My Kingdom Come

It was a simple dinner with friends.  The men watched football while the women sat around the table discussing up coming events in our lives.  Dinner served, game over, conversations continued.  It was pleasant.  Then BAM.

Out of no where.

I'm hit.

In the face.

With a nerf dart.

The mothers turn, ready to pounce on their son for doing such a thing.

All were shocked, me the most, that it wasn't a young foolish boy, but my husband.  What had possessed him to do such a thing.

I tried to process and remain calm.  I decided it was a great time to break for the bathroom.  I calmed myself.  I realized it wasn't so much about what he did - for he never had done something like that to me.  It was what it brought back to mind from my childhood.  This type of behavior and much worse happened to me at the hands of my brothers, cousins, step-fathers (yes, there an S at the end of that word) and basically any male in my life.

It was remembering that no one was taught how to treat others and especially no one taught the boys/men in my life how to treat a girl/woman.  I recalled my prayer through much of my childhood, back when I thought God was about sending wants up and He filled them.

Send someone to love me - only me.

After I committed my life to God, I began to understand that Jesus answered that prayer long ago.  But that didn't change my desire to find someone on earth to fill that request.  The desire diminished, but after this incident I received clarity as I cried for that lost girl so many years ago, how lonely she was, how unconnected she was to any love that may have been present.

In that little prayer, I wanted my kingdom to grow.  I wanted to assurance that I would be worshiped - for that was really what I desired.  Someone to love me and to demonstrate it loudly in a specific way so that I would always know, feel it.  Which, of course is not possible.  Especially for someone who didn't know how to love in return!

Although this wasn't the forefront of my motives anymore, I had never repented of this.   I can look at the years after committing to Jesus that I still tried to get my kingdom going.  Oddly enough, no one jumped on board.

Thank you Jesus for this revelation into my past.  Thank you for the ability to forgive my husband and laugh it off.  Thank you for showing me that I need to lay my kingdom down. 

Knowing Me Better

This past week has been focused on phones.  Something that should be simple, but just isn't.  We have dumb phones and love it.  However, we were lured into a pricing that would allow us to have smart phones, so we decided to jump head first.  We even found great prices on the newest fruit phone on the market.  Well, the guy who doesn't know the plans he sells didn't give us all the information and a long story short after several phone calls to our provider, those phones went back.

AND IT WAS A RELIEF. 

It wasn't how I wanted to spend my time, enduring phone call after phone call, reviewing my account online, explaining it all to the hubs.  However, through it all, I learned something about myself, for that I am thankful.

I'm ok with a smart phone, just not one quiet so indulgent - which is how I felt having it.  It was just something I simply did not need (I hate using the word 'need' here because I only NEED Jesus.)  I actually had anxiety for having something like that in my possession.  I gladly returned the phones and everything returned to how it was before.  Somewhat...

In God's timely way, he sent a blog post about how many parents have their noses in their phones, ignoring their children.  I took the warning, for I know I could easily get sucked into it myself.  I mean there's the app to update and keep all my lists in order.  Yes, I could see myself easily doing that.

On another front, I'm counseling my girl on making straight A's an idol.  That we can't hold onto something so tightly, because God will not allow us to have idols.  In one way or another He will take it (whatever we are clinging to more than trusting Him) away from us.

All this tied into my heart to take warning and to not seek out the latest and greatest in the phone department.  That getting a phone the will text (and not shut itself off!), make phone calls is the major focus, not how great it connects to the internet.  Because I really don't want it to be that great, because I don't want to use it for that purpose.  I have other devices to do that.  I don't want to be that devoted to my phone.

Who's in Control?

God revealed something in me that I was surprised by...well I shouldn't be but was. 

I dreaded having to spend time with the people - not just any people, but a certain set of people, who they are isn't important.  On this particular week I was scheduled to spend potentially three days with the people.  That naturally lead me to a big debate could I endure three settings?  Could I do so with a good attitude...I didn't think I could.  And if I couldn't do it with a good attitude, wouldn't I hurt my witness to Jesus?  So not to damage His reputation, I was better off NOT going the "elected" day - which happened to be the middle day of the visits.

Then I began reading my the next book on my list:  When People Are Big and God Is Small by Ed Welch.  This quote made me look at the circumstances in a new light - Thank you God for setting my heart up to hear the message.

"Do you avoid people?  If so, even though you might not say that you need people, you are still controlled by them.  Isn't a hermit dominated by the fear of man?"

God labeled my temptation not to go as avoidance and said that I'm controlled by them.  It was hard for me to wrap my head around at first.

What I wanted to avoid more wasn't the people, it was the ugliness that came out of me while around them.  I would be easily frustrated, lacked compassion, became was self-centered.  I scratched out became because all this ugliness lurked within my heart.  It's as if I checked the Holy Spirit at the door around the people and allowed my sinful nature to take over.  Yea, that sinful nature that is dead and whose habits I want gone from my life.  I was indulging it every time.

Thank you Papa for answered prayer.  Thank you for revealing what was really happening around the people, that it isn't their fault (oh how my dead sinful nature loves to blame others!)  Now that You've shown me, I can offer it up as a sacrifice.  It's no longer OK for me to avoid my ugliness by avoiding the people.  I submit to the Holy Spirit's leading.  I want and desire to follow.  You give me the strength to follow.  Thank you as well that You've already proven it true, You already helped me have a better attitude, one of love.

2015 Plans

Well I did it again.  Over and over I have in my mind I won't do it, but I do.  How I so get Paul in Romans 7.  It wasn't just because it's New Years, I also have completed all the requirements for certification of biblical counseling (Woohoo!)

So what a perfect time to make some changes - form new habits.  I instruct in counseling the need to put off old habits of our dead sinful nature and put on new habits that reflect our alive status in Christ (Christ alive in our place.)  So I went out and found something call a powersheet.  I planned it, I would choose three components to work on each month...Spirit, health and home.  I would work at these three things for three weeks to form the habit and then spend the last week of the month praying for the next month habits.

Verses for the year are for Spirit, health and home:

• Roman 12:1-2 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship.  Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then your will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.
• Titus 2:12 It [grace of God] teaches us to say "no" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and live self-controlled, upright godly lives in this present age.
• Proverb 31:27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Of course through the process of changing me for God, my thoughts went to changing me for me.  I had to once more repent of that and seek God's forgiveness.  I returned to Him to seek His guidance.

The more I thought about the process, the more I thought about what I was going to "do" that the Spirit revealed I was once more going wrong.  It isn't about what I DO.  If I make it about what I do, I am pursuing self-righteousness.

In comes John 3:30 "He must become greater; I must become less."  Yes, it isn't about me changing, putting off old habits of my dead sinful nature by putting on new godly habits.  It's all about me decreasing and Christ increasing.  It's about me seeking God, learning from my Papa, seeking Him, just as Jesus did while He walked the earth.  Jesus didn't seek His own will, but the Father's (Mat 26.)  It's only when I'm part of the Vine that I can bear fruit (John 15.) 

Still further, I am to learn to walk by the Spirit everyday, every minute in all circumstances (Gal 5:16.)  It's not about working on specific habits.  That so limits what I do.  I want to learn to walk by the Spirit so well that doing whatever pops into my head is replaced with purposeful, intentional actions.

I can tell you that I've been assaulted majorly by my fleshly desires.  Last night, to unwind I sat down at the computer.  Before I even click the link to pinterest, I thought "this isn't the best way to unwind."  Yet I clicked anyway.  I could have used that time to stretch, read a chapter in a book, something, anything that would have drawn me closer to my Papa.  

Pinterest isn't bad in itself, but I didn't have anything particular to look for, I didn't have purpose in the action.  It fell into the category of idleness or emptiness that I've posted on before.  This is that type of old habits I'd like to get away from.  If I ignore the Spirit's direction to not click, how am I learning to listen to Him?  

Powersheet will be put down.  I have one simple quest:

I hope to write devos that will help me stay on track and explore what God's Word says on the Pursuit.

Totally Off Day

It turned into one of those days.  It began with the dentist, giving into a craving for fast food.  Then exhaustion kicked in between the two. 

Then the thoughts began to creep in.  You haven't wrote your report.  You haven't prepared for you next session.  You haven't read your notes.  You haven't finished the living room.  Your husband is off working and what are you doing? 

You aren't going to finish when you wanted at the rate you are going.  Reliability is when you do what you say you will and to completion.  Have you really changed?  Aren't you just the same person you've always been and never wanted to be?

I had to call these thoughts what they were - stinkin' thinkin'.  I am wasting time allowing these thoughts to claim me.  I'm missing the time to praise God and have a grateful attitude for the changes that have happened. 

Do old habit show up (like poor eating) - yes.  Do I have to allow it dominate again?  No.  Instead of condemning myself as hopeless, I can turn my thoughts to the hope I have, call out the sufficient grace that is available to me.  Take hold and refuse to let go until I receive a blessing.

"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things."  Philippians 4:8 (wrote by memory - take that stinkin' thinkin'!)

Reshaping it all

As in my previous post recommending this book, I began reading and wondered what Candace would have to say about health and spiritual fitness.  I got rather nervous reading some very secular statements about identity (don't worry she later clarified and redeemed those statements.)  I pressed on and praised God that I did.

"Priorities have a way of squeezing out the less pleasant activities, unless we make a point to prioritize them." p 43 

This statement caused me to pause.  Things that I find difficult to get into in a day must be less pleasant and if so, what does that say about me?  Yeah, I got to think things like that through - is internet and TV a priority or is my God and family - which one am I making the most time for?

"My point being that if we become disciplined with the small things in life, we will grow to discipline ourselves even further." p 96

I've heard this saying before - if you want to hear God's direction on the big things, be obedient in the little things.  If you want God's direction on what you are to do with something the Bible isn't 100 % clear about, why not start with following the directions on the things the Bible is 100% clear on and you'll learn how/what God wants in the other thing.  God is all about the small stuff and we need to be too.

Chapter 8 was a wonderful chapter on discipline.  Page 96 had great encouragement to press on through the pain so that self-discipline can be strengthened.  Our bodies need to be discipline until it happens naturally, then we need to keep watch so that we're not disqualified (1 Cor 9:27.)

"To get a biblical view of self-discipline, let's take a closer look at self-discipline side of the woman personified in Proverbs 31:

• Works with eager hands (v 13)
• Brings food from afar (v 14)
• Gets up while it's still dark (v 15)
• Plants a vineyard (v 16)
• Works vigorously (v 17)
• Is clothed with strength and dignity (v 25)
• Speaks with wisdom (v 26)
• Doesn't sit idle (v 27)

"Do some of those characteristics speak to you? Have you refused to work out because it would mean getting up a little earlier?  Do you grab something quick to eat because you don't want to take the time to get your food from afar?  Do you waste too much idle time on the computer or television when you could be enriching your mind?  Are you clothed with strength and dignity, or do you throw on a ball cap, slip on a ratty T-shirt, and then head out of the door praying you won't be seen?" pp 99-100

I had to include all of the above quote.  This whole section spoke to me.  I had never really thought/applied of the Proverb 31 to my discipline.  The Proverbs 31 woman is disciplined.  Yeah, I may not ever become that standard - but I won't discount it for it is God's standard that I strive for and seek His help in obtaining.  I accept where I am and focus on where I'm going - Proverbs 31.
 
Chapter 11 (p 134) describes conscious living and questions to ask to help determine if I'm consciously living.  Yeah, that section spoke to me as well - particularly about surfing the net and channel surf.  Although many of the things on the list are things that were in my past.  I have broke free from those bad habits of unconscious living - praise be to God.

"If you really want to be transformed by the Spirit, as I hope you are seeking to be, He wants every area of your life to be handled in a spiritual way." p 185.

This statement called me out on what I'm not doing - handling every part of my life spiritual.  I didn't consider that I was withholding areas from God.  However, when I don't go to God, when I don't pray about something, when I go on autopilot and 'I can handle it,' I am withholding areas from God.  All things handled spiritually (see Live By the Spirit.)

Candace (with Darlene) really speaks as one who has walked this journey before.  On page 208 she writes about getting to the place where you're over the number on the scale and really want, desires to overcome the bondage food has.  This is precisely where I am.  All the things listed above is God speaking truth to me on how He wants to do this.  Through Him I am free from the bondage.  By His grace I can begin to live it!

Live by the Spirit

I've dug deeper to what it means to live by the Spirit.  Conviction.

So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. Galatians 5:16


I pray.  I seek God's help.  But there are times when I don't and need to.  I need to rely on God's grace throughout the day, yet I stubbornly try to do things on my own.  I try to make better food choices (and fail.)  I try to not get irritated at other drivers (and fail.)  I try to get what is most things important done (and fail.)

I allow compromise, my need to control and the ease of distractions to invade.  I'm not strong enough to face it on my own despite what my stubborn self says!

What would happen if I stopped and sought the Spirit's help.  He's in me.  He's here to be my Counselor (direct me in the way of the Father), to be my Comforter (this world will have troubles) and my Convicter (that twinge in the gut when I'm not focused on the right thing.)

To live by the Spirit isn't just acknowledging He's with me.  It's building the relationship to listen to Him, to respond to Him and to seek His grace out.

Instead, be filled with the Spirit.  Ephesians 5:18

I heard a little tidbit about this verse and it spoke to me, went seamlessly with the above thought (Go God!)  Ephesians is written to believers, who have the Spirit, so that don't need to be filled with the Spirit.  What they need to do is allow the Spirit to purify sin and fill them (better written to be filled by the Spirit.)  Am I allowing the Spirit to fill me?  Do I allow self-control to ooze through me with temptation is strong?  Do I allow love (and forgiveness) to fill my inner being when other drivers are clearly out. of. their. minds?  Do I quench the Spirit's voice when I focus on things that are seconds (not first priorities?)  Do I reach for grace or am I blindly hidden behind the veil that it will be there when I need it, so I don't have to ask?

And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. 1 John 5:15 (underline mine)

I have grace, that is given.  God knows my prayers and needs.  I have access to all that I need.  It is for my benefit, to remind me that He is the Provider, that I ask.  This doesn't mean He withholds until I ask, however the Bible is clear with need to ask.  Just like waiting on my daughter to become aware of a need and ask me.

When temptation is strong, do I turn to Him for grace?  Do I declare with my mouth "I love You MORE!"  I'm getting there.  God wants me there.  He wants no room to doubt that every aspect of my life is handled by Him through me.  My mind may say it's true, but now my actions need to follow through.  I need to live it.  I need to fully live by the Spirit.

God is so good.

 

http://timewarpwife.com/

Lighten up

Sometimes I wonder why I get so serious.  I know the Mom in me wants to get everything done - but to what expense?  Is it worth it?

This week I had to back track two commitments I made.  Yup, I had to send one email to say I couldn't make the school function and one phone call.  God made me so uneasy about both - which I am thankful. 

It's my desire to do it all - save the world on my own.  But the world already has a Savior and I'm not it!  What disrespect I show.  How many times does God has to show me before I get it.

I can't volunteer effectively for everything.  I am serving in places meant for others.  Then all kinds of ugly comes out - I'm stressed trying to do it on my own.  I'm unkind (to put it kindly) because I'm so focused on the doing that I forget the people along the way.  I begin to expect to be served while I'm serving - you must do what I want you to do while I'm serving you.

I need to take time before saying yes.  I need prayer.  I need to focus on my Papa and His plans.  Are my motives right?  Is the reason to say yes about me or Him? 

What I really want is the joy that comes from being obedient to God.  From sitting at His feet - clinging to Him.  I can't do that if I'm in a whirlwind of doing.  I want a smile on my face.  I want to be flexible.  I want to laugh more.  Enjoy these moments I have.

Level Ground

I called it the boot of shame.  If you ever watched Up and remember the collar of shame, you get it.  A dog doesn't do anything particular to get the collar.  For whatever reason, I had several friends endure the boot in the past year.  I foolishly tried to amp up my exercise routine mid-December, only to have my foot tighten up.  Like if you walked up a ladder to get out of a pool and your foot tighten?

But this wasn't just a tight muscle, it was a strained ligament and fallen arch.  In the process of stretching my foot, I injured the nerve that runs to the big toe.  So after many doctor visits, x-rays, I endured the boot of shame for a month.  It is very hard to walk in.  My hips were aching more.  Uneven ground was my pitfall, gravel too hard to balance, ice and snow - no thank you.

I thought of Scripture to speaks to making the path level for Jesus: Isaiah 26:7, Isaiah 40, Matthew 3, Mark 1, Luke 3,   
God make the ground level for his righteous: Jeremiah 31:9.

In that boot I needed a level ground.  In my walk on earth level ground is 'easier.'  It may not be the road the world chooses, but I'm walking where the Spirit leads.  Just as God sent John the Baptist to make a path to Jesus level for those who believed, He is sending messengers to make level paths in my heart to draw nearer to Him and be in His will.  John B, as I like to call him, didn't have an easy life to the world standards.  He wasn't concerned with things of this world.  He wasn't successful in reaching everyone, but the ones he did reach were never to same. 

How do I go about making my heart level so God can do the most work?  The bumps are my self-willed desires to rule in the my kingdom.  The stubborn disobedience as I cling to the world.  The arrogant belief that I know how to fix me better than God can fix me.  I choose the time, the way and the method, even the end result (insert crazy laugh here cause it can't happen!)

Proverbs 4:20-27 speak the truth on how to do this:

²⁰ My son, pay attention to what I say;

    turn your ear to my words.

²¹ Do not let them out of your sight,

    keep them within your heart;

²² for they are life to those who find them

    and health to one’s whole body.

²³ Above all else, guard your heart,

    for everything you do flows from it.

²⁴ Keep your mouth free of perversity;

    keep corrupt talk far from your lips.

²⁵ Let your eyes look straight ahead;

    fix your gaze directly before you.

²⁶ Make level the paths for your feet

    and be steadfast in all your ways.

²⁷ Do not turn to the right or the left;

    keep your foot from evil.

Be aware of what God says, keep His word in my sight and heart for they bring health.  Guard my heart above all things.  Keep my speech pure.  Fix my eyes on Jesus.  Follow the level path God lays before me, trusting Him.  Keep taking each step to draw nearer to Him, avoiding turning to the left or right, which will take my eyes off Jesus and my feet from His path.   

I often ask where am I making the path uneven?  Where is God leading me through this maze of the world to get to Him?  Am I obeying?

Are you?

Not my call

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 1 Peter 4:10

 
I felt the need to step out of a ministry position I held for over a year, yet I felt to many were relying on me.  See, the leader I helped announced she was leaving her position.  That left a part time person to handle things until a new leader was in place.  I couldn't just leave her.  Our prior leader said I was one of the reasons she knew now was the time to leave for a new ministry because of all the key people she had the could run things until a new leader was in place. 

All that to say I felt the demands to leave the service, yet I didn't.  I learned a lot in the process.  I was in the tough part of my classes to be a counselor and starting to write my exam.  I had cut things down - including this blog - so I could devote my time to what God said to devote my time to.  Yet, with this position I didn't.

But I learned grace to help the one who isn't confident in making decisions.  It's not possible to overcommunicate during the times when things need to get done and very few workers. 

Rely on God to fill the gap.  He sent teens to help do  some office work.  He stretched supplies so that we had what we needed.  He worked creativity of those involved so make what should have been a disaster into beauty.  He grew a love within my heart in place of annoyance. 

Then I sprained my foot.  I knew I couldn't do the job with a hurt foot.  With everything prepared I knew I should leave the service - yet I didn't.  I continued along doing a little.  Then it came time where they needed someone to do the work I did so I went back, foolishly thinking I was healed enough.  But I hadn't.  This time, I had to leave the position and I was quickly replaced.

Found out the one who replaced me prayed 6 months for a ministry!  He was so very happy to have the opportunity to serve in this way.  Happier about it than I think I ever was doing the work.

It made me wonder why I held on so tight to the position.  All the times I wanted to give it up before I thought I was being selfish or...the list of lies goes on.  God used my clinging to sanctify me.  Perhaps He used it to help my replacement be willing to serve - I don't know the what ifs. 

So what service might you be holding to tightly to?  Has God asked you to move on and you've refused?  What service has God called you to that you have refused to obey?  We all have gifts, gifts meant for service.

Living Fountain

I am a fish out of water, pressing forward to the living fountain, the closer I get the more I'm flopping.  I know there is victory when I dive fully in.  As I breath another breathe, the war is not over. 

All my focus should be on finishing my exam, but it is not.  I am honest, finally.  Excuses stop today.  Please help me Lord.

Signing off for now - will return when those things which should not occupy me have been laid down.  I will stomp their fire out and flame the Spirit.  Set Him alive in me.  Jump fully in.

1 Peter 1:21-22 Fervent Love

Through Him you believe in (adhere to, rely on) God, Who raised Him up from the dead and gave Him honor and glory, so that your faith and hope are [centered and rest] in God.  Since by your obedience to the Truth through the [Holy] Spirit you have purified your hearts for the sincere affection of the brethren, [see that you] love one another fervently from a pure heart. 1 Peter 1:21-22

v20 says Jesus was chosen before all time to come.  Through Jesus I believe in God.  

I love adhere - stick to, have loyalty to.  Stick to as Mary did seeing Jesus in the garden - cling to His feet.  I adhere to God, His ways.  

Rely on - only through His grace can I love and follow Him.  Jesus raised from the dead, Jesus has honor and glory now so my faith and hope are focused on God.  

What do I need to do to have God at my center?  

Where is He not?  Show me Lord!

v 22

1. My obedience is only through the Holy Spirit, not on my own.

2.  My heart is purified by obedience.

3. A purified heart can have sincere affection for others.

4.  My love should be fervent (very hot; glowing; marked by great intensity for feeling).  

Lord, help me to purify my heart so I can love fervently.  So I can exercise your mercy on others.  On this point I have far to go, but You, my Lord, are the only way to get there.

That Situation

When something happens - do I think 'why is this happening to me?' or 'what is God doing in this?'

Oh those little words of conviction - slightly rephrased.  I've been fighting a judgmental attitude for a while now.  I observe the world and wonder how people can do what they do - sometimes I express those thoughts and sometimes not. 

So when the situation happens, God made me aware of it because:
1. I am not to get angry at the behavior of others - for my anger does not help anyone.
2. I am not to run away and avoid what is happening.
3. I am not to entertain judgmental thoughts against someone - especially since I don't know what's fully going on with them.
4. I am not to complain - about the perceived disrespect, the interruption of my plans, the general discontent with the world that turns my heart hard.

5. I am to ponder what God's intent is in making me aware of what's going on.
6. I am to gather additional information if I am led to DO something (not just say something).
7. I am to pray for the situation, turn everything over to God's power.  This world needs prayer and every time I notice, I can replace those condemn thoughts with petitions to prayer.
8. I can put a smile on my face and just go with it - since things are how they are, a good attitude will help everyone along.  The world needs more good attitudes - God has asked me to have a good attitude.

Love of Emptiness - Part 3

What I like most about this term – love of emptiness – is the fact I do not love emptiness, yet it describes my habits!!  Being able to name it means I can recognize it and be alert when it creeps into my life.  I can follow the prompting of Holy Spirit when I’m doing empty things. 

When I argued back about the ease of hopping on the computer, or flipping on TV, just to fill a little time.  The little time that I couldn’t devote to real study of God’s word or be able to clean anything properly.  The excuses went on and on.  Perhaps this should have been my first clue that I was truly in the wrong.

So I asked Him to lead me to make His word available to me.  Help me figure out that setting down to read a short passage, without all the bells and whistles a “true” Bible study had to it.  (Not that I never did this, it’s just rebelling against doing it regularly.) 

I began to obey.  I left my morning study open and Bible open so I could just sit down and jump right in.  God did deliver me from TV watching – because I asked Him.  It was slow going, I was reaching for the computer more than the Bible, but that was coming.  God is delivering me from the mindless activities.  Giving me motivation to do what I really need to do. 

so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. Isaiah 55:11

God word does not come back empty.  It fills, makes beauty where ashes once where.  It reveals Jesus where only ugly sin once was.  Filling the emptiness with God, becoming so content with Him that nothing else will do.  

Love of Emptiness - Part 2

We fill the emptiness of our lives with a hundred pieces of world.  The smart phone is this – it must be check, must be looked at, must have the latest app to simplify your life in a complicated way!

We must stop!  It reminds me of the Never Ending Story that Nothing is slowly taking over the imagination of children therefore consuming all of  Fantastica.  The Nothing is spreading yet many are unaware of it coming.

You will eat but not be satisfied; your stomach will still be empty. Micah 6:14a

It is the same with any habitual sin.  We’re always seeking to fill up on the world, but since we are not filling up on what last, we are empty.

What to do? 

It is asking God to make me aware of His presence.  To help me focus on His word.  It remove the sinful habits of going to email, computer time, TV that consume my day. 

It’s not just stopping the above actions and bam, I’m no longer empty.  For Jesus said:

“When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation.” Matthew 12:43-45

So we are to replace the emptiness.  For me, God prompted me to begin journaling first thing, writing out scripture and writing what He speaks to me.  This was the first step.  It meant I got up about 15-30 minutes earlier to have that quiet time.  And for someone who loves sleep, this is a big deal.  Slowly, God showed me how to replace the emptiness.

Stealing Time

Ephesians 3:15-16  Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

Last night I watched a program.  It referred to "stealing time" when a person spends their time at work on personal things or surfing the internet.  We are held to a higher standard than the "norm" that says we have a right to check email, read blogs and it is a must to check Facebook or twitter, ect.

Good thing for me, I don't "work" outside the home.  Oh, you know what happened then.  The Holy Spirit breezed in and said "this is what I'm talking about.  I sent this to you so you could fully understand what I'm trying to do in you."

So of course I've mulled it over, fell asleep and forgot.  Not to be forgotten long, for I read my daughter her devo for the morning and low and behold these verses above and the need to spend my time wisely was the charge of the day.

I need to be careful.  I need to be wise.  I need to make the most out of every opportunity.  I need to strive for excellence (not perfection).  Because the days are evil!  I need to be careful!  Be wise!  Make the most of every opportunity because the evil is waiting to lure to not be excellent, not be wise, not be careful, not make the most out of every opportunity.

Now my girl has returned to school, it is like New Year's for me.  A time I reflect on what I did last year and what I want to do this year.  A time to do __________ that I put off over the summer so I could devote my time to my girl (yes, cleaning bathrooms were on that list, I'm sorry to say).   

A week or so before school started, God made it clear I was putting to much preference on TV watching and if I continued as I was going, all those things I wanted to catch up on and the study I needed to do would be lost because of TV.  I'm also distracted by the internet surfing.  

So the message last night sunk in.  I'm stealing time away from God when I spend it on things I want, not on the good stuff He's given me.  I'm not so careful when I pursue information that is not needed (what is a best-boy grip anyway?).  I'm not wise when I plan to get a lot done then devote the morning to reading blogs and facebook and I'm definitely not making the most of my time.  I'm not being excellent.

This isn't to say all internet use is stealing or wrong.  You know in your heart when you've crossed the line.  You know when you need to shut off the TV, game or whatever that is distracting you from doing what God is calling you to do that day - clean your house, do the laundry, seek Me in my word.  Praise Me with music, with the cry of your prayers.  You won't be disappointed and you won't feel empty and you'll have accomplished the work before I've set before you.

 

Seek Me

God is repeating Himself to me.  “Seek Me”.  I’ve read it many times in my books, but it wasn’t until recently that it stood out in a couple places – be focused on our vertical relationship over any horizontal relationships.  He did this just as He revealed and helped sink in (and answered prayer) to love Him four fold – mind, heart, soul and body. 

He has prepared my heart to go deeper – to really allow this to sink in – to become my new nature – part of my very essence – my heart.

Proverbs 3:6

In all your ways acknowledge (submit to) Him and He will make your path straight.  

What does it mean to acknowledge Him?  To submit my ways to Him?

It brings a new level of loving Him.  Wow, think of Him first.  To seek Him and allow Him to do the work in me.

When I prayed for more of my heart to be revealed, God convicted me.  When I’m convicted of something, I take hold and condemn myself.  I agree that the change needs to happen, then I get busy going about what I think should change and how I should change and when I should change and what the results of that change should look like.  I create plans that fail for I’m trying to do it. 

The change needs to be from the heart and the only way any heart changes is if God changes it.  I need to agree with God and ask Him to show me the steps to change. 

The example in my life if weight loss.  I was convicted (from God) and condemned (from me) to lose weight.  I allowed God to work many things out of me.  With the help of man made tools, I lost a substantial amount and kept it off because of a lifestyle change. 

With my physical issues and my lax with food, I’ve put on 7-8 pounds.  It has brought me to think I should return to lose weight and get to my real goal, which is about twenty pounds lighter.  Do you see the keyword here?  Me or my!

This is me taking something I’m convicted of (eating mainly) and deciding how it should be fixed and what the end results should be.

What is should look like:

1. Listen to God – stock up on healthier food to snack on (Cheez-its don’t count!)
2. Acknowledge Him in all my ways – especially when it comes to food in my mouth.

So in my own planning, I thought I would once again sign up for an online weight loss program and resurrect the gumption to do it.  However, God pointed He’s ready for a deeper heart change.  One that acknowledges Him and that He is enough for all things.

(This is in no way says that the man made tools are not Godly.  If He leads you, follow.  Right now He’s leading me another way.  It is a step of faith He wants from me)

 Until we meet again – may God be your eternal light.

3 Attacks

I'm attacked mainly in three ways.  When I'm doing well on one regard, one of the others come up.  I'm learning it's a form of condemnation in which I am free from in Christ.  Seeing the pattern will go a long way with stopping the affect it has in me.

The first is food.  Am I eating to much?  Should I have eaten that?  Look at all the food I can't have?  Look at all the food I did have?  Oh, it goes on and on.  The attacks are relentless until I stand firm.

The second is work.  When will I get a job outside my home making money?  Will I get the job I applied for?  How will it work for me to work full time?  What will we do with the extra cash?  Vacation?  Buy more things?  Save?  Pay off the mortgage?  If I have applied for a job, my mind goes on and on to what it will be like to do the job and work with the people.

The third is others.  Did they just reject me?  Make fun of me?  Want me to go away?  (Yes, during my depressed years I was quite the paranoid as well.)  Did I speak out of turn?  Was it appropriate when I shared my story?  Did I offend?  Why did they just treat me that way?

As you can see, all this takes me mind off God.  All this interferes with any progress because I'm not trusting God.  Trust God to build and be part of the relationships, to guide me on what to eat and to direct me to where He wants me - either in the work force or in my home or even in His service for no money!!!

I want to be free from these thoughts.  Free from stagnation they create in me.  But how?  Be aware of what I'm thinking.  If any of these thoughts come to mind, I can shift my mind to God.  Pray for the person I'm spoke with.

Just this past week I had an opportunity to do this.  I asked after a friend's father who had health issues.  The response to the question was a grunt (yes this was a man) and no answer.  We were at church and we were separated, so no time to press further.  I shelved all thoughts that this reaction was towards me - as in he didn't want to speak to me.  Later that week, I found out (from him sharing further) that it was about his father.  He had a complaint with his father and hadn't dealt with it on Sunday, but by Thursday he had.

My point in all this is IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!  It's all about God.  My prayer for this man had resolution.  He needed.  (And I didn't need to say I'm praying for you.  Sometimes I think this hurt the situation more.)

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.  Philippians 4:8

 

He is My Portion

...your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  Matthew 6:32b

To start with here's a small seed in my heart for a desire to work overseas in missions. We are having some work done on our house. It has led me to review my attachment to this house - how much money we've invested to make it our home.  How much the market value is.

How would it work out to be on a long term mission? Of course I shelved that question for when God calls us. I couldn't deny my attachment to my home and how difficult selling this place would be emotionally. This is the 2nd time God has worked this in my heart this year. 

I can see I am like the Pharisees, who valued things/position over people, if I allow my attachment to my home to get in the way of reaching the lost. For reaching the lost causes rejoicing in Heaven. 

That was the first revelation.  Then the next day He asked through a lecture: Do you allow God to direct where you live?  What?  To allow God to direct my home, be it in Indiana or New Guinea? 

He showed me the ugly greed in my heart.  I was concerned about the money, the investment, the upkeep.  Would we get the money back?  Oh, how ugly greed is.  It's been there for a while, I just didn't recognize it.

I have repented. I have submitted. Lord, You gave it to me. I will follow Your leading on all I have - either for me to keep or to give away.  For what we put into this home is for us to enjoy now and perhaps when it is Your timing - will bless others.  Amen.

As a final thought, how easy it is to gloss over greed when I considering a minor thing like a flag.  Oh, how my heart changes when we speak of thousands of dollars.  I am so thankful this was revealed to me, as an answered prayer for God to reveal any corruption in my heart.  It is truly a blessing to let go of all things and be content with the portion God is.  Content, not attached.

Being quick

Fools find no pleasure in understanding    but delight in airing their own opinions. Proverbs 18:2

 I’ve come to see I’m quick to point out faults. 

Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins [forgives and disregards the offenses of others]. 1 Peter 4:8

This is an ugly side of me.  (Faults of others are not the only thing I speak of, but it is there and rears it’s ugly head from time to time.)  If it needs to be known, God will make it known.  It doesn’t have to be me who lays it right out there in front of others, unless God calls me to do it.  I learned to do this with my husband. 

These are small insignificant things.  I did it gently, but I can’t help to think my pride was right there in the middle.  I didn’t take time to think.  I just spoke.  I could see the weight added to my friend’s shoulders.  

This isn't to be confused with sin.  It is commanded that we gently work to restore anyone out of fellowship with God.  The key is that God convicts me to do it.  As I mentioned above, my pride was right there, indicating it was for my glory that I spoke, not God, and definitely not to build up my friend.

Life Principle: In love, I do not point out the faults of others.