Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Happy for you

A friend today finally came public on her success to have two books published.  I am very happy for her.  Yes, I aspire one day to be a novelist, I can truly say I'm happy for her and hope she has great success - along with looking forward to reading her work.

Yet, because of my own dream, I'm a little disheartened.  With myself, not her.  See I struggle with sharing my work, I posted on that before.  At different points I even felt God called me to give up this dream.  However, it comes back.  I'm disheartened because her bravery shows my cowardice. 

I flash back to kindergarten (come walk with me there).  It was the first time I remember having a whole room laugh at me and awakening a desire for it never to happen again.  I was alone in my play center and my teacher neglected to notice the rest of my group was absent.  I quietly played, put the babies to bed and sat down with my pretend cup of tea in the rocker.  A little boy pointed at me and said, "Hey look, she looks like a grandma."  Everyone laughed.  And did I mention my hair was in a bun?

It seems funny now.  I was so embarrassed and wished it to never happen again.  As any introvert knows, embarrassing things happen often. 

Fortunately, I've come along way.  Especially once I committed my life to God.  That memory is with me though.  It is a tool satan uses to keep me from moving forward.  I commit my writing to God.  If  When He sends someone my way to read my stories, I will give it out.  Writing is a gift God gave me for His glory, to be given to others.  To help them in their walk with God.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Spirit prayer

So what shall I do? I will pray with my spirit, but I will also pray with my understanding; I will sing with my spirit, but I will also sing with my understanding.  1 Cor. 14:15

I studied a little bit on praying in the spirit versus praying with my words and thoughts.  In the example 1 Corinthian 14, praying in the spirit is praying in tongues.

To be honest, I've tried the pray in tongues, however, I'm to conscious of what I'm doing.  I just can't get into it.  I know a lot of people are on both sides of the fence with this topic and this post isn't about that.  I can only go with what scripture tells me.  Speaking in tongues is a gift.  It is not one I'm blessed with right now.

But does that mean my spirit doesn't pray?  I don't think so.  No where does it say the spirit only prays in tongues.  Then God revealed Himself to me on this issue.

While I was struggling with doubt and had my focus wrong, my spirit was in prayer for me.  I was off inside, but I sought God, continued to study His word and do what He led me to do.  Out of that obedience, I now have revelation. 

Revelation is so awesome.  To come to a new understanding that I didn't possess before.  Looking back I can tell that to spirit was in prayer for me.  Once I released some of the junk in my head and faithfully showed obedience, things fell into place.  Something I listened three times now sinks in.  My mind is now in a place to hear and understand what the spirit has prayed for me to get.

Only when I gave up myself.  Only when I kept my focus on God.  Only when I allowed Him to prioritize my days.  It all worked out.

Although I said I didn't have time to write, God has opened the door back up for me to write.  He created a few pockets of time and gave me the revelation on what to write.  I was obedient to push pause, now He says go, so I stopped and now I go.   

Monday, November 12, 2012

Stepping out

In all that I've shared, right now I'm putting this blog on hold.  The posts are slow in coming anyway.  I don't have a lot of time to post and God has revealed it's not where I need to focus right now anyway.

So Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas - just in case I'm not back until the New Year - Happy New Year.  God bless you.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Doubt creeps in

I shared my victory and now I'll share my doubt.  It was hard to write about during the two weeks doubt pressed on my heart.  Dread came as well, because I thought about last year and how I got into a funk that lasted several months and included me going on a sugar binge.  

What happened?  Not really important.  Now that I look back, it was little incidents that magnified in my mind.  I already shared a few issues I took care of like projects that need finished or put away for later.  My lessons were on tough subjects that condemnation pressed in.  

Through it all, I repeated God's ways, His words, I countered every lie in my head with His truth and asked for Him to show me.  

That He did.  I made my lessons about me.  I made the projects about me.  I made a lot of things about me.  To be honest, when things are about me, I'm not nearly as dedicated or motivated to stick with it.  I've let myself down so many times that it's expected to fall short.  

As I cried out for direction, I put going to bed early for search of God's message.  It wasn't about me.  Thankfully, when it's about others I'm motivated.  When it's for God, I can't be stopped.  Why?  Because He is behind it.  It took a couple days for my emotions to catch up with my head.  During those days, God managed my time, helped me to focus.  I was able to do what I thought would take twice as long.  I ticked along in awe of the God I serve.  

God is so good.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Provisions given

I have a few items that I've wanted, some needed, but I've been patient, waiting for God to open the doors.  Back in May I wanted a Kindle ereader.  However, I patiently looked research and finally settled that the Samsung tablet would meet my families needs.  Next was to wait on the price.  In trusting that God would make it possible if it was a blessing for me and He did.  I was able get a new tablet at a cost of $50 out of pocket.  I used sale price, online gift card I earned and yard sale money.  I was pleased that my patience paid off.  I praise God that I was able to have the patience that I didn't run out and buy the best I could get back in May.  

Now a week later, He opened the door for another purchase at a great price.  I wanted two dressers and a filing cabinet.  I've looked at resale shops and on Craig's list.  I wasn't comfortable with anything I saw.  Again, if I'm impatient, I will just go with what's available, which is often not the best for me.  I shopped for this again this past week.  I found a couple good deals, I just didn't have peace over the selection, so I postponed with the options before me.  I said many times to myself that the Lord knows my needs and He will provide.

After I dropped Kat off to school, I headed to the library.  On the way was a moving sale sign.  I turned and found the house.  In my mind I could see a filing cabinet.  As I walked into the garage, there was the cabinet.  It looked like it might be part of the garage, but as I walked closer, it had a tag on it.  Not only did I get the cabinet for a great price, it locked - with keys and it came with enough hanging file folders for me to file every lose piece of paper in my house.  

Again, I am in awe of God's blessings.  Had I settled on a dresser that didn't quite meet my measurements earlier this week, I wouldn't have purchased the filing cabinet.  I know God provided the cabinet because I need it now more than dressers.  It will bring more organization to my home, which you may remember, has been a goal over the past few month.

It's simple, it's amazing.  It's God's provision and His blessing on His children who are patient for His provision.  I can trust Him to provide.

And in an odd way, this is the second time in a week that God allowed me to foresee what I would purchase, and how I would purchase, before I arrived at the place of purchase.  It's kind of neat and I hope it continues.

Thursday, November 1, 2012


It's all around.  This year, I've made wiser choices.  This year, I've experienced victory - courteous of my Lord and Savior Jesus.

I'm going strong with my no sweets eating.  I did partake in a few bites randomly when it was part of the experience, but the times are few and far between.  

October is usually a month of anguish for me.  I want to diet - to look good for the holidays, yet the abundance of candy and sweet are to tempting for me.  Look at that sentence, it was all about me.  Last year this time I was deep into eating whatever, not caring for my health.  Needless to say when Christmas came around and God called me to give up sugar, I needed to obey on so many levels - both spiritually and physically.

My experience yesterday.  Kat came home from her travels around the neighborhood.  In her stash:  3 Musketeer bar.  Full size, not one of the bite size (which she had as well).  It struck me that this candy bar is a comfort food for me.  It is part of my earliest memories.  Yes, I remember being 3 years old and asking for this candy bar.  However, I've learned to turn to God for comfort, not food.  What a journey to get there.  I'm not perfect with it yet (ask me about a week before my cycle), but this is great victory and I'm celebrating!  

Other things I did this year:

I didn't buy a big stash in the off chance we would get a lot of visitors.  My rural community could go either way.  I decided that if I ran out, I ran out.  BTW, I didn't run out.  Next, I stuck to non-chocolate candy.  Yes, I know it isn't a favorite with the kids.  My waist line and victory is more important than that.  I knew and acknowledge if I bought our favorites, I would be at a greater risk of "just this once."  Now I'm not.

Yes, victory is wonderful.  I will continue to call on God to help me stand firm on this point.  To help me choose to obedience over my whelms of the day.  God will help you, just ask.  Seek His will.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...