Waking up with a headache, sore muscles and already feeling behind is not a good way to start the day. The headache and sore muscles are from the workout that I kicked it up a notch. And a glass of water did wonders for the headache.
I also woke up with the big why weighing on my heart. Why did he do it? Why is he gone? He was loved. All of his brothers and sisters (including me) thought of him as our best friend - how can one person be best friends with all his sibling? How could he just leave this big void in our lives.
It's been 14 years since he left this world and sometimes, it feels like it happened today. I haven't had these thoughts in a while. A gal in my Bible group lost her brother right after Christmas and my path yesterday took me by his current earthly home.
Most times my thoughts are good when I think of my brother. Then sometimes I get a flood of sorrows. What he has missed - my daughter. He loved children and I know she would have amazed him. She sometimes reminds me of him with her thinking.
I changed that day 14 years ago. I changed deep within. I started taking steps back to God, for that I'm grateful. Now a smile for my face, joy in my heart. I'll put that why back on a shelf. I don't like looking at it to often. It can wait until I leave this earth or never - to be answered.
And to leave you with a joke he often told me to make me laugh -
A guy walks into Burger King and orders a Big Mac. (Did I mention I worked at Mickey Ds in high school?)