Friday, June 29, 2012

Patience revisited

Patience.  Oh my.  Of course just when I think I'm patient, I'm tested.  I'm distracted as well.  My church is encouraging us to go over dreams - God given dreams.  

O course that lights me to start things.  However, God has laid out my next path.  That is why he is quiet on my current request for direction.  I mean - how many times does He need to tell me before I stop asking the same question?  (And that reminds me of my daughter, LOL.)

He reminded me of my path and how He wants me to be faithful to it.  It won't be overnight - so He made the following stories come to mind:

Abraham waited 20 years before Isaac was born. Genesis 21:5
Paul waited two years before he went to Rome. Act 24:27
Jacob waited 20 hears before he returned home. Genesis 30-35
Jesus trained for 30 years before beginning His ministry. Luke 3:23

The Bible is full of stories of how waiting on God or circumstances or training happens to move on to something else.

I am going through a time of continued faithfulness.  I must prove my faithfulness to myself that I can be faithful to God's calling.  This will be a time to draw on in the future, when I need encouragement.  In being faithful, I need patience to see it through and follow God's way of doing things, not try to do His will my way (legitimate things illegitimate ways).

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Eyes of a Child

Eyes of a child, to approach life like my daughter does.  Every situation is an opportunity to play.  The next adventure is only limited by the story you make up.  When you're bored with things - pretend you are someone else:  an adventeror, a detective, a niece set for global travel.

And more times than not, the animal of the day...penguins, polar bears, pandas, horses, dogs, cheetahs, dolphins...

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

God's in the Driver's Seat

When I try to drive from the passenger seat, I am left anxious, skittish, afraid to look where I am going.  I'm paranoid of other drivers.

On our road trip, for that matter, whenever our family goes anywhere, D usually drives.  He prefers it over just sitting in the car.  On our recent trip, I could make minor adjustments - like turn the wipers on faster (this drives me crazy), turn on the defrost (I think he wants to drive blindly), I can point out hazards.  I can allow myself to get anxious, uptight and jumpy. Basically do all I can to control the situation despite the fact that I don't have control.

I don't even enjoy the ride.  I miss the scenery.  I'm focused on the wrong things.  I'm trying to go my own way with him in control.  I'm allowing him to take me along, but I'm not going willingly.

Do I trust him?  When I remind myself of our past.  I do not trust other drivers and I'm applying my past on him.  I've never been in a serious accident with him.  He can drive like there isn't an inch of ice on the road when there is.  No matter how stressful the traffic is, he is calm even a little daring.

And the important question: Do I do this to God?  Do I try to make little adjustments to make the journey better?  Do I follow along, resisting the path He has chosen?  Do I focus on the wrong things and miss the important things along the way?  Do I forget His past faithfulness?  

God, I give you the driver's seat.  Take me where You will.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Slightly off

Ok, I must admit that over vacation I didn't spend as much time with God as I should and needed to .  It left me slightly off and the first thing to go was my thinking.  To be real, I need to share what was a wake up call.

I recently heard news of someone.  Instead of focusing on the situation, of how I could be of service, of how I could pray, my first thought in my mind went to how this might be an answer to my prayer (in a selfish way, it it was an answer to another prayer).  Thankfully, it didn't take long that the Holy Spirit said "What?"

I repented of my selfish thoughts and prayed over the situation and those involved.  

God is so good to convict and correct those He loves.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Choice: Content

One of my service projects has come to a close.  Looking back of the year, I felt like a failure at one point, then I was determined to finish to the end - remembering the call God placed on me to do the job.  God used that service to grow me in ways I didn't know I needed it, Praise Him!

Yet, afterwards, many others who were in the program spoke of how great things went for them and that little discontent bug popped in.  Oh, I tried not to focus on it and look at the good God did through it.  The bug was there, no denying it.  Things like that are always there, trying to make me discontent with the lot God has given me.  Best to face it and tell it to take a hike.

Then, as always, God gives me His perspective even when I don't ask for it.  I recently bought a new devo book.  I turned to the page for the date for my first reading.  It was about being bold and stepping out to do something different, to follow a dream God placed in your heart.  Even if you fail at doing it, it is better to have tried then wonder if I would have succeeded.  So don't be afraid to try.

All I could do is sit in awe.  I had to think of my friends that thrived in the program.  How one friend joined mid-year.  I know me, I would have wondered 'Why?' does she get to do this and I don't.  It would have been the other side of the discontent bug.  

This is a scheme to just make me discontent.  Plain and simple, no matter how you look at it.

I thanked God yet again that this program didn't feel like home.  Now I know that it is my friends' calling, not mine.  He has called me to another program.  He may call me back to this one in the future when I am more equipped to handle it.  Thank God He gave me what I needed to get through this year.  He revealed a true yearning in my heart where I can love and have  compassion for others in the service.   I look forward to what God has in store for me. 

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Personal Happenings

We recently went on vacation.  So thankful for scheduled posting on this blog.  I'll share some of our adventures as soon as I get an opportunity to write.  That is difficult with my girl home.  I did have my pen and paper in the car and wrote a few blogs, which will be coming to you soon over the next month.

Somehow, I have bruised my foot.  It is incredible painful to step down.  I know this is a symptom of other foot issues, but it is a bruise.  So I'm hobbling along in super comfy shoes.

I'm trying to determine the right amount of daily review for my girl over the summer.  Subtraction isn't so easy for her and next year she'll need to know it much better than she does.  Balance...

I normally donate things when I decide to clear house.  However, a friend is having a yard sale.  I don't live in high traffic area and would have to put out a lot of signs to lead traffic to my home.  K wants to do a lemonade stand, so she and her best bud will hold a lemonade stand when the mamas do a yard sale.  Its amazing how much stuff you can find just going through the house.  I've ignored my garage for years, so I'm ready for it all to be gone.  We're looking forward to making money.  Our initial goal is enough to buy a Kindle Fire.

On today's agenda is baking my famous oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, which I may share with you soon, for our Life group tonight.  We're reviewing a book at our church, which we're also discussing at Life group.  I'm not ready mention the book, since I struggle with how topics are presented in the book.  I'm hoping our summer Life group will help me understand a little more.

Speaking a Life group, this is our fourth year doing a summer session.  The core group has remained the same for the past couple years.  We meet at parks all over the area, have one sitter for the children while they play and we meet (most kids are now above 3).  Every other week we have a cookout.  We bring enough main dish for our family and a side dish or dessert to share.   Praise the Lord, in the four years we've done this, Wednesday evening have had the best weather all summer long!  

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Trembling with fear

As Paul discoursed on righteousness, self-control and the judgment to come, Felix was afraid and said, “That’s enough for now! You may leave. When I find it convenient, I will send for you.”  Act 24:25

I recently heard a lecture that included this verse.  They mentioned the fear Felix felt - the conviction of the Holy Spirit.  That this is often accompanied by tremblings, when we are at a point of resisting the Holy Spirit's presence.  

I felt this way.  I remember it distinctly the first time.  I was 15 at church camp.  That summer I had fallen into a not so good crowd that included a PK.  I remember there was an alter call to repent of our sins and receive Jesus if we had not.  There was only a handful a kids that did not go forward, I'm sad to say, I was one of them.

The Holy Spirit had a hold of me and I was trembling, near tears.  This was near the end of the week.  The time had past just going through the lessons and waiting until we had a free time to have "real" fun.  

I knew the trembling, it had visited me before when my blood sugar was low.  That's what I blamed the trembling on now, even though deep down I knew it wasn't the reason.  One of our leaders gave me some food (candy), since I declared that would make me better.

I can see it was at that moment that I gave myself up to the world.  It would take nearly 15 more years to come back under God's protection.  Those trembling didn't go away.  I developed very unhealthy relationships to many things.  Food - for surely it would fix my hypoglycemia. Helping others - for surely it will validate who I am, to show me I'm worth something.  Control - I often lost control, but strove to have for surely it would make me happy.  All of this and more just left me empty, alone, overweight, anxious (for I couldn't control anything) and an emotional wreck. 

Those tremblings, the fear is a result of not wanting to die to self and live for Jesus.  I haven't felt that in a long time for I'm a little quicker to obey the Holy Spirit (although not perfect yet).  

I couldn't believe this moment flashed back to me.  I spent several minutes going over it (good thing I could hit pause on the lecture).  I plan to meditate more on this pinpoint that God brought back into my head.  One thing I know is that those 15 years are years now covered by Jesus, they are no more, for that I'm eternally grateful.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Time to Write

I love writing, Ha that's a surprise.  However, I am prone to have my best composing happen when I'm no where near paper or a computer.  Often I'm laying in bed or have my hands in dish water or stirring a pot. 

Finding time to write can be difficult at these times with my family home or when I should be sleeping.   Yet, I can't trust I'll remember the next time, because I don't!  By the next day I can only  remember half and then it doesn't make sense when I write it down.

How to capture the thoughts?

Well, I'm techno behind, as previously stated.  I don't text...egads right?  We decided it just not part of our life.  We converse with people rarely enough, with texting, we may never have a voice conversation with a real person again.

Yet, I got a fancy non-smart phone so I would have a tool in relative closeness to type in those wisps of brilliance (perhaps to flattering) that flutter around in my brain.  I can save a note in my phone.  Then I just need to take the time to write before I accidentally delete all my saved notes.  Not saying it happens (it does), just saying I need to get writing and not put it off.

Some nights, I'll get out of bed to write, it is the best time.  Sometimes I'll toss it up to God the help me remember.  It is for Him I write and if it really is that good, I'll remember, eventually.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012


I suffer from an exaggerated sense of responsibility.  I admit it.  And if I'm not careful, it will consume me.  

Things I've been known to do:
I correct children when their parents are present.
I don't ask for help because the other person will not follow through.
I take on the problems other people have and try to solve them.
I get depressed when I can't save myself or others from the heartaches of this life.

It's a waste of time.  

God has called me to do what He has called me and not to do anymore.  Allow others to have their responsibility.  Life is hard enough to do what's before me.  To take on what others are suppose to bare is to much.

What I'm not responsible for:
How others respond to me when I'm doing right.
What others say they will do and don't.
Trying to please everyone and still not doing that.

Generosity is an example.  I often worry about what will happen if I give something.  Will it be used wisely?  Will they value the sacrifice I made?  Then I ask those questions of myself in terms of the gift Jesus gave.  Do I use His gift wisely?  No, not all the time.  Do I value His sacrifice?  No always.  God calls me to give, not see that the gift is valued or used wisely.  It doesn't matter that the homeless man will sell the waterproof flashlight I give, I'm called to give.

So from time to time I take a look at my responsibilities.  I question if I'm giving what if truly mine enough attention.  Or am I giving more time to responsibilities that aren't mine?  I call these my reality check day. 

Friday, June 1, 2012

Random Comment 6-1-2010

Another random comment that the Holy Spirit breezed in and wouldn't let go.  Recently, when sharing how I gave up sweets to a family member (who isn't saved*), her reply was, "Life's to short to do that."

Oh, that rattled my brain for several days.  Life's to short?  Yes, if you do not believe in eternity, life IS to short.  That's what that comments indicates.  That's what the world wants me to believe.  Life is to short to be healthy - enjoy all food - even if you don't feel well eating them.  Life to short - indulge, indulge, indulge.

I lived a good part of my twenties that way.  I indulged and it left me miserable.  Life is not to short.  I live in eternity.  I have a bit of time that I will spend in this fleshly body.  I don't want to separate eternity into earth and heaven.  I live as if it is one.  I live following God, submitting to His will for my life.  Becoming fully who I am in Him, which is becoming Him, in me.  My eternity is now.  I can't live as if what I do today does not matter because I'm in this fleshly body.  It does matter.  My life is not short, my life is eternal.  My life worth living fully.  

*And I do what I can to influence my family to eternal light.  I find as an example of Jesus and his family as well as Paul and sharing the gospel in Jerusalem for peace in my relationship with my family.  It is difficult for them to see me as a light, for they know my past and they are hardened and entrenched into their life.  
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