Saturday, February 4, 2012

Weight Loss Journey

To speak of my weight loss journey, I have to start at the beginning, the gaining of the weight.  I was a slim child and teen.  I was prone depression along with anxiety in my twenties.  I sought food for comfort.  I remember the day it happened, when I ate more than I needed, when I allowed that plate of hamburger helper sooth me. 

Unfortunately, food only soothes for a little while.  A major crisis in my life pushed me to seek help, which was good and bad.  After the crisis, I had really defined anxiety attacks, looking back I had anxiety attacks throughout my childhood.  After the crisis, I cried a lot, I just wanted to sleep.  Diagnose depressed, my dr. put me on an antidepressant.  It tempered my emotions so I could function.

At this point in the weight gain, I was about twenty five pounds overweight.  I adjusted many areas in my life now that I was able to sleep and get up and function.  Now food just wasn’t enough.  I began drinking alcohol.  Not alcoholic levels, yet any combined with the antidepressant I was on caused increase gain.  All through this time I took birth control as well, which I know caused gain.

I would exercise, yet that was followed by a extra large meal.  So I could exercise then eat four times the amount of calories I burned.  I also drank to much soda.  I had an ulcer, which the soda did not help.  It wouldn’t be until after K was born that I was diagnosed.  For me, when my stomach is upset, I want more food, not less, so that it’s always full.

The weight continued on.  I married my husband.  God bless him, he choose to marry me at near my highest weight.  After six months of marriage, we were expecting K.  I stopped the antidepressants at this time.

Just before her birth I weighed 229, twenty-five pregnancy weight.  Right after her birth, I dropped to 180, without really trying.  I attribute most of that to excess water (high blood pressure).  I now can see that the antidepressant combined with alcohol and birth control made me retain water, causing me to be puffy.

K first summer I walked a neighbor’s dog everyday. Just over a mile walk.  I went down to 170.  However, winter set in and I stopped walking the dog.  I went back to 175 for another year.  It was during this I gave my life to God.  I wanted to live for him.

I strived to loose weight through exercise since dieting just didn’t work.  However, I could never out exercise poor food choices.  I could never compensate for binges.  I felt called to get another twenty off.  I worked out hard.  I pursued weight loss for me.  How great I would look.  Like I posted before, I took what God called me to then added to it.

Since I wasn’t focusing on my sin – gluttony – God sidelined me.  I tore my hamstring.  I pushed through, damaging more.  I remember crying over how if I didn’t work out, I would put back on all the weight I loss.

My sweet husband just said to rest for my leg, but to eat less.

Eat less? Dieting never worked.  My blood sugars always messed up.  I HAD to eat the way I was eating.  Didn’t I?

It was during this time that I used online food journals to track what I ate.  I found the right combo to be satisfied and what level of calories I needed to consume for weight loss.  Since I wasn’t over exercising, my blood sugar didn’t mess up.  After three months, I was down to 153.

I wanted to go down further, yet summer was on and I wanted to enjoy the food and alcohol of summer.  Besides, I lost over twenty pounds and I was still the same size.  Over the next year, I kept my weight around 155.  I had learned better eating, although I still made poor choices and often turned to food for comfort.  I still struggled to exercise with a lame hamstring.   Yet not losing another pound, I lost two sizes as the skin caught up with my weight.

I am still around 148-153 weight.  I like my size.  I’m not the thinnest person, yet I’m not heavy either.  What I learned on the journey and beyond is seeking comfort from God, not food.  Recognize triggers I have to mindless eating.  How much better I feel without sugar.  How I no longer miss sweets, for the most part.

Now when I’m craving food, yet can’t figure out what, then I get down on my knees and pray, seeking God to reveal what I’m searching for.

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