My mind always races it seems. I go from having the right attitude to a covetous one. Why am I always waiting for "it" to happen. Like what I have isn't "it", but what is surely going to happen will be "it". As if right now I'm not doing what I was made to do, but soon I will be when "it" happens. For I am incomplete now, then I will be closer to complete.
This "it" is short sided when I think it will happen this side of eternity. It won't. Ever. My soul longs for "it" to be here. For me to have that job that will give me identity and something to fill my time. That my body will heal and I will be able to do all that I want to do. That what I'm currently doing is just waiting with a purpose for those things to happen. Yet, this whole life is waiting with a purpose - to be made holy in the wait.
I want to be done with the thoughts of when will I have more on earth. To embrace where I am, for it is important and just where God has me - for there is so much peace in it. But peace is a choice. It is a choice I have to make. The only conflict rages within me when I allow the thoughts of when "it" happens to trap me in discontent.
I am done with conflict within. I do not want to hear it. I will replace those thoughts with thankfulness of life right now and the path my Father has me on. To pray for others I know need God's direction as well.