To speak of my weight loss journey, I have to start at the beginning, the gaining of the weight. I was a slim child and teen. I was prone depression along with anxiety in my twenties. I sought food for comfort. I remember the day it happened, when I ate more than I needed, when I allowed that plate of hamburger helper sooth me.
Unfortunately, food only soothes for a little while. A major crisis in my life pushed me to seek help, which was good and bad. After the crisis, I had really defined anxiety attacks, looking back I had anxiety attacks throughout my childhood. After the crisis, I cried a lot, I just wanted to sleep. Diagnose depressed, my dr. put me on an antidepressant. It tempered my emotions so I could function.
At this point in the weight gain, I was about twenty five pounds overweight. I adjusted many areas in my life now that I was able to sleep and get up and function. Now food just wasn’t enough. I began drinking alcohol. Not alcoholic levels, yet any combined with the antidepressant I was on caused increase gain. All through this time I took birth control as well, which I know caused gain.
I would exercise, yet that was followed by a extra large meal. So I could exercise then eat four times the amount of calories I burned. I also drank to much soda. I had an ulcer, which the soda did not help. It wouldn’t be until after K was born that I was diagnosed. For me, when my stomach is upset, I want more food, not less, so that it’s always full.
The weight continued on. I married my husband. God bless him, he choose to marry me at near my highest weight. After six months of marriage, we were expecting K. I stopped the antidepressants at this time.
Just before her birth I weighed 229, twenty-five pregnancy weight. Right after her birth, I dropped to 180, without really trying. I attribute most of that to excess water (high blood pressure). I now can see that the antidepressant combined with alcohol and birth control made me retain water, causing me to be puffy.
K first summer I walked a neighbor’s dog everyday. Just over a mile walk. I went down to 170. However, winter set in and I stopped walking the dog. I went back to 175 for another year. It was during this I gave my life to God. I wanted to live for him.
I strived to loose weight through exercise since dieting just didn’t work. However, I could never out exercise poor food choices. I could never compensate for binges. I felt called to get another twenty off. I worked out hard. I pursued weight loss for me. How great I would look. Like I posted before, I took what God called me to then added to it.
Since I wasn’t focusing on my sin – gluttony – God sidelined me. I tore my hamstring. I pushed through, damaging more. I remember crying over how if I didn’t work out, I would put back on all the weight I loss.
My sweet husband just said to rest for my leg, but to eat less.
Eat less? Dieting never worked. My blood sugars always messed up. I HAD to eat the way I was eating. Didn’t I?
It was during this time that I used online food journals to track what I ate. I found the right combo to be satisfied and what level of calories I needed to consume for weight loss. Since I wasn’t over exercising, my blood sugar didn’t mess up. After three months, I was down to 153.
I wanted to go down further, yet summer was on and I wanted to enjoy the food and alcohol of summer. Besides, I lost over twenty pounds and I was still the same size. Over the next year, I kept my weight around 155. I had learned better eating, although I still made poor choices and often turned to food for comfort. I still struggled to exercise with a lame hamstring. Yet not losing another pound, I lost two sizes as the skin caught up with my weight.
I am still around 148-153 weight. I like my size. I’m not the thinnest person, yet I’m not heavy either. What I learned on the journey and beyond is seeking comfort from God, not food. Recognize triggers I have to mindless eating. How much better I feel without sugar. How I no longer miss sweets, for the most part.
Now when I’m craving food, yet can’t figure out what, then I get down on my knees and pray, seeking God to reveal what I’m searching for.