that wants perfection now.  I need to have more grace with myself and press on towards the goal before me.

I’ll post soon what plan God has laid before me.  I’m excited, yet I’m learning patience because all of it takes time and can’t be done right now. 

Pleasing Jesus

⁸ (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)
³¹ Meanwhile his disciples urged him, “Rabbi, eat something.”
 ³² But he said to them, “I have food to eat that you know nothing about.”
 ³³ Then his disciples said to each other, “Could someone have brought him food?”
   ³⁴ “My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. ³⁵ Don’t you have a saying, ‘It’s still four months until harvest’? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. ³⁶ Even now the one who reaps draws a wage and harvests a crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together. ³⁷ Thus the saying ‘One sows and another reaps’ is true. ³⁸ I sent you to reap what you have not worked for. Others have done the hard work, and you have reaped the benefits of their labor.” John 4: 8, 31-38

I'm still amazed as to how much can be gleaned from this passage with the Samaritan woman.  I recently looked again at the interaction with the disciples around Jesus and the Samaritan woman.

The disciples went into town to buy food.  They were in an area that disgusted them, as the Samaritans were half breeds and according to their law, did not worship God properly.  Samaritans also worshiped idols.  

Yet they went into town to do what they thought would please Jesus.  

Meanwhile, Jesus is working on the spiritual needs, not physical.  So when the disciples return, they wonder what physical food Jesus ate.  What about their effort to get food from the town?  Jesus points out the harvest of Samaritans that were coming towards them.  This is the first time Jesus includes gentiles in His ministry.

I want to go back to what the disciples were doing.  They did what they thought Jesus wanted.  They thought they were pleasing Him with their works.

Do I do that?  Do I say, "I'm going to do this for God.  I want You to notice God and bless me for what I'm doing for you."?  Yet, I fulfill my need by what I did.

Yes, what I do should be for God, but is it God's will?  Am I telling God I'm willing to do what ever you ask as long as I can stay in my safe little place.  And PLEASE, don't ask me to speak to the Samaritans.  It was degrading enough just to purchase food from them.  Am I so focused on my own physical needs that I miss the spiritual needs before me?  

I am challenged to think outside my safe little world.  To look beyond what is happening before me.  To look the the spiritual aspects of those around me.  To point to Jesus, just as the Samaritan woman did.  

I've been patient (well perhaps not completely).  God is revealing His plan for me.  He's showing me the way.  Putting the people in my path to speak with.  He's formulating a plan.  Will I step completely on His next step for me?  We shall see. 

Testimony

My church asked for us to write our testimony.  Keep it short.  Well that's hard for me to do, although I didn't go into a lot of details.  I thought I should post my message here as well.  

I am one of eight children - my dad's youngest, my mother's 3rd to youngest.  I spent time being the youngest, middle and oldest child at home.  I did not grow up in the church.  Up to the time I was nine, I only attended VBS.  At nine, my cousin took me to with her to church.  The church she attended the last time they lived in the area had moved to just two blocks from our home.  In fact, it was where my bus stop was.  Over the next few years, I was able to attend regularly.

We moved away for the school year.  The next summer we moved back and I went to church camp with that church.  During this week, I learned about Jesus and asked Him into my heart.  It was the first time I remember His peace washing over me. 

When we settled in our new home, a neighbor invited me to her church that lived by a lot of rules.  I learned all the things I shouldn’t do to be a true Christian.  This caused me to pull away from God, since I messed up a lot.  As an adult, I attended church sometimes, but felt I needed to cleanup my act and stop sinning before I could draw close to God. 

In my mid-twenties, my brother committed suicide.  God was the only place I had to turn.  He helped me get through.  Unfortunately, the weight of my guilt stopped me from seeking Him.  I did faithfully pray everyday, usually for Him to change my circumstances.  

Fast-forward a few years, D and I were married.  We agreed not to have children.  Yet God had a bigger, better plan.  He sent K just a few months after our marriage.  I knew I wanted to raise her in the church and give her all the love and care I did not receive as a child. 

In June 2007, I submitted my life to God.  I was convicted to know Him better.  At the time, Bible study was boring.  How could I do it everyday?  Through bringing more mature Christians into my life and preparation of my heart within a year, I was doing daily study – almost.  Within two years I was in BSF.  In the fall of 2009, church had a baptism Sunday.  My heart pounded yet again when people were baptized.  When my pastor turned to us and gave reasons to be truly baptized, I could only say yes.  D felt the same.

It’s been a wonderful marriage to see how we went from a self-centered lifestyle to a God-centered one.  To not only see the transformation of my own life, but that of my life-mate.  To see the wonderful heart God is creating in my daughter.

For me, I went from a rude, impatient, angry person to a kind, calm and patient (most of the time) person.  I don’t even look the same.  I went from a size 20W to a size 8.  I praise God for saving me from myself.  

 God is good!