Asking Forgiveness

Today I had to ask forgiveness.  I knew it was the right thing to do as I approached the gal I had offended, my heart nearly thumped out of my chest. 

My words were not gentle - the Bible clearly says to speak gently, especially when trying to restore a brother (in this case sister) to the Lord.  I hadn't organized my thoughts (meaning write them down) and they all came rushing out.  Rushed speech from me usually sounds harsh.

Seeking forgiveness is a quick way to change, at least for me.  I don't enjoy the process, the convictions, the waiting to go to the person. I am thankful for it - as it indicates God is working within me.

I used to ignore the need to ask forgiveness.  I would be extra kind to the person to "make up" for how I treated them in the past.  I might apologize - which only points to how sorry I am for knowing I was trespassing on the other, but did it anyway.  It isn't repenting, in hopes to not sin in that way again. 

Points of forgiveness:

• Ask forgiveness - from the other person and from God.
• Admit guilt of sin and state sin.
• Put yourself at the mercy of the other person - a humble position.
• Seek to restore the relationship - with others and God.

Once forgiveness is granted, don't allow guilt to hang on - there is no condemnation in Christ.  Lingering guilt dishonors God.  If the other person evokes guilt to try to manipulate you - they are in the wrong - both that their forgiveness wasn't genuine and they are attempting to make you to use works for their self serving desires. 

Seeking forgiveness doesn't mean there's no acts to do.  It doesn't mean the consequences of my sin is absolved.  Some sins have lifelong consequences that just don't go away.  But in all - God will redeem.

Which Way Is Right?

I missed my turn.  I was driving to Bible Study and after a month of driving to this location I missed my turn.  I suppose I was lost in thought.  Ok, I would just turn at the next street.  Then I arrived at the street in which I normally turn, but now I would do so much back tracking, surely it would be better to continue down this street - it is bound to arrive in the same place.  Yet, I was in a subdivision from the 70/80.  You know the ones without a straight road to be found.  I was curving and turning, but I got to the other side.  Sitting at the stop sign on County Line Rd. I had a choice to go left or right.  I couldn't see any landmarks to help my decision.  My internal sense said to turn left.  So I took a deep breath and turned right.  In a quarter mile I was on the road I needed (and had to back track the same amount if I had taken the turn earlier.)

It made me think that so many times in my life I think I'm making the right decision.  My sinful nature that died when I accepted Christ still has lingering habits of sin.  That "natural" tendency is opposite of the supernatural Christ in me. 

My choices can often be self serving and for my kingdom.  Sometimes when my heart resists something - I purposely do it for I know it is the right thing to do. 

Times I've been aware of this:

Desire to not do the dishes - allowing the lazy person in me to put it off.
Desire to hang onto our money and not give the offering - trusting money rather than God's provision.
Desire to stay home - allowing self focused time trump fellowship with others.
Desire to eat that sugar laden treat, which will cause headaches, sugar surge and further cravings in addition to bloating.
Desire to take the easy way - when God has a lot to teach in the journey.

So to purposely choose what I know is right, but is against my flesh is hard.  I was reminded of 2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

May I allow God's grace to help me.

Security

I had heard the lesson many times, but it finally sunk into my soul.  I grasped the whole concept.  I am set free from my bondage.  It is the need for security.  We can seek in vain to be secure.  The bank account at just the right amount.  The debt paid off.  Holding on time to personal information.

Some are paralyzed by the desire to be secure.  Their choices are dominated by their fears.  Some can't leave their homes.  Others will only venture out at just the right time - perhaps when there's no snow/rain/clouds.  Some overprotect their children because of fear.

Some are mobilized because of fear.  They will work beyond their effective capacity in order to maintain a false sense of security.  Some will hover by loved ones, knowing they need to be the one to provide protection.

I heard this message the other way around - where do you place your securities, what idols do you have if it isn't God?  Yet to approach it from why I seek security?  What in me craves the security?

We were designed to want it.  It is part of that God hole in our hearts that we try to foolishly fill with anything other than God.  We might even have God in our hearts, but not allow Him to have this area - for we'd be out of control fully dependent on God if that were the case.  That. Is. Frightening.

But it can be frightening in a good way.

We are even good at convincing ourselves that we've allowed God into every area of our heart.  We think we're dependent on God for security.  However, what if my 'secure' life was altered?  It's only as secure as right now anyway.  What if having needed shelter meant living with a relative instead of my own home?  What if after an exhausting day I still had to go cook dinner (not take out)?  What if instead of a minor car accident my husband was in that it was a major one?  Yeah, that one would be a life changer for sure.

The point is what expectations, demands am I putting on God as a requirement to what security He provides me?  Do I expect to continue to live in my home or is shelter - shelter to me?  Do I expect my bank account to always be a certain amount or am I content that we have enough?  Do I demand to wear certain clothes or are clothes that cover good enough?  Do I demand that my family be sheltered from the cruelties of this world or am I confident that God will see me through any obstacle - keeping my mind set on eternity?

What did Jesus do?  Did He have a place to lay His head? No (Luke 9:58.)  Did He have a bank account?  No and the one keeping the money stole it (John 12:6.)  Did He always have food fit for a king?  No, but He ate well.  Did His Father shelter Him from the cruelties of the world?  No, He took on the full totality of the cruelties (Isaiah 53.)  Why?  He had His mind on eternity.  He wanted me (and you) to be there with Him.  He wanted to free me from seeking security in anything other than His Father.  Real security if found no where else.  Real security is in God. 

So let go of expectations.  Let go of worldly fears.  Release the layers of self-confidence and need to be self reliant.  Take the step to be fully dependent on God.  Oh Papa, help me to do just that!

Pride in My Plans

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will,we will live and do this or that.”As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.  James 4:13-17

I go along.  I'm being obedient.  God is granting me victory.  Then it hits.  That moment when it's me that's creating the victory.  It's me that makes the plans that will bring victory.  Yes, God's ways are working, but this and this will make it work even better.  Since weight loss is the easiest victory to talk about I'll apply it here.

For many years I prayed and God granted me small victories.  Then I would tweak the plan to get to goal faster.  I would set a deadline and all my self-control would go out the window.  I would FAIL.  Most times I was worse off than before.  Or I would begin to share with everyone my victory and how well I was doing.  Although I may say - God lead me.  It was about my pride, not bringing Him glory. 

This got me thinking about other areas where I may be living with defeat, I'll post soon.

Puffed up Knowledge

Now about food offered to idols: of course we know that all of us possess knowledge [concerning these matters. Yet mere] knowledge causes people to be puffed up (to bear themselves loftily and be proud), but love (affection and goodwill and benevolence) edifies and builds up and encourages one to grow [to his full stature].  If anyone imagines that he has come to know and understand much [of divine things, without love], he does not yet perceive and recognize and understand as strongly and clearly, nor has he become as intimately acquainted with anything as he ought or as is necessary. 1 Cor 8:1-2

This passage speaks of how knowledge is related to pride, as we exert privileges in the security of faith.  Paul is speaking of eating idol meat.  Since my eye is looking for any passage that speaks of pride, this one caught my attention.

Knowledge is a lure to increase pride.  That person who knows the Bible forward and back, yet does not know God – no personal relationship.  That person who has a critical eye on how things should be.  That person who is certain of being right, their heart is closed to learning. 

Paul contrast to the pride of knowledge with love.  Love builds up.  Love does not tout around advanced knowledge (pride of knowledge).  Love seeks wisdom (knowledge with application and heart change).  It looks to use knowledge to understand where others stand – not condemn anyone either.  To take the time to understand where others are at in their walk with God and not allow their actions to cause another to stumble.

But if one loves God truly [with affectionate reverence, prompt obedience, and grateful recognition of His blessing], he is known by God [recognized as worthy of His intimacy and love, and he is owned by Him]. 1 Cor 8:3

Anyone with puffed up knowledge thinks they know God.  Only through love can anyone know God.  Love recognizes that I am an example for others to follow.  Love knows what is permissible for me to do, yet I restrain myself out of consideration for my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Pride: Touchy Feelings

A couple things happened that caused my feelings to be hurt.  Some was a gentle reproach from a friend, some was me stepping out of my comfort zone, not communicating well and the consequences of stepping out.

It was these instances that an opportunity for growth happened.  I was led to read about love in 1 Corinthians 13 in the Amplified Bible. 

It  is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly.  Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it take no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. 1 Cor 13:5 (underline added)

Oh my, this verse cut down to what I was doing.  I was allowing my perceived rights, my fleshly sinful desires, my pride to prohibit me from loving.  The verse converged Love and pride in my heart.  I knew I could love better, now I could see that my pride got in the way!

My touchy feelings were a response of my pride.  I was looking for me to be safe and protected.  I wanted to be right.  I wanted to disregard what others thought, even though part of stepping out of my comfort was to see what other thought.

This line of thinking would lead me to be rude as I carried out my own preferences.  For me to stop seeking  others input.  For others, because of my response, would withhold edifying responses. 

I have God’s love in me.  Thank you Lord for showing another aspect of my pride.  Please continue to humble me in Your love.

Compartmentalize?

Continuing with my sin of pride.  I focused on my health and my plan to get healthier.  I made it more a priority than spending time with God.  It filled me thoughts.

Hebrew 12:2a: Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus.

I made this simple plan, with my knee and hip issues in mind, to improve my health.  Then my mind was distracted by a few aspects of that.  The distractions opened the door for more distractions.  Needless to say, I was not doing Hebrews 12:2!

As I posted here, I was getting ready to beg for a big dose of grace to be heaped on my plan when God changed my focus. 

But I say, walk and live [habitually] in the [Holy] Spirit [responsive to and controlled and guided by the Spirit]; then you will certainly not gratify the cravings and the desires of the flesh(of human nature without God.) Galatians 5:16

It comes down to if its God’s will, He will enable me.  Only in seeking Him that I can resists the desires of the flesh.  I was excluding God from these areas of my life (my pride said I could do it my way and on my own).  My pastor recently called it compartmentalizing your life.  My health was something I said I wanted to improve me for God.  I introspectively decided it needed fixed.  I didn’t feel conviction to do all my plans.  I allowed the distractions make it about me.  I wasn’t seeing how it all tied together, since in my head it was one of many things.  If the heart in involved, than all things are tied together (btw, all things are a heart thing). 

Fortunately God opened my eyes to see how it is all connected when He revealed how my pride caused the issues sin I struggled with.  What had God convicted me to do?  As I search my heart, I know it is to exercise and gain strength.  I am to avoid sweets and too much sugar.  I am to eat enough food to feed me, no excess.

Lies of Pride

God called it pride.  Pride that my wants were more important than Him.  Plain and simple.  I wanted things to go my way, for me to have control.  I was focusing all of me to my wants.  And that, my friend, is pride (with idol worship thrown in).

Humility is content with enough.  Seeking more than enough is pride lying:

1. You deserve it after what you’re dealing with (sick, no sleep).

2. Just this once won’t matter.

3. This is easier than what you planned – you really don’t want to change – you’re fine.

There may be more lies, but these three stuck out.

Truths:

1. Do I really want what I deserve?  God’s holy and just wrath?  No, I am thankful for His mercy, grace and redeeming blood.

2. Every compromise matters in my life.  The Bible is full of stories about people who compromised and the last effects:  Adam and Eve, Abram, Sarai and Hagar, Judah and Tamar, David and Bathsheba, ect.  Their stories focus on the sin, yet look a few verses before the sin and you’ll see the compromise: Eve doubting God’s good for her, Sarai impatient for God’s promise, Judah fearful of losing another son married to Tamar, David staying home instead of going to war.

3. I am not fine.  I am being made holy.  In that I need to do things in partnership with God and His Holy power. 

Yes, it may seem easier to take the route of compromise, however, life gets harder the further I move away from God’s will.  Life gets easier the closer I get to God.  When I delight in God, I get what I long for.  I have proper perspective on the things of my life, of this world.  God placed this verse before me:

Delight yourself also in the Lord and He will give you the desires and secrets petitions of your heart.  Psalm 37:4

Pride is a root sin.  I can see I will always have issues, yet God is faithful and I trust Him and His grace to grow me out of this sin.

Pride goes before Destruction

There I was.  I had made my plans, frustrated that things weren’t going as I planned.  I was ill.  I wasn’t sleeping well.  It was easier to go to the convenient food than the planned food.  I was tired, so I skipped the exercise.  A reasonable mind would have accepted an alternate way because of the physical issues.  Issues that would resolve once the cough didn’t wake me up at night.  However, a reasonable mind was gone.  I was condemning myself.  I asked God to help me, yet I wasn’t displaying much self-control.

I worked myself up.  I prepared to have a long prayer once my girl was in school and beg God to bless this plan of mine.  To help me have the self-control.

That’s when I was redirected.  What had I asked for and not made a priority?  What was I placing at the bottom of my list (to easily I might add)?

Succumb into submission, I asked for forgiveness from God.  Here I was spending all my time dwelling on what I was doing and no time to what I wasn’t doing.

I wasn’t doing my Bible study.  I elected to start another study, so I had two I hadn’t touched for two days. 

Here I was frustrated over my food and sleep, but not over my lack of time in the Word.  Yes, I needed repentance.  I opened the book and got busy.  Oh, my Father taught me much over the next few days.