3 Attacks

I'm attacked mainly in three ways.  When I'm doing well on one regard, one of the others come up.  I'm learning it's a form of condemnation in which I am free from in Christ.  Seeing the pattern will go a long way with stopping the affect it has in me.

The first is food.  Am I eating to much?  Should I have eaten that?  Look at all the food I can't have?  Look at all the food I did have?  Oh, it goes on and on.  The attacks are relentless until I stand firm.

The second is work.  When will I get a job outside my home making money?  Will I get the job I applied for?  How will it work for me to work full time?  What will we do with the extra cash?  Vacation?  Buy more things?  Save?  Pay off the mortgage?  If I have applied for a job, my mind goes on and on to what it will be like to do the job and work with the people.

The third is others.  Did they just reject me?  Make fun of me?  Want me to go away?  (Yes, during my depressed years I was quite the paranoid as well.)  Did I speak out of turn?  Was it appropriate when I shared my story?  Did I offend?  Why did they just treat me that way?

As you can see, all this takes me mind off God.  All this interferes with any progress because I'm not trusting God.  Trust God to build and be part of the relationships, to guide me on what to eat and to direct me to where He wants me - either in the work force or in my home or even in His service for no money!!!

I want to be free from these thoughts.  Free from stagnation they create in me.  But how?  Be aware of what I'm thinking.  If any of these thoughts come to mind, I can shift my mind to God.  Pray for the person I'm spoke with.

Just this past week I had an opportunity to do this.  I asked after a friend's father who had health issues.  The response to the question was a grunt (yes this was a man) and no answer.  We were at church and we were separated, so no time to press further.  I shelved all thoughts that this reaction was towards me - as in he didn't want to speak to me.  Later that week, I found out (from him sharing further) that it was about his father.  He had a complaint with his father and hadn't dealt with it on Sunday, but by Thursday he had.

My point in all this is IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!  It's all about God.  My prayer for this man had resolution.  He needed.  (And I didn't need to say I'm praying for you.  Sometimes I think this hurt the situation more.)

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.  Philippians 4:8

 

A Time to prune

It’s that time of year again.  This year we’ve planted a larger garden (12 x 5 area, so not that big).  We have annuals coming up from seed.  I go out to prune, to thin the seedlings so that the others will grow into full plants.

My husband struggles with this process.  "Don't pull out, they will do it themselves."  I remember my first garden.  I know the package of seeds said to prune to four inches, but that was so many plants.  What if I made the wrong choice and the ones left behind died, my garden would be ruined.  And who was this name brand seed company, did they really know that I needed to prune?  So I pulled a few out, but left a lot.

And any seasoned gardener would know what happened next, my garden was a complete failure.  Nothing grew, there wasn’t room.

I think the same when God from time to time prunes something in my life.  I may miss it at first, but after a while, I realize I’m growing in other areas.  We need to be pruned.  I’m pruned and thinned to be more like Christ.  I can mature further without as much or none of what was removed.

The recent example in watching TV at night.  I had formed the habit that any night I was home after 7, I watched TV.  In itself it is ok, but we’re are home more in the summer.  We don’t need to sit for the last several hours of our day watching TV.  There’s books to read.  There’s a yard to enjoy.  There’s my girl’s imagination to see in action.  There’s general conversation to catch up when we didn’t have many evenings alone. 

So instead of reaching for the remote, I look at what is going on.  For my girl won’t always ask for TV on, but when it comes on it commands her attention.  Then I turn to what else I could do with this precious time that would honor God.  It is a change in my thoughts, my habits, but totally worth it. 

Lack of Prayer

My heart ached.  I have planned to go to camp with my daughter for the third year in a row.  I had organized my role to allow for my limits with my leg.  I had prepped myself for the less than comfortable bed, less sleep and squealing girls.  It would have been a blast!

The schedule didn’t work for enough kids to go.  Camp – CANCELLED.  Oh, the fun – gone.  Then it hit me, I had prepped so much to go that I didn’t pray to it to happen, didn’t pray for the children who would attend and the seeds that would be planted in their hearts.  I didn’t pray for the leaders, the organizers – any of it.  I just expected it would happen!

That hit me like a ton of bricks.  What else am I just expecting to happen?  What else am I not laying in Father’s hands?  What am I taking for granted?

Perform

Is my identity grounded in my performance or in Christ?  One of my books posed this question.
Oh, how this world says performance, performance, performance!  Identity in what job I have (oh, why hasn't God called me back to the workforce).  Identity in who I serve - the inflation of pride for their glorifying remarks (perhaps that's why I didn't get ask to serve much in the years gone by).  Thankfully I can see this is something God has worked (is working) in me for many years. 

When I was looking to be plugged in, God gently reminded me that He already plugged me in right where He wants me.  Why would I ever look elsewhere, especially of things of this world?  Why give into the identity of this world.

Sometimes I long to plug in to the world, to find my identity there, yet only in Christ do I have me - covered by His robe of righteousness.

Rejoice in that.  Be in awed by that.

 

Summer Life

I'm here!  I've taken the time to write, just not post.  God has spoken to me on so many levels.  My girl is busy doing Lacrosse.  That meant getting up early everyday for the past two weeks.  Totally worth it.

The summer bible study is a huge success.  Ok, so I only have two under my belt, but I know God is doing major things if only allowing my patience to grow.  In all, it is just wonderful.  One of my past excuses for not doing it was that the children wouldn't be able to come during the day.  What a lie that was!  I had offered to pick up and drop of (limited to my car space), but that hasn't been an issue.  I can not praise God enough!

I'm also making great headway (that's a positive spin) on the reading I need to do for discipleship training.  I don't think of all I have to do.  I'm trusting God to work out all that needs done.  My family is awesome in allowing me to work.  And those hours while my girl was at camp afforded a lot of time to read.

Although we're busy, I've also made it priority to enjoy our summer.  We have so much to be thankful for.

Next weeks big agenda is cleaning the piles in my girls room.  I pray God will help her let go of some of her things.

Just Where God has Me

My mind always races it seems.  I go from having the right attitude to a covetous one.  Why am I always waiting for "it" to happen.  Like what I have isn't "it", but what is surely going to happen will be "it".  As if right now I'm not doing what I was made to do, but soon I will be when "it" happens.  For I am incomplete now, then I will be closer to complete.

This "it" is short sided when I think it will happen this side of eternity.  It won't.  Ever.  My soul longs for "it" to be here.  For me to have that job that will give me identity and something to fill my time.  That my body will heal and I will be able to do all that I want to do.  That what I'm currently doing is just waiting with a purpose for those things to happen.  Yet, this whole life is waiting with a purpose - to be made holy in the wait.

I want to be done with the thoughts of when will I have more on earth.  To embrace where I am, for it is important and just where God has me - for there is so much peace in it.  But peace is a choice.  It is a choice I have to make.  The only conflict rages within me when I allow the thoughts of when "it" happens to trap me in discontent.  

I am done with conflict within.  I do not want to hear it.  I will replace those thoughts with thankfulness of life right now and the path my Father has me on.  To pray for others I know need God's direction as well. 

3 things...

I love about summer -
1.  My girl is with me everyday.  Love having a full time dose of her imagination which seems to be in overcharge this summer.

2.  Taking a daily walk in my garden to see what has changed.  I'm blessed to be able to see God working right here in my own little Paradise.

3.  My kitty's haircut.  Kabingo gets shaved several times over the summer months.  He enjoys the coolness of a fresh cut based on how much he runs all over the house.  The longer his hair the more he sleeps.