One of my service projects has come to a close. Looking back of the year, I felt like a failure at one point, then I was determined to finish to the end - remembering the call God placed on me to do the job. God used that service to grow me in ways I didn't know I needed it, Praise Him!
Yet, afterwards, many others who were in the program spoke of how great things went for them and that little discontent bug popped in. Oh, I tried not to focus on it and look at the good God did through it. The bug was there, no denying it. Things like that are always there, trying to make me discontent with the lot God has given me. Best to face it and tell it to take a hike.
Then, as always, God gives me His perspective even when I don't ask for it. I recently bought a new devo book. I turned to the page for the date for my first reading. It was about being bold and stepping out to do something different, to follow a dream God placed in your heart. Even if you fail at doing it, it is better to have tried then wonder if I would have succeeded. So don't be afraid to try.
All I could do is sit in awe. I had to think of my friends that thrived in the program. How one friend joined mid-year. I know me, I would have wondered 'Why?' does she get to do this and I don't. It would have been the other side of the discontent bug.
This is a scheme to just make me discontent. Plain and simple, no matter how you look at it.
I thanked God yet again that this program didn't feel like home. Now I know that it is my friends' calling, not mine. He has called me to another program. He may call me back to this one in the future when I am more equipped to handle it. Thank God He gave me what I needed to get through this year. He revealed a true yearning in my heart where I can love and have compassion for others in the service. I look forward to what God has in store for me.