2015 Plans

Well I did it again.  Over and over I have in my mind I won't do it, but I do.  How I so get Paul in Romans 7.  It wasn't just because it's New Years, I also have completed all the requirements for certification of biblical counseling (Woohoo!)

So what a perfect time to make some changes - form new habits.  I instruct in counseling the need to put off old habits of our dead sinful nature and put on new habits that reflect our alive status in Christ (Christ alive in our place.)  So I went out and found something call a powersheet.  I planned it, I would choose three components to work on each month...Spirit, health and home.  I would work at these three things for three weeks to form the habit and then spend the last week of the month praying for the next month habits.

Verses for the year are for Spirit, health and home:

• Roman 12:1-2 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship.  Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then your will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.
• Titus 2:12 It [grace of God] teaches us to say "no" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and live self-controlled, upright godly lives in this present age.
• Proverb 31:27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Of course through the process of changing me for God, my thoughts went to changing me for me.  I had to once more repent of that and seek God's forgiveness.  I returned to Him to seek His guidance.

The more I thought about the process, the more I thought about what I was going to "do" that the Spirit revealed I was once more going wrong.  It isn't about what I DO.  If I make it about what I do, I am pursuing self-righteousness.

In comes John 3:30 "He must become greater; I must become less."  Yes, it isn't about me changing, putting off old habits of my dead sinful nature by putting on new godly habits.  It's all about me decreasing and Christ increasing.  It's about me seeking God, learning from my Papa, seeking Him, just as Jesus did while He walked the earth.  Jesus didn't seek His own will, but the Father's (Mat 26.)  It's only when I'm part of the Vine that I can bear fruit (John 15.) 

Still further, I am to learn to walk by the Spirit everyday, every minute in all circumstances (Gal 5:16.)  It's not about working on specific habits.  That so limits what I do.  I want to learn to walk by the Spirit so well that doing whatever pops into my head is replaced with purposeful, intentional actions.

I can tell you that I've been assaulted majorly by my fleshly desires.  Last night, to unwind I sat down at the computer.  Before I even click the link to pinterest, I thought "this isn't the best way to unwind."  Yet I clicked anyway.  I could have used that time to stretch, read a chapter in a book, something, anything that would have drawn me closer to my Papa.  

Pinterest isn't bad in itself, but I didn't have anything particular to look for, I didn't have purpose in the action.  It fell into the category of idleness or emptiness that I've posted on before.  This is that type of old habits I'd like to get away from.  If I ignore the Spirit's direction to not click, how am I learning to listen to Him?  

Powersheet will be put down.  I have one simple quest:

I hope to write devos that will help me stay on track and explore what God's Word says on the Pursuit.

Finished

With a deep breath I can say I have finished - the paperwork still needs done and I have at least one more meeting, but the work on my part is finished.

I wrestled with putting off the final meeting.  It's Christmas break, I should be able to take off.  Yet, while I stood worshiping in church, I knew I had to try and get it in.  As soon as I got home I emailed, asking for a meeting, not giving a option out (I had originally planned to do this.)  I had to get home since I do not have one of the smart contraptions.

Six hours later I got a yes reply to the meeting.  They could have said no and I would have been fine, since it's in God's hands.  God instructed me to reach out, wait patiently and then finish what I started.

This doesn't mean I'm done:

• Gaining wisdom - I have so much to learn, but now I'm on my own schedule.  I get to choose (listening to Holy Spirit) what and when and pray for the dedication to get it done.
• Meeting with others - I will continue to finish the cases I'm on and see what God has in store for me.

I'm excited for the next phase.  Excited to look back and praise God for what He has brought me through since March 2012.  He has poured so much into me.  It took two years and four months to finish (taking summers off.)  I would encourage everyone to become a Biblical Counselor.  It could easily be done while working as it is done less than part time.  Classes were only one evening a week, very little homework, a lot of reading (this is what summers are for), and growth in ways you  never imagined.  There are training centers that have weekend get-aways classes, but I think it would be too much information crammed into a little bit of time.  I need the slow drip method!

Below is the beautiful card and loving words from my husbands upon completion.

Compartmentalize?

Continuing with my sin of pride.  I focused on my health and my plan to get healthier.  I made it more a priority than spending time with God.  It filled me thoughts.

Hebrew 12:2a: Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus.

I made this simple plan, with my knee and hip issues in mind, to improve my health.  Then my mind was distracted by a few aspects of that.  The distractions opened the door for more distractions.  Needless to say, I was not doing Hebrews 12:2!

As I posted here, I was getting ready to beg for a big dose of grace to be heaped on my plan when God changed my focus. 

But I say, walk and live [habitually] in the [Holy] Spirit [responsive to and controlled and guided by the Spirit]; then you will certainly not gratify the cravings and the desires of the flesh(of human nature without God.) Galatians 5:16

It comes down to if its God’s will, He will enable me.  Only in seeking Him that I can resists the desires of the flesh.  I was excluding God from these areas of my life (my pride said I could do it my way and on my own).  My pastor recently called it compartmentalizing your life.  My health was something I said I wanted to improve me for God.  I introspectively decided it needed fixed.  I didn’t feel conviction to do all my plans.  I allowed the distractions make it about me.  I wasn’t seeing how it all tied together, since in my head it was one of many things.  If the heart in involved, than all things are tied together (btw, all things are a heart thing). 

Fortunately God opened my eyes to see how it is all connected when He revealed how my pride caused the issues sin I struggled with.  What had God convicted me to do?  As I search my heart, I know it is to exercise and gain strength.  I am to avoid sweets and too much sugar.  I am to eat enough food to feed me, no excess.

Unrealistic Expectation

They tie up heavy loads and put them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.  Matthew 23:4

After helping me give up my civilian rights for service of a solider, God revealed clarity to the attitude I had.  I had unexpected expectation for my free time in December.  I had three major events to plan and several to attend.  I wanted to keep our traditions right?  I wanted to make it another perfect Christmas for Kat.  All this was wrong thinking.

What I needed to do and what I wanted to do wouldn’t be finished if I have three months to get it done.  I had to let go and lighten up.  I did so at first with a bad attitude.  I prayed up on Kat’s birthday part so and thankfully how well that went.

With this revelation, God enabled me to let go of a lot of my projects.  He even moved me to a point to drop several of these projects completely, not just postpone them.  Most of these projects were crafty things or handmade Christmas gifts.  I mean really, December is not a time to do these things – yet it was my only free time in nine months, so I grasped for the wrong thing.

God moved my mind back to simplify.  I want to simplify, not add to the things I do.  If I fill my time with my things, I leave no room to do the things God has for me.

Bring on Opposition

Do I really mean that? 

⁶ In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. ⁷ These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. ⁸ Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, ⁹ for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.  1 Peter 1:6-9

All kinds of trials come so that my faith is proved genuine.  The goal of my faith is my salvation – my sanctification.

When opposition comes, do I shrink in fear?  Do I speak God’s truth?  Only in opposition does my faith get stretched, my spiritual muscles grow stronger, that I mature in Christ.  I learn to further rely on God for my life. 

When opposition comes I can focus on the positive or the negative.  I can be paralyzed or mobilized.  Faith is keep on, keepin’ on, no matter the circumstances.  For I trust God and His plans for me.  This led to two more revelation that I will post soon.

Life Principle:  I need opposition to be strong in Christ.  Only through opposition is my faith proved genuine.

New Year Goals

I planned to make this post before the new year started.  Life has a way of changing that.  My girl returned to school today and Dale and I are full swing in regular routine (Ok, his started yesterday).

Things have changed since I made the below list.  I thought of deleting them, however they are all valid and part of the my plan for this year.  Yet, if they don't happen, I'm OK with that.

We'll start with the knee pain that started just before Thanksgiving.  I went to the doctor, the pain only increased, so I agreed to a MRI.  I basically have no cartilage on my knee cap.  They gave me the diagnoses that has 15 letters in just the first word.

Well, nothing says Happy New year than to find out your knees permanently shot.  Of course this all sent me to my knees (figuratively because it hurts!)  What was God's plan in this?  Didn't He give me the desire to go on a missions trip?  How could I do these things with a hip that hurt (right side) and a bad knee (left side).  It was touch and go for me emotionally.  I resisted giving into feelings of despair. 

Really, I have so much to be thankful for, I just couldn't allow myself to go there.  God knew this was happening in my knee (some bizarre issue that mainly plagues women and basically been happening since I was a child).  He knows and I can trust Him.

It brought me to the point of submission.  I was holding on to the plans God revealed to me, yet I was holding on to how I thought they should be carried out.  He revealed that I was placing to much value in many "things" that have no lasting value and not enough in Him.  I came to a point to yet again to say 'I want your way!'  I'm looking forward to the journey to draw closer to God, to maximize my health (and figuring out what that means), to come closer to completing the counseling training. 

1. Organize my home!  I started the process a while ago.  It's been an ongoing thing.  I made great strides last year tackling the garage, so I would love to continue.  Craft projects on hold, I want organized!
2. Regain my health.  I'll share over the next few weeks other health issues I'm having as I learn more.  My goal is to be healthier, stronger than I am today.
3. Complete the Level 2-5 of counseling training.  It will take all year.  Looking forward to learning more.
4. Grow a garden with Kat.  I have hopes that we'll get rain next summer and can grow fresh vegetables.  Nothing like cucumbers from the garden.  We've devoted a good section of the yard for a garden by removing some plant.  If not, I will go to the farmer's market more to get those veggies others were successful in growing.

The Cycle

God gave me clarity on the cycle I go through.  With this knowledge I can and will be on guard against the attack on my thinking.  It's breaking a link in the old rusty chain that weigh me down. 

It starts usually with a goal.  Say a desire to lose weight (for this is one goal I've visited much in my life).  Yes, the initial process lists healthy and glory to God.  It is an attitude of accepting who I am and how I will be patient to get where God is leading.

Then misplaced desire will creep in, via a photo or movie.  Then my thoughts become obsessed with how to attain the new goal, to take things in my own hand to make it happen and happen now.  Gone is patience, acceptance or any other good attitude.  Determination sets in and it brings all the laws that go with it.  I'm not a Bible scholar, but I know law means death.  Yet I still succumb to the laws.  I will do this and I won't do that . . . ugh!  Where do the laws lead, you guessed it - compromise.  'Well I will just put this on hold, just for this one meal, one snack, one day', which of course leads to more compromise, more determination, more laws and ultimately more failure.

This is just where the enemy wants me.  I'm not glorifying God.  I'm not following His plan for me.  I'm allowing my soul to die in order to live under the law.  I am full of guilt, disappointment and worldly desire.  That sums up to me being ineffective in my walk with God.

Then the funny thing happens.  When the Spirit finally gets through to me that this process is happening and I'm not glorifying God, what do I do?  I am determine to stop.  Good right?  Not when I'm determined to stop on my own.  For I can't do it.  The thoughts are still there.  No matter how much to try to divert my thoughts, the world is full of reminders to bring you right back to the thoughts and attitude that I shouldn't have.

Humbly, I fall to my knees and ask the one who can make it stop to send His grace to me.  Only by the power of Christ can I change.  Only by Him will my heart be softened and my focus centered on Him.  He so graciously gives, welcomes me back, refocuses me on Him and His goals for me.  Thank you Jesus.

Purpose of Garage Reveal

What's up with my reveal of my garage?  It doesn't really follow what this blog is about, does it?

Well, here's the story behind it. I need to simplify my life.  The things around my home that suffocate me and remind me of all I haven't done.  It is  spending time trying to find something and can't because it doesn't have a home so it is likely where ever it was last used and then buried under the next project.  

Releasing junk and getting rid of trash is trusting God as well.  If we keep an old wall outlet just in case something goes wrong with the ones in our home . . . where is that logic coming from?  Outlets cost less than a dollar.  I have a house full of them and if one goes bad I can go to another outlet.  I don't need to keep the one made in 1968 any longer.  I trust God that anything that went to the curb or was donated will be replaced if a need arises.  He has always cared for me.  I don't need to hold onto trash for security.

Freeing up space in the garage and in my house frees up me.  Instead of spending my time managing my things, I can do the things I love.  I can read a book in peace.  Create a painting or repurpose a frame.  

It's about caring for my home, being a good steward.  That is one of the essence of a Proverbs 31 wife.  She cares for her home.  She gets things done that need done to take care of her family. 

I know I can't do it all in one month, but I can tick away at each project, at each task until things are easier to manage because the clutter and trash is gone.  It's about making my home more hospitable.  It's realizing this work on my house is just as important as work else where, if I'm doing it for God.  He's called me to be the primary caretaker of my home.  I need fulfill that job the best I can.

Garage Reveal

Ok, here are some comparison pictures of all the work I did.  What I didn't take pictures of is the mess the took up the middle of the garage for three weeks while I sorted and trashed a lot of stuff.  This garage has been the hiding place for the past eight years.  I do hope I don't let another eight years go by without cleaning this up and out again.

This corner was piled high and I couldn't walk over there. 

 

I moved a shelving unit that was on the other side of the garage here.  Got rid of the corner counter top and replaced it with a straight shot counter that I received for free on Freecycle.  I mounted the shelf on the wall the free up counter space.  This was after much debate on using this shelf or repurposing it for something else.  I haven't ruled out repurposing this, because I love the curved lines, but for now, it is mounted to the wall. 

I removed the lower corner shelf to open up counter space.  I removed the door from our old kitchen cabinet to allow easy storage.

The area with the doors will be cleaned up a bit when they return to a closet or to the trash.  Then this space will hold the ladder and our soccer chairs.

This was the dumping ground for old household projects from paint, tile and roofing.  Along with the hopeful mantel that will one day be IN the house.  

Here is after.  The paint is moved to the above corner shelf area.  I put roofing in our outdoor shed.  The extra tiles I gave to my sister.  Just enough for her (her husband) to redo their children's bathroom.  Behind the metal cabinet is only one door we use to make an extra table.  The rest are gone.

Here's two different views, but I wanted to show the new space I created.  

This is the space where the metal shelves were.  I cut the old corner counter, moved the small freezer and drawers over and hung shelves on the wall.  I love this extra counter space and hope to keep it from being a hotspot.  I painted the front of the drawers with chalkboard paint.  Then my cats promptly came in, rubbed most of the chalk off.  Oh, well, it's fun to have.  The shoe box totes are labeled with what is inside.  See the one to the far right.  It has tape in it.  I don't know how much time I've wasted in this garage looking for tape!

These spaces all endured a lot a vacuuming.  A few spiders met their demise in the process. 

Health update

I'll interrupt my regular posts for a quick health update. 


Bad news:  My IT band continues to hurt and has asked it's friends surrounding it on both sides to join in.  I don't remember the names of these small muscles, but I know they are there.  I trudge on with stretching, using the foam roller and ice as needed.  I know this is progress.  


Good news:  I was successful to the fast God called me to.  I didn't eat meat for about a week.  What I fasted for was answered, praise God.  However, I'm not eating meat like I did before.  It isn't appetizing anymore.  The real test was cooking bacon for my family.  I persevered and did not eat any. 


On that note, I'm a pound down and I'm good with that.  I tried some new strength training exercises (see bad news as to some of the results).  I felt those moves for a couple days.  I like them and will continue doing them, just being gentle with this body of mine.  


I have a busy week, as my MIL is visiting this weekend.  Our guest room is Kabingo's (the cat) room in general.  I have lots of hair fluffs to vacuum up.  Which also reminds me he needs another hair cut.

Oh the pain

I've posted before on my tendency to take over.  God's way is great, but my way will be better....how could I have ever thought that?  Sad, but true, I have.  Oh, how I've suffered for it.

Several years ago I decided to ignore the hamstring pain and keep the stretch, going deeper.  I spent several months on the couch while healing.

Spring 2011 I enjoyed jogging 2x a week and seeing nice results and ability to jog longer distances (just over a mile).  But I decided I could get fit faster, go longer and added in 1 to 2 x additional jogging.  Only to have my hip hurt tremendously through my vacation.

Summer 2011 I focused on biking, yoga and doing all the yard work.  I didn't push myself to hard though.  My back went out in the middle.  I finally went to a PT spent two months learning how to keep my muscles in line.

The PT stretching routine became my sole source of exercise over the past school year.  When we went on our vacation at the beginning of June, the hiking up the side of mountains did me in.  My hip flamed up again.  

I prayed for direction on my hip pain.  Did I need to go to the PT again?  What exercise did I need to do?  What physical service could I endure for my Lord if my hip flamed up?  However, God answered the prayer about my back pain, I trust Him for the hip pain a well.

It happened He lead us to go to a store that sells wholesale clear outs (not sure what you call it for new stuff that was clearanced out by other companies and bought by this company).  For a third of the price at a sports store, I found a foam roller.  I learned back with my hamstring was pulled that a foam roller could be used.  However, I couldn't find an affordable one and didn't want to spend money that I didn't know if it would be well spent (relying on my own reasoning).  

I snagged the roller.  At home I did my own rolling, which of course wasn't how I was suppose to do it.  In quick research lead me to bodyspex.com.  In the first video I watched, Jai mentioned that if anything causes a lot of pain means I could have tightness, scar tissue and issues with the muscles.  

This lead me to learn about the Iliotibial Band and IT Band Syndrome.  This is precisely what is causing my hip pain.  Most times this syndrome causes pain called runner's knee, which I suffer minorly from.  However my pain is the hip pain over the greater trochanter.  I also develop Trochanteric Bursitis from overuse.

OK, have I made you go to sleep with this information?  Well I have endured more pain with this foam roller.  I know I'm making progress.  I know I will, after months, maybe years of rehab, regain an active lifestyle with endurance to do it.  The roller is God's blessing to answer my question for my hip pain.  With this syndrome, there is no hurrying the process.  I'm willing to endure, to suffer the pain with the hope that it will soon be healed enough to start jogging again.  God is good!

Video is also helpful.

Obedient journey

God has motivated me with actual goals - which I usually avoid.  Goals He will bless since He called me to it.


Weight by numbers.  

I am currently 157.6 lbs.  For the past few years I've maintained between 150 and 153.  Until school starts again for K, I will work without a food journal.  In the past I am more successful with a food journal.  For me, I struggle with knowing when I am full.  I want to learn more about this.  To be aware of how I feel.  To ask before eating "Is this the best for me?" 


Phase 1 - get back to 150  lbs.
Phase 2 - get to 145 lbs.

Body movement.

I need to regain muscle.  I'm stretching everyday to keep my back and leg pain away.  That has helped me keep some tone, but I know I'm not doing enough.  I also need to get back to some aerobics.  I would love to get back to jogging and I'll post more on that later.

Current schedule (to school starting) - walk a lap 3x a week with K, get my weights out and start a simple routing at least 2x a week.  


After school starts, I'll reassess my advancement and make the adjustments needed.  A few years ago, I was able to jog 2x a week and do strength training 2x and maintain my health.

Confession of a glutton

¹⁴ We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. ¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶ And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.  Romans 7:14-20

This passage from Romans 7 came to mind recently.  I pray that God's will to be done in my life.  I thought I was obedient to what He asked me to do - pertaining to not eating sweets.  I can give you a list of reasons on how I am obedient to this calling.  However, I am neglecting the habitual sin of gluttony that I deal with.  I want to be done with this sin, yet I pick it up over and over.  I look forward to the day when I am done with it.  Perhaps today is that day.  Only God knows.  


I have gained weight over the past few months.  I'm up a few pounds.  In normal circumstances, most wouldn't fret over a few pounds, but for me, it is a sign that I'm not paying attention to the sin in my life.  After some investigation I have found:

• I stopped drinking all my needed water.  Although replaced mainly with unsweet decaf tea or coffee, it still isn't water.  My UT isn't happy about it either. 
• I switched to my summer breakfast of raisin bran (replaced oats).  Based on how much I ate, I added over 200 calories to my day.  The reasoning that it's high in fiber just doesn't cancel excess calories and I was oblivious.
• Since I'm not eating sweets, I upped my simple carb intake.  Remove the bread, pasta and crackers from my reach.
• I skipped adding veggies to our menu.  Went for some sort of potato instead (carbs??).
• I let my workouts to go far and few between.  With the drought and heat wave this summer, my normal outside summer workouts (aka yard work) is non-existent.

So when I explored all this, I remembered the above verses.  I thought how I don't want to compromise.  I want to be in God's will.  Before I'm in God's will until it conflicts with the easy way out, or the second helping of food or reading a book.


So, I'll share over the next few post how God has lead me on this issue.

Patience revisited

Patience.  Oh my.  Of course just when I think I'm patient, I'm tested.  I'm distracted as well.  My church is encouraging us to go over dreams - God given dreams.  

O course that lights me to start things.  However, God has laid out my next path.  That is why he is quiet on my current request for direction.  I mean - how many times does He need to tell me before I stop asking the same question?  (And that reminds me of my daughter, LOL.)

He reminded me of my path and how He wants me to be faithful to it.  It won't be overnight - so He made the following stories come to mind:

Abraham waited 20 years before Isaac was born. Genesis 21:5
Paul waited two years before he went to Rome. Act 24:27
Jacob waited 20 hears before he returned home. Genesis 30-35
Jesus trained for 30 years before beginning His ministry. Luke 3:23

The Bible is full of stories of how waiting on God or circumstances or training happens to move on to something else.

I am going through a time of continued faithfulness.  I must prove my faithfulness to myself that I can be faithful to God's calling.  This will be a time to draw on in the future, when I need encouragement.  In being faithful, I need patience to see it through and follow God's way of doing things, not try to do His will my way (legitimate things illegitimate ways).

Choice: Content

One of my service projects has come to a close.  Looking back of the year, I felt like a failure at one point, then I was determined to finish to the end - remembering the call God placed on me to do the job.  God used that service to grow me in ways I didn't know I needed it, Praise Him!


Yet, afterwards, many others who were in the program spoke of how great things went for them and that little discontent bug popped in.  Oh, I tried not to focus on it and look at the good God did through it.  The bug was there, no denying it.  Things like that are always there, trying to make me discontent with the lot God has given me.  Best to face it and tell it to take a hike.


Then, as always, God gives me His perspective even when I don't ask for it.  I recently bought a new devo book.  I turned to the page for the date for my first reading.  It was about being bold and stepping out to do something different, to follow a dream God placed in your heart.  Even if you fail at doing it, it is better to have tried then wonder if I would have succeeded.  So don't be afraid to try.


All I could do is sit in awe.  I had to think of my friends that thrived in the program.  How one friend joined mid-year.  I know me, I would have wondered 'Why?' does she get to do this and I don't.  It would have been the other side of the discontent bug.  

This is a scheme to just make me discontent.  Plain and simple, no matter how you look at it.

I thanked God yet again that this program didn't feel like home.  Now I know that it is my friends' calling, not mine.  He has called me to another program.  He may call me back to this one in the future when I am more equipped to handle it.  Thank God He gave me what I needed to get through this year.  He revealed a true yearning in my heart where I can love and have  compassion for others in the service.   I look forward to what God has in store for me. 

This is a Test...Part 2

Part 2 of this post

Test: People

I posted this before.  I have come a long way and allowed God to prune me in this. 

Isaiah 2:22 Stop trusting in mere humans, who have but a breath in their nostrils.  Why hold them in esteem?

People disappoint because we look to a person to fulfill a need only God can meet.

I posted before on seeking the approval of people.  Only God can validate me and He approves of His creation!

Test: Persistence 

How many times did I promise I would give up sweets, not eat that thing, then immediately go do that.  This test is about that.

When you make a promise to God, don't delay in following through, for God takes no pleasure in fools.  Keep all the promises you make to Him.  It is better to say nothing than to make a promise and not keep it.  Ecclesiates 5:4-5 (NLT)

This is to keep at it.  To do what is right. Would you make a big business venture with someone who will quit in three weeks?  How about quit the next morning?  In fifteen minutes?  I have to draw from the Holy Spirit's power.  I can not do it on my own, yet the Holy Spirit can't do it on His own either.  I have to be willing.  This has enabled me to give up sweets.  This has enabled me to stop other habitual sins in my life.

Test: Priority

People who don't know God and the way He works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how He works.  Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions.  Don't worry about missing out.  You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.  Matthew 6:33 (Mes.)

What is my priority?  Who is first in my life?  What do I think about most?  It was ‘fix me Lord’.  God showed me how I wasn't trusting Him.  Now I'm moving towards ‘help others’ because I expect Him to do that as well as to fix me.  

Where does the first part of my money go?  Am I giving enough to God?  

What about my time?  Do I spend it on me or being a blessing to others?  I posted before on wasting time.  God has worked and is continually working on this area.  I don't always make the best choices for my time.  I try to start my day focusing my mind on God.  Just as sleep is leaving my head, I turn to Him.  I give my day to Him.  Ask Him to be with me.  To weigh on my heart what He wants me to do, to direct my tasks.  Each day is different to what is added, yet this gets me focused on my day and I know He's with me.

When I first started praying for Him to prioritize my day, it went beautifully.  I dropped things that I thought were important and did the things He said were important.  And then it happened, that dreaded moment when conviction strikes, I'm doing something I want to do and it's not what God wants.  This combines the priority test with persistence test.  Will I follow His plan or do this little thing I want to do?  

If you never felt the Holy Spirit's conviction, ask God to help you change something in your life that you know needs changed yet you see it as impossible.  That nudging inside your heart when you're doing that thing...that's the Holy Spirit.

All in all, if you are going to experience a trial, go through a test, don't you want it to be fruitful?  I do.  I've gone through the same test over and over.  I'm ready to start learning so I can move on.  I want good to come from the bad.  I want to learn what good things God has for me.  

This is a Test...Part 1

Matthew 9:29 b “According to your faith let it be done to you” (NIV)

I heard a sermon earlier this year.  It gave me God’s perspective on circumstances in my life.  Tests and trials grow my faith.  Reaffirms what He’s telling me, “it didn’t turn out how you expected, but it did turn out as I expected.”

John 15:2 b while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. (NIV)

God prunes every branch so it will be even more fruitful.  Since I am part of the branch, I must endure the pruning.  With the plants in my garden, I prune, I cut away dead leaves, cut off flowers that are past their prime, or parts that are going a way I don’t want it to go.  This hurts the plant.  Yet the plant bounces back.  Because the dead is removed, it sends nutrients to make another bloom or stem.  It grows beautifully because of my care.  The same happens when God prunes us. 

And what if a plant does not move on to grow new, but keeps sending nutrients to the dead parts?  It is fighting against what is best for it and it slows the growth.  Again, the same when I stubbornly refuse to die to self and go the way God wants.

Therefore this is what the Lord Almighty says:  "See I will refine and test them, for what else can I do because of the sin of my people?"  Jeremiah 9:7 (NIV)

God will refine me, test me to rid me of my sin.

because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.  Hebrew 10:14

See, by Jesus' sacrifice, He made me perfect.  I need not do anything else but profess and live out my faith.  It's the ‘live out my faith’ in which God works on, so I’m being made holy.  God sees me as perfect - let that sink in.  Yet, I am being made holy.  Test and refinement, moving me towards that full perfection.  Each step removing the sin in my life.

Test: Pressure

How do I handle stress?  Usually not good.  Remember, anxiety?  Yes, I used resort to rude, angry, demanding behavior when I’m stressed. 

Psalm 50:15 and call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.” (NLT)

God is teaching me to turn to Him.  To glance at my circumstances and focus on Him.  Also, if I’m feeling stressed, I step back.  I look to what all I think I need to do.  I seek God’s help to prioritize what I’m doing. 

In the sermon, it pointed out that we lose patience with God and often take the matter in our own hands, think Sarah and Hagar.  Sarah brought Ishmael to God.  She wanted God to bless ‘her’ son.  Yet that wasn’t God’s plan. 

Jeremiah 2:13“My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water. (NLT)

I love cistern example as well.  I remember the first time I heard this passage and thought on its meaning.  It was during my weight loss journey.  I could easily see many places in my life where I dug my own cistern and then asked God to bless my plan.  Particularly, when I start doing what God calls me to do and then add to it my own action plan.  I’m showing I don’t trust God and His ways when I do that.  I must have patience to follow God’s plan for me.

A heart prepared...part 3

Part 1
Part 2

Not long after this, terrible tornadoes swept across the nation.  As I watched on the news, I felt the desire growing to be part of a first response team that goes into the crisis epicenter.  Not to be the one handing out water, but the one giving emotional support, pointing people to God.

This culminated when during another sermon about service.  My thought was I can be part of the counseling ministry they want to start, then God whispered bigger.  I tried to put Him in a box, but He pushed my thoughts bigger.  Bigger to be part of a first response.  Bigger to be on the front line on the missionary field.  Bigger!

So, the direction He gave was to enroll in a local Christian counseling program.  This is part of the life group I wanted to take above, but couldn’t.  This fall I will start with level one, then proceed through all 5 levels over the next few years.  This is the first step to equip me for the work He has laid out.

May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. Hebrews 13:21 

It is an answered prayer.  I wanted so long to find the direction He wanted me to go.  I would ask, but put all my stipulations on it...no childcare for K, salary, no summer hours...oh the silly things I thought!  I love how God is leading me to freedom in Him.  It is great that He’s calling me to this important work for Him.  The gal who often says the wrong thing and has difficulty remember Bible passages or form coherent sentences sometimes.  God is good!

A heart prepared part 2

See part 1 here.   

God put the parable of the good Samaritan before me several times, although this time I saw something different.  The man did what he could for the injured.  He cleaned him, clothed him, took him someplace to get additional care.  His schedule didn’t allow him to stay, so he made arrangement for care and then moved on, vowing to return.  He did what he could, then moved on - not forgetting - just carrying on his work.

I started to pray for God’s will in what I’m doing.  I finally reached a peace about enjoying the current work I did for Him.  Somewhere in my head I thought that I couldn’t really enjoy the work, because I didn’t want to do it.  How crazy is that?  I did it because last summer God said to do it.  After going back and forth with my attitude at the start, I still harbored a poor attitude about it.  I realized He called me to do the work, equipped me, disciplined me in that work and grew me spiritually.  If I’m doing His work, I should allow His joy to seep down to my very soul, not withhold because I hope He’ll change His mind.

Then there was the sermon on service, using our spiritual gifts.  I hadn’t done a spiritual gift survey, so that week I did.  One told me my gifts were faith, poverty, serve/help for my top three.  The other said administration, teaching and showing mercy.  Being a former accountant, I wasn’t surprised at administration. 

Poverty surprised me.  It spoke of how well I would do in the missionary field for I don’t put a lot of value in material possession.  Yet another unknown praise for my childhood.  During the time I resisted submitting to God, missionary work was my fear.  I just knew He would call me to some third world nation were I would be miserable.

Ha!!!  See how much I needed to learn?  Well I do see missionary work in my future.  I accept it and plan to train for it.  It will start slow with a week mission, but I can see it developing into full time or majority time.  When this all will happen, I know not, God just showed me a glimpse.  I will trust in His timing.

Stay tuned for part 3

A heart prepared part 1

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” Acts 1:8

God has directed my steps.  Laid out a path for me, even showing several steps that might happen.  He’s given me a goal. 

Looking back, I am in awe of how He prepared me.  Last fall I struggled greatly with shepherding a small group of women.  I felt like a failure to myself, the organization I was serving, to the women in my group and mostly to God.  That I just couldn’t do what I felt certain God asked me to do.

I couldn’t control the response of others in that situation, no matter what I tried to do.  I had to let it go that the women I guided chose not to go into depth with their Bible lesson and that I couldn’t make them have a desire to share.  When I let it go, striving to do what God gave me and trust Him to work in their hearts, amazing changes happened.  It wasn’t majorly different, but I could see glimpses of those truly seeking and wanting to share what they found. 

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.  Ephesians 3:20-21

In my study of Hebrews, I drew out that I am to point to Jesus.  That if someone doesn’t know Jesus personally, that is where I start, for without faith in Jesus and the Holy Spirit revelation, we can’t discuss further mysteries of God.

To start this year, my church did a sermon series on Acts.  We heard about what the young church did and laid out how we can follow Acts 1:8 for our life mission.  I also agreed to lead a small life this spring.  I really wanted to do another life group as well, but couldn’t since they were to same time.  God’s hand was there for I couldn’t do that life group, work part time and continue shepherding the women I do. 

It was mentioned at church that there’s plans to start another ministry service, this was set up to promo the other life group I wanted to take.  For some reason I didn’t give it much thought.

I tucked it away for later, which I'm doing with this post.