The Trade is Off

Eve traded God's desire to teach her for instant knowledge. Genesis 3
Esau traded his birthright for soup. Genesis 25
Israelites wanted to trade their freedom for slavery.  Exodus 17
David traded his responsibility to lead the fight for home - leading to further sin. 2 Samuel 11
The Pharisees traded a chance to love Jesus for pride and self worship. John 11
Felix gave up salvation, although his conscience directed otherwise.  Acts 24
The Church of Ephesus trades duty for love. Revelation 2

I want to declare that the trade is off in my life.  Of course, only with God's grace can it happen.  I don't want to settle for anything less than what God desire for my life - His plan.  It isn't about making Him part of my plan, but in making me part of His plan.

It's giving up thoughts of what I'll do if.... (this is worry in case you didn't know.)

It's giving up my schedule of when things should happen or be finished.

It's giving up wanting my glory and focus on bringing God glory.

Where can I be in a year if I'm faithful everyday?  How much have I learned from faithful Scripture study?  Through a series of injuries, my body became very weak.  I've regained strength, but think what one year of really focusing on exercise would look like?  Normally I go steady for a couple months, then either life in general or more usually I injure myself and get sidelined.  But with three months behind me, I don't want to allow the busyness of November and December to get me off track with the progress I've made. 

Lord, help me not trade in Your good for imitation of life here.  Help me to look past the circumstances in my life to focus on Jesus.  Help me see the bigger picture - Your purpose.  Slow and steady will determine my faithfulness.  Amen

Taking Big Strides when Little Strides are needed

I'm enjoying my new walking schedule.  My body is craving the stroll.  I had a little trouble with my left knee starting to burn.  I thought 'oh I need to slow down', but it really didn't help.  I didn't want to go back to wearing the brace. 

A breeze came to me as I sought God to help me keep up the walking.  My stride.  I'm seriously like a mad woman on a mission when it comes to walking.  I remember the first time I went shopping without my brace - after several months of wearing it.  I pushed my cart around like I was a speed walker taking huge steps.  I felt it in me knee.

So on my next walk, I purposely shortened my stride.  I can still walk as fast as I need to, just not take bigger than I need to take steps.  As a benefit to less pain in my knee, my hips didn't get tight.  I usually stop to stretch out my right hip twice on my walk.  It wasn't necessary today!  I just have to praise God for reminding me.

But I was thinking, what else do I start to take big strides through when little one are what's needed?

I get in a rush to get it done.  I busy here and there, rushing through my day.  Slow down.  Take those smaller steps of enjoyment.  Joy is what my long strides often step over.  I get so concerned about getting to the end that I forget the joy on the way.

I'm going to think about this a little more.  I love having a new perspective on how to look at things.

Living and Active

I had a post lined up for today, however after writing one, God led me to several more ideas that support the one He breezed my way.  So while I work on that this week for a new series,
I wanted to share I plan to participate in the Living and Active fall challenge over at Peak 313.

I've done well the past month with a commitment to exercise - of course I took nearly two weeks off to be sick and recover. 

I think this challenge will help keep me motivated and accountable to stick with what God is directing me to do - regain physical health through realistic movement.  And focus on His word - which I have down - yet I will never turn down an opportunity to reminded of the need to stay in the Word.  I know me, and it's all to easy to slip into - oh I'll do it later - mode and never get to it. 

In my little slice of Paradise, it is a mile and quarter lap.  {I do not use the word paradise in vain for where I live, Paradise is part of the name :) }.  My goal is to work up to six days a week that I walk it, if I don't have something more strenuous to do at home, like mow the lawn.  Last week I did four days - so Yea!

The other thing I hope peak 313 will help with is thoughts.  I'm on guard to stop thoughts that will make this process about me.  It's not size I'll be if I lose weight.  It's about being able to move.  It's getting stronger.  All this will enable me to be useful to get out there and help others, to endure whatever I need to. 

No longer will I push myself to injury.  No longer will is listen to the call of the sofa.  It's all for God!

Why Measure?

As you may remember in this post, I discussed when I put my focus on my shape, not my health.  I changed up my workout because of pain in my hip and it occurred to me about that post and the outcome had I measured my body.

I would not have listened to my body when the pain came, because results are more important.  I would have placed guilt on myself when I would have to rest because the pain was so great.  I wouldn't have seen this as a minor setback and a new opportunity to learn more about the recovery road I'm on.  My head would still be messed up.  My focus wrong.

I still want to be further along in results before posting what I'm doing.  I am making progress.  I'm learning what the new normal is.  I'm happy to report that I can now kneel for short periods without stabbing pain in my knee. 

I'm happy to be focused on what God can do.  How He will teach me.  What He has for me.  How great my healing story will be once it is complete.  I praise Him now and will praise Him always. 

Answered Prayer

It was an underlying story line in a recent TV movie.  It was like three sentences in the whole movie.  It was not the main point by far.  Yet, when I'm listening for God to speak, I'm listening to everything.  God has directed me through many people, many words that, in context, would not apply.  However, listen, God speaks.

For me it spoke of tight hips, um yes, that is part of my physical problem.  The movie alluded to a solution (again, minor fraction for the movie), but didn't come right out to say it.  I knew from my extensive exercise knowledge what it meant.  I prayed about it and found my library had a DVD.  I asked God if this was from Him... I didn't get back any negatives, so I proceeded to check out the DVD, trusting it wouldn't take long for me to figure it out.

I watched the DVD through.  Not bad.  It struck me that the instructor used these perfectly tall, beautiful dancers to execute the moves.  She (the instructor) on the other hand was an apple shape. Then the question arises in my heart?  Do I want to do an exercise program that the instructor looks like that?  I continue to watch the video.  In an interview with the instructor, they show her demonstrating some of the moves.  She is strong.  Overall, I thought I could do the workout, not because it looked easy, but it was slow and focused on building core muscle.


Then the past me kicked in: measure so I can KNOW how much I lose.  Monitor it, I have to if I want this great testimony, right?  Again, I wondered about the woman's body.  Then it hit me, my focus was on the wrong thing, again.  So thankful that God has patience with me!  Measurements are linked to vanity for me.  I wanted numbers to show that I improved.  I couldn't just rely on how I felt and the way my clothing fit, could I?

Yes, I changed my focus.  My body shape and size left.  If I can be as strong as the instructor was at 80, yes that's right, 80, then I don't care how I'm shaped, how much I weigh.  I want to the strength.  I know that strength has many great purposes for serving God.

For now, that's all I'll share.  I'll save my journey of doing the program for later, when I have a better testimony.  It's a major break through to get my mind aligned with God about my body.

Ahhh Avocado

Ode to Avocado.  Such a sweet, nutty fruit.  I love to eat it sprinkled with salt and red wine vinegar.  The green mushy flesh may turn others away from this treasure.  I am thankful I was brave to try it.  I'm now enjoying the full reward of this blessings.

In switching over to a less meat diet, I gave thought to protein combos to even out my blood sugar levels.  I suffer with low blood sugar, so diet management is my only choice.

A friend shared her vegetarian diet that her daughter ate.  Pureed rice and beans, half avocado, yogurt (yes her daughter is a toddler).  It clicked with me that since I didn't eat meat, the fat in avocados isn't makes up for the loss and since it's plant based, it is healthier.

Since adding half an avocado to my lunch, my blood sugar is level.  No more trembling late afternoon.  I'm having other symptoms of hunger, which I learning - but that's for another post.  I'm happy I added this since it has taken away that empty hollow feeling I had when I eliminated most meat (thus the protein from the meat).  It's a learning process.  One day soon I'll need to add up how many calories I'm eating. 

On the down side, when I do eat something that isn't all that healthy (Frito corn chips), I can feel it the next day.  My eyes swell up.  It's like my body is saying it only wants the good stuff and doesn't want to go back to processing all the other junk. 

  

Health update

I'll interrupt my regular posts for a quick health update. 


Bad news:  My IT band continues to hurt and has asked it's friends surrounding it on both sides to join in.  I don't remember the names of these small muscles, but I know they are there.  I trudge on with stretching, using the foam roller and ice as needed.  I know this is progress.  


Good news:  I was successful to the fast God called me to.  I didn't eat meat for about a week.  What I fasted for was answered, praise God.  However, I'm not eating meat like I did before.  It isn't appetizing anymore.  The real test was cooking bacon for my family.  I persevered and did not eat any. 


On that note, I'm a pound down and I'm good with that.  I tried some new strength training exercises (see bad news as to some of the results).  I felt those moves for a couple days.  I like them and will continue doing them, just being gentle with this body of mine.  


I have a busy week, as my MIL is visiting this weekend.  Our guest room is Kabingo's (the cat) room in general.  I have lots of hair fluffs to vacuum up.  Which also reminds me he needs another hair cut.

Follow Daniel

I go back and forth on not eating meat.  At times I'm totally grossed out by meat.  Other times it doesn't bother me.  I don't get it.  (I mean meat as something that was living and now is not, not beef).  

Recently our church discussed the use of fasting to draw closer to God.  With my hypoglycemia, I'm not ready to do a full fledged fast.  I do think a time spent following Daniel fast is feasible.  I go back and forth on what is "right".  I know ultimately it's about freeing up time to spend with God, to be in His word, to pray, to listen. 


I wasn't sure I would do a Daniel fast.  Then I noticed last week I hadn't had meat all day.  So that has progressed to several days.  I will admit that I haven't really looked up what everyone calls a Daniel fast.  I even saw a web page the list foods that were OK.  No, I'll just skip the meat for now and call me happy. 


One thing I love is cucumber and avocado wraps.  I sprinkle a little salt and white wine vinegar on top.  The protein in the avocado keeps me full. 


My body is adjusting, so I feel hungry more often.  I use that reminder to pray and praise God for what He is and will do in my life.

I am more aware of what I'm eating, how much and protein combos.  Checking off my fruits and veggies before extra carbs.  Before tea, I need three mugs (18 oz. each) of water.  That doesn't include my cup of caffeine first thing in the morning.

Oh the pain

I've posted before on my tendency to take over.  God's way is great, but my way will be better....how could I have ever thought that?  Sad, but true, I have.  Oh, how I've suffered for it.

Several years ago I decided to ignore the hamstring pain and keep the stretch, going deeper.  I spent several months on the couch while healing.

Spring 2011 I enjoyed jogging 2x a week and seeing nice results and ability to jog longer distances (just over a mile).  But I decided I could get fit faster, go longer and added in 1 to 2 x additional jogging.  Only to have my hip hurt tremendously through my vacation.

Summer 2011 I focused on biking, yoga and doing all the yard work.  I didn't push myself to hard though.  My back went out in the middle.  I finally went to a PT spent two months learning how to keep my muscles in line.

The PT stretching routine became my sole source of exercise over the past school year.  When we went on our vacation at the beginning of June, the hiking up the side of mountains did me in.  My hip flamed up again.  

I prayed for direction on my hip pain.  Did I need to go to the PT again?  What exercise did I need to do?  What physical service could I endure for my Lord if my hip flamed up?  However, God answered the prayer about my back pain, I trust Him for the hip pain a well.

It happened He lead us to go to a store that sells wholesale clear outs (not sure what you call it for new stuff that was clearanced out by other companies and bought by this company).  For a third of the price at a sports store, I found a foam roller.  I learned back with my hamstring was pulled that a foam roller could be used.  However, I couldn't find an affordable one and didn't want to spend money that I didn't know if it would be well spent (relying on my own reasoning).  

I snagged the roller.  At home I did my own rolling, which of course wasn't how I was suppose to do it.  In quick research lead me to bodyspex.com.  In the first video I watched, Jai mentioned that if anything causes a lot of pain means I could have tightness, scar tissue and issues with the muscles.  

This lead me to learn about the Iliotibial Band and IT Band Syndrome.  This is precisely what is causing my hip pain.  Most times this syndrome causes pain called runner's knee, which I suffer minorly from.  However my pain is the hip pain over the greater trochanter.  I also develop Trochanteric Bursitis from overuse.

OK, have I made you go to sleep with this information?  Well I have endured more pain with this foam roller.  I know I'm making progress.  I know I will, after months, maybe years of rehab, regain an active lifestyle with endurance to do it.  The roller is God's blessing to answer my question for my hip pain.  With this syndrome, there is no hurrying the process.  I'm willing to endure, to suffer the pain with the hope that it will soon be healed enough to start jogging again.  God is good!

Video is also helpful.

Obedient journey

God has motivated me with actual goals - which I usually avoid.  Goals He will bless since He called me to it.


Weight by numbers.  

I am currently 157.6 lbs.  For the past few years I've maintained between 150 and 153.  Until school starts again for K, I will work without a food journal.  In the past I am more successful with a food journal.  For me, I struggle with knowing when I am full.  I want to learn more about this.  To be aware of how I feel.  To ask before eating "Is this the best for me?" 


Phase 1 - get back to 150  lbs.
Phase 2 - get to 145 lbs.

Body movement.

I need to regain muscle.  I'm stretching everyday to keep my back and leg pain away.  That has helped me keep some tone, but I know I'm not doing enough.  I also need to get back to some aerobics.  I would love to get back to jogging and I'll post more on that later.

Current schedule (to school starting) - walk a lap 3x a week with K, get my weights out and start a simple routing at least 2x a week.  


After school starts, I'll reassess my advancement and make the adjustments needed.  A few years ago, I was able to jog 2x a week and do strength training 2x and maintain my health.

Confession of a glutton

¹⁴ We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. ¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶ And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.  Romans 7:14-20

This passage from Romans 7 came to mind recently.  I pray that God's will to be done in my life.  I thought I was obedient to what He asked me to do - pertaining to not eating sweets.  I can give you a list of reasons on how I am obedient to this calling.  However, I am neglecting the habitual sin of gluttony that I deal with.  I want to be done with this sin, yet I pick it up over and over.  I look forward to the day when I am done with it.  Perhaps today is that day.  Only God knows.  


I have gained weight over the past few months.  I'm up a few pounds.  In normal circumstances, most wouldn't fret over a few pounds, but for me, it is a sign that I'm not paying attention to the sin in my life.  After some investigation I have found:

• I stopped drinking all my needed water.  Although replaced mainly with unsweet decaf tea or coffee, it still isn't water.  My UT isn't happy about it either. 
• I switched to my summer breakfast of raisin bran (replaced oats).  Based on how much I ate, I added over 200 calories to my day.  The reasoning that it's high in fiber just doesn't cancel excess calories and I was oblivious.
• Since I'm not eating sweets, I upped my simple carb intake.  Remove the bread, pasta and crackers from my reach.
• I skipped adding veggies to our menu.  Went for some sort of potato instead (carbs??).
• I let my workouts to go far and few between.  With the drought and heat wave this summer, my normal outside summer workouts (aka yard work) is non-existent.

So when I explored all this, I remembered the above verses.  I thought how I don't want to compromise.  I want to be in God's will.  Before I'm in God's will until it conflicts with the easy way out, or the second helping of food or reading a book.


So, I'll share over the next few post how God has lead me on this issue.

MTC Study

Made to Crave Review
Page 43 in the participant guide.  Giving up secrecy and taking responsibility for my choices (adapted slightly).


This blog helped me open up more to express those thoughts that would float around, sometimes forgotten.  I am gaining confidence in what I write, what God is revealing, in my as His child.  Confidence where God is leading me.


Pondering my thoughts, often repetitive.  It can be exhausting at times to go over the same thought over and over.  This study has yet again reminded me (along with some revelation God sent my way) that I need to quit wishing certain things were different.  Either I need to drop the desire for change or seek God's plan for change and follow through.  

I, of course, chose God's plan.  I don't want to stay in my little box, only seeing the impossible, only to see how hard change would be.

Playlist #2

Another song on my playlist is Shine by Newsboys.

You hear your heart start asking,
"What's my motivation?"

I love jogging to this song.  It's upbeat and that part gives me the encouragement to push through and keep jogging.  I ask 'What's my motivation?'

My motivation?  God and being obedient to Him.  He's called me to jog.  The old me doesn't want to jog.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17

It's amazing, listening to this song, I can push through.  Get to the point to really jog.  I want to stop.  I want to say it's to soon to do a steady jog, I need to walk another minute.  Push through to that place where I am at a steady pace.  I slow pace, mind you I wouldn't win any races.  It's a jog, its a slow pace, it's a place where I could go on longer than I imagined.  It's my motivation that God has a goal for me.  He wants me to stick to it.  He doesn't want me to tweak it, to make it my own.  He wants it to be His.  He wants me to obey.  I get the joy of knowing I obeyed, that I am healthier for the jog and next time I can go longer, do more.

God is my motivation.  Wanting to do what pleases Him.  I spent so much of my life pleasing me only to be unhappy, anxious and depressed.  Spending time with God and learning what He's calling me to do (not what He's calling you to do) and how He's calling me to do it is the best way to spend my life. 

What will I give up?

I posted before about God's desire for me to give up sugar.  My recent Bible study covered 1 Corinthians.  In chapter 8, Paul writes about eating food sacrificed to idols.  Some said, it's ok, I know that idols are nothing.  In 8:7 Paul writes, "But not everyone knows this."  Then in 8:9 "Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak."

I'm allowed to exercise my freedom.  The freedom to do things God has approved of me doing.  Yet, God also calls me to to look around.  Is someone watching me?  (Not in a self centered way or a creepy way either.)  Perhaps my daughter, my husband, the women in the check out aisle or the guy in the car next to me.  Am I behaving in such a way that first, glorifies God and second, isn't tempting them to do something they shouldn't.

Love limits freedom.

1 Corinthians 13 has the great passage on love.  In my love for God I will look out for my brothers and sisters in Christ.  I will encourage those yet to confess belief in Jesus.

Everything is permissible" - but not everything is beneficial.  "Everything is permissible" - but not everything is constructive. 1 Corinthians 10:23

I don't want to be stubborn and arrogant and insist on having my way.  To do what God allows me in with no regard to how it influences others.  This isn't to say that I should place value on others opinion of me.  I do say that I will behave in such a way that strengthens my brother and sister in Christ.  That I encourage them to live also for God.  It's about coming out of my shell, looking around, and allow God to use me for His glory.

What will I give up?

I will give up watching a lot of TV.  I will be mindful of what this stupid box says in front of my daughter and the images that are shown.  God's word is better than the shows I used to claim to love.

I will give up social alcohol consumption.  I don't have an issue with drinking, however, in my current position, others may stumble to see me drink.  My brother recently stopped drinking, as well.  After many years of continually drinking to the point of drunk, he gave it up.  What can I do to help him?

I will give up sugar. I will exercise.  I shepherd others who have food issues like I do.  In caring for my health and not eating sweets, I show them my love, my example.

I will stop looking only at road blocks for what God has called me.  I have to allow God to direct my path and stop looking at the road block, going directly towards it and hitting it.  I may have to climb over or go further to get around it, so be it.  The road blocks may look big to me, however I have a God of possibilities, nothing will stop Him!

Playlist

Lies or Truth?

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Casting Crowns Voice of Truth

This song is on my workout playlist.  It's has a slower beat in which I do my warm-up stretches and crunches.  I just love it.

How many times in the Bible does God tell His people "Do not be afraid."?  We'll leave it at a lot.  He tells us not to be afraid.  

The lies in my head says to be very afraid.  Don't write that, what will others think?  Don't speak that, how will others react?  Don't put in the effort, since it won't turn out how you expected anyway.

Every lie possible to foil the truth floats around waiting for that tiny opening to go in.

Lie: Don't work out, it's pointless boring and no matter how much you do, nothing changes.

Truth: Well, things do change, just slower than they used to.  I will never be an Olympian.  I will be strong enough to endure physically.  If God called me on a mission journey right now, I am not in a position to go physically.  With training, I can get there.  He may never call me.  Either way, He is calling me to prepare today to be in good physical health.

Lie: you'll give in a eat sugar eventually, just like you'll soon give in and drink a soda.

Truth: when I stop laughing about the soda part, I say watch me.  As I posted before, I've been sugar free since Dec. 27, 2011 and soda free since Dec 7, 2004.  Yes sugar is a big deal in my life, yet God is a bigger deal.  He's calling me to health.  He's calling me not to crave some food over Him.  He's calling me not to be afraid.  And even on Valentine's day where there's cookies and CHOCOLATE, I can stay true to what God is calling me to do.

Lie: why put in the time to write a blog that no one is reading and won't ever read.

Truth: God did not call me to write for others.  He gave me this gift for me.  He knows that if I write it down, collect the thoughts in a clear order, the words will also come out of my mouth.  That is His goal for my blog.  It isn't the be the hottest blog in the world.  It isn't to be worshiped with people longing to read what I have to say.  It is about Him and how I am part of His story.  How I am His tool to work in the lives of His children.

Lie: Don't point to Jesus, no one will accept you. 

Truth: Well that could be true.  No one here in the world that is.  Someone great, Wonderful, Counselor, Father will accept me.  He calls me to obey.  It's not up to me how others react.

As for me, I chose to listen to the voice of truth.

Weight Loss Journey

To speak of my weight loss journey, I have to start at the beginning, the gaining of the weight.  I was a slim child and teen.  I was prone depression along with anxiety in my twenties.  I sought food for comfort.  I remember the day it happened, when I ate more than I needed, when I allowed that plate of hamburger helper sooth me. 

Unfortunately, food only soothes for a little while.  A major crisis in my life pushed me to seek help, which was good and bad.  After the crisis, I had really defined anxiety attacks, looking back I had anxiety attacks throughout my childhood.  After the crisis, I cried a lot, I just wanted to sleep.  Diagnose depressed, my dr. put me on an antidepressant.  It tempered my emotions so I could function.

At this point in the weight gain, I was about twenty five pounds overweight.  I adjusted many areas in my life now that I was able to sleep and get up and function.  Now food just wasn’t enough.  I began drinking alcohol.  Not alcoholic levels, yet any combined with the antidepressant I was on caused increase gain.  All through this time I took birth control as well, which I know caused gain.

I would exercise, yet that was followed by a extra large meal.  So I could exercise then eat four times the amount of calories I burned.  I also drank to much soda.  I had an ulcer, which the soda did not help.  It wouldn’t be until after K was born that I was diagnosed.  For me, when my stomach is upset, I want more food, not less, so that it’s always full.

The weight continued on.  I married my husband.  God bless him, he choose to marry me at near my highest weight.  After six months of marriage, we were expecting K.  I stopped the antidepressants at this time.

Just before her birth I weighed 229, twenty-five pregnancy weight.  Right after her birth, I dropped to 180, without really trying.  I attribute most of that to excess water (high blood pressure).  I now can see that the antidepressant combined with alcohol and birth control made me retain water, causing me to be puffy.

K first summer I walked a neighbor’s dog everyday. Just over a mile walk.  I went down to 170.  However, winter set in and I stopped walking the dog.  I went back to 175 for another year.  It was during this I gave my life to God.  I wanted to live for him.

I strived to loose weight through exercise since dieting just didn’t work.  However, I could never out exercise poor food choices.  I could never compensate for binges.  I felt called to get another twenty off.  I worked out hard.  I pursued weight loss for me.  How great I would look.  Like I posted before, I took what God called me to then added to it.

Since I wasn’t focusing on my sin – gluttony – God sidelined me.  I tore my hamstring.  I pushed through, damaging more.  I remember crying over how if I didn’t work out, I would put back on all the weight I loss.

My sweet husband just said to rest for my leg, but to eat less.

Eat less? Dieting never worked.  My blood sugars always messed up.  I HAD to eat the way I was eating.  Didn’t I?

It was during this time that I used online food journals to track what I ate.  I found the right combo to be satisfied and what level of calories I needed to consume for weight loss.  Since I wasn’t over exercising, my blood sugar didn’t mess up.  After three months, I was down to 153.

I wanted to go down further, yet summer was on and I wanted to enjoy the food and alcohol of summer.  Besides, I lost over twenty pounds and I was still the same size.  Over the next year, I kept my weight around 155.  I had learned better eating, although I still made poor choices and often turned to food for comfort.  I still struggled to exercise with a lame hamstring.   Yet not losing another pound, I lost two sizes as the skin caught up with my weight.

I am still around 148-153 weight.  I like my size.  I’m not the thinnest person, yet I’m not heavy either.  What I learned on the journey and beyond is seeking comfort from God, not food.  Recognize triggers I have to mindless eating.  How much better I feel without sugar.  How I no longer miss sweets, for the most part.

Now when I’m craving food, yet can’t figure out what, then I get down on my knees and pray, seeking God to reveal what I’m searching for.

No Sugar

This isn't a sugar free recipe.

This is about something I said I could never ever do.  It's about digging deep to that place most don't want to go and are scared of what lies beyond.

Total obedience.

Yes, my story of no sugar goes there.  To the place God calls us.  He called me here for years.  And for years I simply stated, I can't.  You don't know what you're asking me God if you call me to do that.

But He did know.  Long ago He saw food was an issue for me, long before I reached weights in the 200s, long before I made food choices on my own (when I lived with my parents).  He gave a little thing called hypoglycemic, which is low blood sugar.  It's where my body produces to much insulin in response to sugar.  My dr. said I would outgrow it by the time I was 21. 

Well I'm well past 21 and it hasn't happened yet.  And the logic side of low blood sugar is that you should eat more sugar.  However that leads to even more spiked insulin and a more vicious cycle.  Sad, but true, the best thing for low blood sugar is no sugar.

Yet for over twenty years I ignored the best thing to treat it, because life just wouldn't be worth living without sugar.

Last summer, I had it all in place.  Well maybe.  I had followed His leading to get to a healthy weight.  I exercised when I could, lived and active life.  My friend did the summer study of Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst.

In her book she said it was a demon that she battle.  She battled it and came out victorious of the hold sugar had on her life.

Well that's great for her, I thought, but I could never do that.  Fortunately God isn't calling me to do that.

Ahem...wait a minute.  He did call me, I just said no.  I said I couldn't.  I said I didn't want to.  I said there is no way I can do that, it's asking me to do something to hard, especially in summer with there's ice cream to be had.

Then He whispered to me.  You gave up soda.  You loved soda.  You drank so much it gave you an ulcer and you gave it up.  You gave it up for your health.  Why can't you give up sugar for Me?

John 21:15 excerpt "do you love me more than these?”

He wants to be the only thing I craved.  The only thing I seek when I have a longing in my heart.  He wants me to make Him my all.  To die to my desires and say yes to Him.

That was enough to call it quits.  Those three pounds that I struggled to lose only to gain left.  I felt good.  It was great to say no each time a delicious sugary snack was presented to me (which was a lot with our Life Group and my family).  I did it for almost two months and then felt at peace over having a little sugar here and there.

Fast forward to Oct. and I slowly went sugar crazy.  I had a lot and still a lot and this went on until Christmastime.  Those few pounds came back.  My middle turned fluffy (which is where sugar likes to live on my body).  

God gently spoke again and called me to give up sugar again.  It was a week before Christmas.  Oh, I didn't want to hear it.  I had just bought my favorite creamer and wanted it.  I wanted that creamer and those chocolate chip cookies more than God.  Ouch, it hurts to write it out.  I lived in full disobedience for the next week.  Then I prayed for that Spirit-power to come back after Christmas.  I was ready then to do it.  

I'll be honest, I didn't feel the same consuming power like I had the week before when God spoke.  Yet, on Dec. 27 I decided to stop.  I pray to God in weakness.  Each day I am stronger.  I even went through TOM successfully.  Oh how I wanted brownies.

Last summer I knew it would end.  I tried not to focus on that, yet in my heart I knew it would end.  This time, I don't for see it ending.  I feel stronger, more in tune with God each day I say no thank you.  

I shared my experience of last summer before the sugar attack of Oct. occurred.  Someone said, God made all these wonderful foods, why wouldn't He want us to enjoy it.  Why would He call me to give up sugar?

Well, He called ME to give up sweets.  You need to spend time with Him to see if He wants you to do it.  He knew in my heart I often put those sugary treats before Him.  I would think of when I could get my treat instead of thinking when can I spend time with God.  He knows me and knows what is best for me.

To break down what I gave up is cookies, cakes, candy...you get the picture.  I don't find a sugar free option because that misses the point.  I do use honey to sweeten my oatmeal that I eat for breakfast.  I know some love honey, not me.  I don't like the taste of straight honey so I only use enough to counter the blandness of oats.  It's about giving up those food that monopolize my thoughts from time to time.  I haven't given up peanut butter or ketchup, both have sugar, since I don't ever recall waking up wanting a big bowl or ketchup.  

I don't use artificial sweeteners either, which don't agree with my body.  I use Stevia, a natural sweetener, randomly when I have coffee (less than once a week). 

Part of the reason He's calling me to do this again is I accepted His call to lead a Made to Crave study at my church.  If I'm going to be an encouragement to others I need to do what God is calling me to do.

What is He calling you to do?  What will you give up to say Yes?