God's Kingdom Come

Bringing to light how I pursued my kingdom has revealed other areas I sought to glorify me.  It is hard, but I am thankful.  I lay down me so I can pursue God's Kingdom.  I won't do it perfectly, but God isn't calling me to perfect - not just yet.  He's calling me to trust and step out in faith.

If my hand is out wanting love, then I do not love.

God is teaching me to love fully.  He has poured His knowledge into me.  He has equipped me with understanding of His ways.  That dry spell I felt wasn't because I needed to know more or that someone needed to spiritually move me with their teachings, activities or ???  I'm at a point where learning shouldn't be the priority, it's learning to act out of love.  Practice to improve, to be in more situations where it may be hard to love, but love anyway. 

Love as the other person needs, not to expect anything in return. 

Love by walking with others, not condemning them and holding the bar high and expecting them to live up to it (I mainly do this with one person and am working hard to stop.)

Love by taking care of their needs, serving them. 

Removing me and my needs from the equation, for I trust God to provide. 

This is God's Kingdom - Love God, Love Others.

To live out the verse God has shown is my life verse:

and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
    and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
    and your night will become like the noonday.

Isaiah 58:10 [underline added]

My Kingdom Come

It was a simple dinner with friends.  The men watched football while the women sat around the table discussing up coming events in our lives.  Dinner served, game over, conversations continued.  It was pleasant.  Then BAM.

Out of no where.

I'm hit.

In the face.

With a nerf dart.

The mothers turn, ready to pounce on their son for doing such a thing.

All were shocked, me the most, that it wasn't a young foolish boy, but my husband.  What had possessed him to do such a thing.

I tried to process and remain calm.  I decided it was a great time to break for the bathroom.  I calmed myself.  I realized it wasn't so much about what he did - for he never had done something like that to me.  It was what it brought back to mind from my childhood.  This type of behavior and much worse happened to me at the hands of my brothers, cousins, step-fathers (yes, there an S at the end of that word) and basically any male in my life.

It was remembering that no one was taught how to treat others and especially no one taught the boys/men in my life how to treat a girl/woman.  I recalled my prayer through much of my childhood, back when I thought God was about sending wants up and He filled them.

Send someone to love me - only me.

After I committed my life to God, I began to understand that Jesus answered that prayer long ago.  But that didn't change my desire to find someone on earth to fill that request.  The desire diminished, but after this incident I received clarity as I cried for that lost girl so many years ago, how lonely she was, how unconnected she was to any love that may have been present.

In that little prayer, I wanted my kingdom to grow.  I wanted to assurance that I would be worshiped - for that was really what I desired.  Someone to love me and to demonstrate it loudly in a specific way so that I would always know, feel it.  Which, of course is not possible.  Especially for someone who didn't know how to love in return!

Although this wasn't the forefront of my motives anymore, I had never repented of this.   I can look at the years after committing to Jesus that I still tried to get my kingdom going.  Oddly enough, no one jumped on board.

Thank you Jesus for this revelation into my past.  Thank you for the ability to forgive my husband and laugh it off.  Thank you for showing me that I need to lay my kingdom down. 

Knowing Me Better

This past week has been focused on phones.  Something that should be simple, but just isn't.  We have dumb phones and love it.  However, we were lured into a pricing that would allow us to have smart phones, so we decided to jump head first.  We even found great prices on the newest fruit phone on the market.  Well, the guy who doesn't know the plans he sells didn't give us all the information and a long story short after several phone calls to our provider, those phones went back.

AND IT WAS A RELIEF. 

It wasn't how I wanted to spend my time, enduring phone call after phone call, reviewing my account online, explaining it all to the hubs.  However, through it all, I learned something about myself, for that I am thankful.

I'm ok with a smart phone, just not one quiet so indulgent - which is how I felt having it.  It was just something I simply did not need (I hate using the word 'need' here because I only NEED Jesus.)  I actually had anxiety for having something like that in my possession.  I gladly returned the phones and everything returned to how it was before.  Somewhat...

In God's timely way, he sent a blog post about how many parents have their noses in their phones, ignoring their children.  I took the warning, for I know I could easily get sucked into it myself.  I mean there's the app to update and keep all my lists in order.  Yes, I could see myself easily doing that.

On another front, I'm counseling my girl on making straight A's an idol.  That we can't hold onto something so tightly, because God will not allow us to have idols.  In one way or another He will take it (whatever we are clinging to more than trusting Him) away from us.

All this tied into my heart to take warning and to not seek out the latest and greatest in the phone department.  That getting a phone the will text (and not shut itself off!), make phone calls is the major focus, not how great it connects to the internet.  Because I really don't want it to be that great, because I don't want to use it for that purpose.  I have other devices to do that.  I don't want to be that devoted to my phone.

Grace Vs. Excuses

Time has settle my schedule and I find myself wanting to write.  To kick start this I wanted to repost this list from Living Well Spending Less

Grace vs. Excuses

• Grace says ‘mistakes aren’t fatal’; excuses use mistakes as a reason to quit.
• Grace realizes that progress is more important than perfection; excuses use perfection as a reason to procrastinate.
• Grace says ‘I am not my mess’; excuses let the mess define them.
• Grace understands the bigger picture; excuses fixate on the small details.
• Grace recognizes that people aren’t perfect and offers forgiveness; excuses use the failure as a reason to write someone off.
• Grace is big; excuses are small.
• Grace offers courage; excuses propagate fear.
• Grace brings hope; excuses make you feel hopeless.
• Grace gives you the ability to try again tomorrow; excuses allow you to give up.

How does this change your thinking? 

Future failure?

To follow up on the previous post, I wanted to share a concept I hadn't considered until I was asked.

What if your greatest failure is yet to happen?

This question isn't to cause you to live in fear, but to warn you, we could all falter at anytime.  If you study the Bible long, you'll see those who failed the greatest often thought they were doing the right thing.  Eve, Jacob, Saul, Judas, Saul/Paul, to name a few, all thought they knew best, some God redeemed, others He did not.

It's a warning to keep you on your knees, seeking God's grace to live for Him, to understand His Scripture that you are studying diligently.

When I look at my past, I couldn't imagine my greatest failure to be future, I've messed up so much.  But there's a chance, even greater if I become confident in myself, slack off in my pursuit of God and His word and lose the awe I have of Jesus.  This is where having fellow Christians that you live in community with are helpful to pull you back on track if they see you going astray. 

Take warning, love God, humble yourself before Him.

Back to where I failed

It's a scary thought - to go back to a place where I failed so greatly.  I knew it would probably happen and it did.  I will serve as a leader next year where I failed four years ago.  God has matured me greatly in the past four years, for that I am thankful.  Godly courage isn't the absence of fear, it is the willingness to trust God, obey Him in the face of fear.

In studying the Life of Moses, I got to look at how Moses too was called back to where He had failed.  He probably sensed God's calling for Him to lead the Israelites, but he went about it in the wrong way (murder.)  After the humbling experience of the desert, God calls Moses back to where he failed.  I learned that God focuses on our present faith and not our past failures.

In taking that to heart I know if I rely on God (which I should do!), there will be victory.  God is giving me a second chance.  He is a good God!

With that, God has shown me how those I lead before have grown closer to Him.  Perhaps it wasn't just me that failed that year and was motivated to seek God.

During that year, I saw CV come out of her shell and talk openly.

JM went on to leadership within two years and now works full time in ministry.

CC, as quiet as she is, is beginning leadership, stepping out of her comfort zone in a big way.

SK isn't so focused on self now that she's leading others.

I know the other ladies went on to continue in the Lord.  I'm not saying that I had a great influence in their lives, but I was a direct part of it for a year.  God took that failure and in His normal godly way, turned it into BEAUTY!

So if failure is looming over you, don't let it get you down.  Turn to God, return to Him and He will lift you up.  Look at the beauty of the Cross and the victory of the Risen Christ.  Once you get to the other side of a trial, you are at Victory!

What to do?

I have this compulsive side that likes to know.  I want to plan, I want to have it all aligned.  Of course, it is completely differently to what faith is about and trusting God**.  Just another example of me needing to lay my life down to follow God.  He calls His people to a land of the unknown (Abraham), He calls us to battle with few resources (Gideon) and uses us in ways we couldn't imagine (Mary, but just about everyone who ever loved God.)

In this God is working great things in me so I can die to self.  When I want to plan and make decisions on my own on how things should be, I am focused on self.  I don't take into account others, nor do I really consider God. 

In Bible study, I was reminded of a time when I used the following verse to remain focused on work, not on the pain of my foot (see this post.)

so I sent messengers to them with this reply: "I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?" Neh 6:3.

And of course it applied to what I was doing with my self-focused planning.  I was allowing it to be a distraction - which is what the men addressing Nehemiah wanted - to stop the Lord's work.  As I reviewed the verse again, placed it above my kitchen sink again, the awe of the verse spoke to me.  I challenged my planning and I called the distractions what they were - attempts to get me to stop working on the great project before me - God's Kingdom.

What is distracting you?  What is consuming your thoughts?  Fight with your husband?  Fantasies of the perfect life?  Food?  Weight?  The worldly storyline of your favorite show?  

**(And I know all planning isn't out of God's will or sin for God wants His people to be prespared - I'm saying my self-focused planning was!)

Time of Deficiency

In studying Leviticus 25, God instructs on the Sabbatical years, along with the year a Jubilee. 

^" I will send you such a blessing in the sixth year that the land will yield enough for three years." Lev 25:21

God promises to give an abundance.  But what if what God calls abundant is not what we call abundant?  This passage describes what God means, you will still have leftovers when you get to harvest your crops three years later.

It's all on faith.  Will it really last?  What if mold or rodents invade the store houses?  What if what God calls abundant isn't what I call abundant?  Sadly, the Israelites never practice this concept (as far as we have recorded.)

Scripture states that God gives and takes away.  His purpose is for us to rely on Him.  A deep reliance that is above our physical needs.  So a time of deficiencies of physical supply could be an abundance of Spiritual supply.  A time to grow faith, trust and to experience the kindness of God's people. 

One thing is clear - God gives us what we need - either blessing or discipline.  As Jesus did many times in His ministry - He didn't always answer the question asked, but He went straight to the heart. 

"What if" is worry - and Jesus directs in Matthew 6:34  "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

 

Who's in Control?

God revealed something in me that I was surprised by...well I shouldn't be but was. 

I dreaded having to spend time with the people - not just any people, but a certain set of people, who they are isn't important.  On this particular week I was scheduled to spend potentially three days with the people.  That naturally lead me to a big debate could I endure three settings?  Could I do so with a good attitude...I didn't think I could.  And if I couldn't do it with a good attitude, wouldn't I hurt my witness to Jesus?  So not to damage His reputation, I was better off NOT going the "elected" day - which happened to be the middle day of the visits.

Then I began reading my the next book on my list:  When People Are Big and God Is Small by Ed Welch.  This quote made me look at the circumstances in a new light - Thank you God for setting my heart up to hear the message.

"Do you avoid people?  If so, even though you might not say that you need people, you are still controlled by them.  Isn't a hermit dominated by the fear of man?"

God labeled my temptation not to go as avoidance and said that I'm controlled by them.  It was hard for me to wrap my head around at first.

What I wanted to avoid more wasn't the people, it was the ugliness that came out of me while around them.  I would be easily frustrated, lacked compassion, became was self-centered.  I scratched out became because all this ugliness lurked within my heart.  It's as if I checked the Holy Spirit at the door around the people and allowed my sinful nature to take over.  Yea, that sinful nature that is dead and whose habits I want gone from my life.  I was indulging it every time.

Thank you Papa for answered prayer.  Thank you for revealing what was really happening around the people, that it isn't their fault (oh how my dead sinful nature loves to blame others!)  Now that You've shown me, I can offer it up as a sacrifice.  It's no longer OK for me to avoid my ugliness by avoiding the people.  I submit to the Holy Spirit's leading.  I want and desire to follow.  You give me the strength to follow.  Thank you as well that You've already proven it true, You already helped me have a better attitude, one of love.

Whole Heart Search - Jer 29:13

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jer. 29:13

It was verse 11 that I was instructed to look at, but I couldn't help but to read on since verse 11 was so encouraging.

This verse struck to the middle of my heart.  I will find God when I seek with my whole heart.  What does that mean?  God is teaching me.  He's shown me other verses that speak on the same thing.  God wants us to find Him.  He enables us to do so. 

So I go boldly into this journey to find out what it means to seek God wholeheartedly.  To surrender all of me.  To study what is happening when God says "Come, follow Me," and the many ways in which He does:
Delight yourself in the Lord, Diligently seek Me, Allow me to learn from You are just some of the ways.

The journey is moving along - it will have no end until I'm basking in the glow of the Glory of Jesus.

God planned to prosper the Israelites.  After the 70 years of exile, God planned to return His people to the land He gave their forefathers.  The Israelites were His chosen people, a priesthood that would be a shining light unto the world (Ex 19:3-6.)  They didn't keep God's covenant, nor did they observe the Sabbath rest.  The seventy years of exile were the Sabbath rest that the Israelites did not observe. 

We see God's plan for the Isralites was just a shadow of things to come.  The Israelites went their own way, they did not rely on God's grace to keep His commandments.  Now, as a follower of Christ, I am woven into His church, a member of His Royal Priesthood (1 Peter 2,) by God's mercy - not by my own doing.  All because He choose me to seek Him.  What a wonderful gift it is. 

Being Undone - luxury

If you're like much of the mid-west, you're currently under a freeze.  Schools cancelled or delayed.  I am tucked in my warm house, a fire in the fireplace, warm breakfast in my tummy and a hot cup of tea in my hand.

Then I peruse the morning news with at statement like this on a local shelter:

"There is also an elevator that will allow those who use wheelchairs to have access to the sleeping quarters upstairs. In the past, those men would have to sleep in their wheelchairs. Craig Liparoto is one of them.
“It’s great! A luxury,” he said. “I’m grateful.”

This man thinks it is a luxury to have a bed.  M-W.com defines luxury as:

: a condition or situation of great comfort, ease, and wealth
: something that is expensive and not necessary

: something that is helpful or welcome and that is not usually or always available

 

A warm place to sleep is "not necessary, not always available."  I don't know how this man got to where he is, it doesn't matter to me.  For God has called me to spend myself on behalf of the oppressed.  As tears fall for a man I don't know, for the ones I was blessed to know, my heart breaks for what breaks God's heart.  I go confidently unto the next step.  

2015 Plans

Well I did it again.  Over and over I have in my mind I won't do it, but I do.  How I so get Paul in Romans 7.  It wasn't just because it's New Years, I also have completed all the requirements for certification of biblical counseling (Woohoo!)

So what a perfect time to make some changes - form new habits.  I instruct in counseling the need to put off old habits of our dead sinful nature and put on new habits that reflect our alive status in Christ (Christ alive in our place.)  So I went out and found something call a powersheet.  I planned it, I would choose three components to work on each month...Spirit, health and home.  I would work at these three things for three weeks to form the habit and then spend the last week of the month praying for the next month habits.

Verses for the year are for Spirit, health and home:

• Roman 12:1-2 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship.  Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then your will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.
• Titus 2:12 It [grace of God] teaches us to say "no" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and live self-controlled, upright godly lives in this present age.
• Proverb 31:27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Of course through the process of changing me for God, my thoughts went to changing me for me.  I had to once more repent of that and seek God's forgiveness.  I returned to Him to seek His guidance.

The more I thought about the process, the more I thought about what I was going to "do" that the Spirit revealed I was once more going wrong.  It isn't about what I DO.  If I make it about what I do, I am pursuing self-righteousness.

In comes John 3:30 "He must become greater; I must become less."  Yes, it isn't about me changing, putting off old habits of my dead sinful nature by putting on new godly habits.  It's all about me decreasing and Christ increasing.  It's about me seeking God, learning from my Papa, seeking Him, just as Jesus did while He walked the earth.  Jesus didn't seek His own will, but the Father's (Mat 26.)  It's only when I'm part of the Vine that I can bear fruit (John 15.) 

Still further, I am to learn to walk by the Spirit everyday, every minute in all circumstances (Gal 5:16.)  It's not about working on specific habits.  That so limits what I do.  I want to learn to walk by the Spirit so well that doing whatever pops into my head is replaced with purposeful, intentional actions.

I can tell you that I've been assaulted majorly by my fleshly desires.  Last night, to unwind I sat down at the computer.  Before I even click the link to pinterest, I thought "this isn't the best way to unwind."  Yet I clicked anyway.  I could have used that time to stretch, read a chapter in a book, something, anything that would have drawn me closer to my Papa.  

Pinterest isn't bad in itself, but I didn't have anything particular to look for, I didn't have purpose in the action.  It fell into the category of idleness or emptiness that I've posted on before.  This is that type of old habits I'd like to get away from.  If I ignore the Spirit's direction to not click, how am I learning to listen to Him?  

Powersheet will be put down.  I have one simple quest:

I hope to write devos that will help me stay on track and explore what God's Word says on the Pursuit.

Finished

With a deep breath I can say I have finished - the paperwork still needs done and I have at least one more meeting, but the work on my part is finished.

I wrestled with putting off the final meeting.  It's Christmas break, I should be able to take off.  Yet, while I stood worshiping in church, I knew I had to try and get it in.  As soon as I got home I emailed, asking for a meeting, not giving a option out (I had originally planned to do this.)  I had to get home since I do not have one of the smart contraptions.

Six hours later I got a yes reply to the meeting.  They could have said no and I would have been fine, since it's in God's hands.  God instructed me to reach out, wait patiently and then finish what I started.

This doesn't mean I'm done:

• Gaining wisdom - I have so much to learn, but now I'm on my own schedule.  I get to choose (listening to Holy Spirit) what and when and pray for the dedication to get it done.
• Meeting with others - I will continue to finish the cases I'm on and see what God has in store for me.

I'm excited for the next phase.  Excited to look back and praise God for what He has brought me through since March 2012.  He has poured so much into me.  It took two years and four months to finish (taking summers off.)  I would encourage everyone to become a Biblical Counselor.  It could easily be done while working as it is done less than part time.  Classes were only one evening a week, very little homework, a lot of reading (this is what summers are for), and growth in ways you  never imagined.  There are training centers that have weekend get-aways classes, but I think it would be too much information crammed into a little bit of time.  I need the slow drip method!

Below is the beautiful card and loving words from my husbands upon completion.

Not about Me

Transition is hard and I feel like I've been in it for years.  Always wondering what is next?  Should I get a paying job?  Continue to volunteer?  Redecorate the house?  Learn Spanish?  You know the list of possibilities never ending.

I'm near the end of the certification to be a biblical counselor.  It's been a fantastic journey - however I've been ready for what's next for about half that time.  It got so bad that I had to intentionally refuse to think about it - which is hard for the planner in me.  God taught me to be patient, wait on His timing.  He knows me well, that if I know what's next, I'll skip what's today and jump to tomorrow.

My thoughts settled on taking time to work on me yesterday.  Yeah, time to work walking by the Spirit, my health, my home.  A time to do all those things I put on hold while I worked on the certification process. 

Then the brakes were hit with that thought process.  I remembered a conversation in counseling that urged the gal to pray as we've discussed.  She rarely prays.  Scripture says to pray continually (1 Thes 5.)  All believers need to have a vibrant prayer life - daily connecting with God, resetting our thinking, focusing on things above - eternal things.

Yet - my own prayer life is so-so.  I go through spells where I allow the day to get in the way of my sweet time with my Papa.  How could I focus on ME while not help others?  I cannot withdraw, as my thoughts carried me, from the world to work on me.  It just doesn't work that way.  How did the apostles live?  They spent time with Jesus learning then went out and helped others.  How did Paul live?  He spent time learning from Scripture/Holy Spirit (Gal 1) while growing his ministry.  Finally, he carried out the great ministry God planned for him.

All through Scriptures, those most dedicated to God were dedicated to others.

Merry Christmas - focus on the One who is the Way!

Crazy Schedule

Happy Thanksgiving! 

I thought I had time to write, but as soon as I devoted a few hours to doing so my schedule blew up.  When I can, I will, but December looks a little crazy as of right now. 

Remember God's love,
Remember You've been here before and survived,
Remember He will give you a way out,
Remember for faith to grow you sometimes go through trials,
Remember you have a Sovereign God who already knows the ending,
Remember EVERY knee will bow and EVERY tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.

Bloom Where You Are

I love the saying "Bloom right where you are planted."

I think this hardy fall mum screams the truth in this.  God has given us all we need to face any and all trials this world has.  Trust in that He has equipped you to bloom, thrive, right where you are.  It may not look like it on the outside, but faith, trust, love can grow within for the Lord.

We can live out what James wrote, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,"  If you read on, it is because we know through trials we gain godly wisdom and that is our faith in action to mature us.  We can love Christ all the more for what He endured on our behalf.


So yes we can and will bloom where we're planted for our God will do it as we pursue Him.

My Schedule is Ruined!!

I set guards around calculating when I would be done with the last phase of counseling certification.  Knowing myself, I knew I would become focused on the end, not the journey and knew the disappointment, frustration and all that other stuff that would come when it didn't just happen.

Guess what?  It happened anyway.  I am down to the last part of my hours and calculated when I would possible be finished...and it wasn't the date in which I hoped for.  It wasn't the timing I wanted.  And all those emotions/distraction moved into my heart and sat there.

I prayed over it.  I asked for God's will, hoping that somehow my schedule would be His schedule.  The reasons I wanted to finish were clear - so I could move on to other things.  My attitude began to sour when a session was cancelled. 

I immediately moved to thanking God for the occasion rather than entertaining the pity party that wanted to avail itself.

Whenever the sour thoughts come, I praise God, declaring I trust Him, His timing purpose.

Then it hit me:  God is giving me the time now!  I don't have to wait until the end to do some things.  I can do them now - if I stop allowing empty activities to take away my time.

God is good to me (Psalm 13.)

Asking Forgiveness

Today I had to ask forgiveness.  I knew it was the right thing to do as I approached the gal I had offended, my heart nearly thumped out of my chest. 

My words were not gentle - the Bible clearly says to speak gently, especially when trying to restore a brother (in this case sister) to the Lord.  I hadn't organized my thoughts (meaning write them down) and they all came rushing out.  Rushed speech from me usually sounds harsh.

Seeking forgiveness is a quick way to change, at least for me.  I don't enjoy the process, the convictions, the waiting to go to the person. I am thankful for it - as it indicates God is working within me.

I used to ignore the need to ask forgiveness.  I would be extra kind to the person to "make up" for how I treated them in the past.  I might apologize - which only points to how sorry I am for knowing I was trespassing on the other, but did it anyway.  It isn't repenting, in hopes to not sin in that way again. 

Points of forgiveness:

• Ask forgiveness - from the other person and from God.
• Admit guilt of sin and state sin.
• Put yourself at the mercy of the other person - a humble position.
• Seek to restore the relationship - with others and God.

Once forgiveness is granted, don't allow guilt to hang on - there is no condemnation in Christ.  Lingering guilt dishonors God.  If the other person evokes guilt to try to manipulate you - they are in the wrong - both that their forgiveness wasn't genuine and they are attempting to make you to use works for their self serving desires. 

Seeking forgiveness doesn't mean there's no acts to do.  It doesn't mean the consequences of my sin is absolved.  Some sins have lifelong consequences that just don't go away.  But in all - God will redeem.

Totally Off Day

It turned into one of those days.  It began with the dentist, giving into a craving for fast food.  Then exhaustion kicked in between the two. 

Then the thoughts began to creep in.  You haven't wrote your report.  You haven't prepared for you next session.  You haven't read your notes.  You haven't finished the living room.  Your husband is off working and what are you doing? 

You aren't going to finish when you wanted at the rate you are going.  Reliability is when you do what you say you will and to completion.  Have you really changed?  Aren't you just the same person you've always been and never wanted to be?

I had to call these thoughts what they were - stinkin' thinkin'.  I am wasting time allowing these thoughts to claim me.  I'm missing the time to praise God and have a grateful attitude for the changes that have happened. 

Do old habit show up (like poor eating) - yes.  Do I have to allow it dominate again?  No.  Instead of condemning myself as hopeless, I can turn my thoughts to the hope I have, call out the sufficient grace that is available to me.  Take hold and refuse to let go until I receive a blessing.

"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things."  Philippians 4:8 (wrote by memory - take that stinkin' thinkin'!)

Which Way Is Right?

I missed my turn.  I was driving to Bible Study and after a month of driving to this location I missed my turn.  I suppose I was lost in thought.  Ok, I would just turn at the next street.  Then I arrived at the street in which I normally turn, but now I would do so much back tracking, surely it would be better to continue down this street - it is bound to arrive in the same place.  Yet, I was in a subdivision from the 70/80.  You know the ones without a straight road to be found.  I was curving and turning, but I got to the other side.  Sitting at the stop sign on County Line Rd. I had a choice to go left or right.  I couldn't see any landmarks to help my decision.  My internal sense said to turn left.  So I took a deep breath and turned right.  In a quarter mile I was on the road I needed (and had to back track the same amount if I had taken the turn earlier.)

It made me think that so many times in my life I think I'm making the right decision.  My sinful nature that died when I accepted Christ still has lingering habits of sin.  That "natural" tendency is opposite of the supernatural Christ in me. 

My choices can often be self serving and for my kingdom.  Sometimes when my heart resists something - I purposely do it for I know it is the right thing to do. 

Times I've been aware of this:

Desire to not do the dishes - allowing the lazy person in me to put it off.
Desire to hang onto our money and not give the offering - trusting money rather than God's provision.
Desire to stay home - allowing self focused time trump fellowship with others.
Desire to eat that sugar laden treat, which will cause headaches, sugar surge and further cravings in addition to bloating.
Desire to take the easy way - when God has a lot to teach in the journey.

So to purposely choose what I know is right, but is against my flesh is hard.  I was reminded of 2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

May I allow God's grace to help me.