I dealt with my mixed emotions over her return. Part of me was thinking about my schedule and all the projects around the house I could accomplish. Guilt came on me...in a subtle way that I didn't know what it was. I'm looking forward to my girl going away from me large portions of the day...what kind of Mama am I?
I had to put the brakes on with those thought. I knew then it was guilt. I have nothing to be guilty about. One: I did all I could to put a hold on projects so I had extra time with my girl over summer. Two: I would miss her dearly. We have thought and prayed about home school, but do not think it is right for us at this time. Three: If she was with me all the time, those projects would still need to be done and I would have to do them (perhaps with her help.) So the fact that I look forward to getting things done isn't a bad thing.
I rejoice that she's in an environment that is loving. I trust the teachers at her school. She goes to a nice country schools where the class size is still under 25 per class. I make an effort to get my work done while she's at school so my evenings can be free.
So today I say no thank you to any additional mama guilt. I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be. I lose my temper, I become short when I'm focused on other things, I ask for forgiveness and work hard to keep our relationship strong. I will only listen to real guilt that comes from God that spurs me to seek forgiveness. He's the standard, not what my head decides.
