Grace in Trials

Temptation is to expected.  Each day I have a plan, but part of that plan should include what to do when temptation comes my way.  Ask for grace, listen and seek the way out.

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.  1 Corinthians 10:13

It's so easy to think that I'm insulated and will not be tempted. How foolish.  Jesus didn't say IF, He said WILL!

 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33


The following is an excerpt from Valley of Vision.  The prayer sums up the cry of my heart and the acknowledgement of my limitations, my propensity to sin, my weakness in battle, my desire to rely on self but need to rely on the Holy Spirit:


Father of Mercies,  
Hear me for Jesus' sake. 
I am sinful even in my closest walk with thee; it is of Thy mercy I died not long ago; 
Thy grace has given me faith in the cross by which Thou hast reconciled Thyself to me and me to Thee, 
drawing me by Thy great love, reckoning me as innocent in Christ though guilty in myself.  
Giver of all graces, 
I look to thee for strength to maintain them in me, for it is hard to practise what I believe.  
Strengthen me against temptation.  
My heart is an unexhausted fountain of sin, a river of corruption since childhood days, flowing in every pattern of behaviour, 
Thou has disarmed me the means in which I trusted and I have no strength but in thee.  
Thou alone canst hold back my evil ways, but without Thy grace to sustain me I fall.  
Satan's darts quickly inflame me, and the shield that should quench them easily drops from my hand: Empower me again his wiles and assaults.  
Keep me sensible of my weakness, and of my dependance upon Thy strength. 
Let every trail teach me more of Thy peace, more of Thy love.  
Thy Holy Spirit is given to increase Thy graces, and I cannot preserve or improve them unless He works continually in me.  
May He confirm my trust in Thy promised help, and let me walk humbly in dependence upon Thee, 
for Jesus' sake.

3 Attacks

I'm attacked mainly in three ways.  When I'm doing well on one regard, one of the others come up.  I'm learning it's a form of condemnation in which I am free from in Christ.  Seeing the pattern will go a long way with stopping the affect it has in me.

The first is food.  Am I eating to much?  Should I have eaten that?  Look at all the food I can't have?  Look at all the food I did have?  Oh, it goes on and on.  The attacks are relentless until I stand firm.

The second is work.  When will I get a job outside my home making money?  Will I get the job I applied for?  How will it work for me to work full time?  What will we do with the extra cash?  Vacation?  Buy more things?  Save?  Pay off the mortgage?  If I have applied for a job, my mind goes on and on to what it will be like to do the job and work with the people.

The third is others.  Did they just reject me?  Make fun of me?  Want me to go away?  (Yes, during my depressed years I was quite the paranoid as well.)  Did I speak out of turn?  Was it appropriate when I shared my story?  Did I offend?  Why did they just treat me that way?

As you can see, all this takes me mind off God.  All this interferes with any progress because I'm not trusting God.  Trust God to build and be part of the relationships, to guide me on what to eat and to direct me to where He wants me - either in the work force or in my home or even in His service for no money!!!

I want to be free from these thoughts.  Free from stagnation they create in me.  But how?  Be aware of what I'm thinking.  If any of these thoughts come to mind, I can shift my mind to God.  Pray for the person I'm spoke with.

Just this past week I had an opportunity to do this.  I asked after a friend's father who had health issues.  The response to the question was a grunt (yes this was a man) and no answer.  We were at church and we were separated, so no time to press further.  I shelved all thoughts that this reaction was towards me - as in he didn't want to speak to me.  Later that week, I found out (from him sharing further) that it was about his father.  He had a complaint with his father and hadn't dealt with it on Sunday, but by Thursday he had.

My point in all this is IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!  It's all about God.  My prayer for this man had resolution.  He needed.  (And I didn't need to say I'm praying for you.  Sometimes I think this hurt the situation more.)

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.  Philippians 4:8

 

Lack of Prayer

My heart ached.  I have planned to go to camp with my daughter for the third year in a row.  I had organized my role to allow for my limits with my leg.  I had prepped myself for the less than comfortable bed, less sleep and squealing girls.  It would have been a blast!

The schedule didn’t work for enough kids to go.  Camp – CANCELLED.  Oh, the fun – gone.  Then it hit me, I had prepped so much to go that I didn’t pray to it to happen, didn’t pray for the children who would attend and the seeds that would be planted in their hearts.  I didn’t pray for the leaders, the organizers – any of it.  I just expected it would happen!

That hit me like a ton of bricks.  What else am I just expecting to happen?  What else am I not laying in Father’s hands?  What am I taking for granted?

He is My Portion

...your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  Matthew 6:32b

To start with here's a small seed in my heart for a desire to work overseas in missions. We are having some work done on our house. It has led me to review my attachment to this house - how much money we've invested to make it our home.  How much the market value is.

How would it work out to be on a long term mission? Of course I shelved that question for when God calls us. I couldn't deny my attachment to my home and how difficult selling this place would be emotionally. This is the 2nd time God has worked this in my heart this year. 

I can see I am like the Pharisees, who valued things/position over people, if I allow my attachment to my home to get in the way of reaching the lost. For reaching the lost causes rejoicing in Heaven. 

That was the first revelation.  Then the next day He asked through a lecture: Do you allow God to direct where you live?  What?  To allow God to direct my home, be it in Indiana or New Guinea? 

He showed me the ugly greed in my heart.  I was concerned about the money, the investment, the upkeep.  Would we get the money back?  Oh, how ugly greed is.  It's been there for a while, I just didn't recognize it.

I have repented. I have submitted. Lord, You gave it to me. I will follow Your leading on all I have - either for me to keep or to give away.  For what we put into this home is for us to enjoy now and perhaps when it is Your timing - will bless others.  Amen.

As a final thought, how easy it is to gloss over greed when I considering a minor thing like a flag.  Oh, how my heart changes when we speak of thousands of dollars.  I am so thankful this was revealed to me, as an answered prayer for God to reveal any corruption in my heart.  It is truly a blessing to let go of all things and be content with the portion God is.  Content, not attached.

Search me, O God

Search me, O God, and know my heart today,
Try me, O Savior, know my thoughts, I pray;
See if there be some wicked way in me;
Cleanse me from every sin, and set me free.

I praise Thee, Lord, for cleansing me from sin;
Fulfill Thy word and make me pure within;
Fill me with fire, where once I burned with shame;
Grant my desire to magnify Thy name.

Lord, take my life, and make it wholly Thine;
Fill my poor heart with Thy great love divine;
Take all my will, my passion, self and pride;
I now surrender, Lord, in me abide.

O Holy Ghost, revival comes from Thee;
Send a revival, start the work in me;
Thy Word declares Thou wilt supply our need;
For blessings now, O Lord, I humbly plead.

Journey to Jesus Part 2

I then had an opportunity to go to Anne Graham Lotz's Just Give Me Jesus conference the same day as the  study (mentioned Part 1) - God ordained!  I knew most of the material she would cover already because of my past leadership positions.  However, I had a friend who needed to hear and learn.  Of course I was looking  nuggets of gold for my walk.  I wasn't left out.  The first night she walked us through the last days of our Lord Jesus on the earth.  With Easter not long ago, it was all still fresh in my heart and her story made it come to life.

I loved how she talked about Mary clinging to Jesus after she realized it was He outside the tomb.  Perhaps digging her nails in, trying to keep Him close.

So I had these visions of one Mary sitting at the feet of Jesus and another Mary clinging to Him.  When the conference was over, I felt the most convicted during the prayer time.  I didn't do all the things the speaker suggested when I prayed.  I was certain that the missing piece was prayer.  I had been circling that for months.  I asked God to reveal to me how I could improve my prayer time.  I decided to set my phone alarm to go off at 1 p.m. each day I was available so I could stop and prayer.  It was my first step toward improving my prayer time.

That went well for the most part - forming a new habit isn't always easy.  I made strides.  Yet it seemed something was still off.  Then in a week or so I went to a Mandisa concert (birthday gift).   I can't remember specifically what was said.  What I did know was it wasn't prayer that was missing, for I prayed all the time.  I prayed waking up and through out the day.  I have more of a rolling dialog with God.  I didn't need a formal time to improve my prayer life.

So if not prayer, what?  Praise time.  Time, just as the Marys above, to be in the presence of the Holy One and thank Him for all the abundance in my life.  To turn off the TV, the radio (unless I want to sing), turn away from the computer and just praise my Great and Awesome God.  It a time for just me and Him.  Not really for prayer requests.  Not really for Bible study, although both can be part of it.  It is to unplug from the world and plug in to Him.  

Life Principle: In the quietness of my heart - learn to love Him on a whole new level, to reset my focus from distractions to His majesty.

Answered Prayer

It was an underlying story line in a recent TV movie.  It was like three sentences in the whole movie.  It was not the main point by far.  Yet, when I'm listening for God to speak, I'm listening to everything.  God has directed me through many people, many words that, in context, would not apply.  However, listen, God speaks.

For me it spoke of tight hips, um yes, that is part of my physical problem.  The movie alluded to a solution (again, minor fraction for the movie), but didn't come right out to say it.  I knew from my extensive exercise knowledge what it meant.  I prayed about it and found my library had a DVD.  I asked God if this was from Him... I didn't get back any negatives, so I proceeded to check out the DVD, trusting it wouldn't take long for me to figure it out.

I watched the DVD through.  Not bad.  It struck me that the instructor used these perfectly tall, beautiful dancers to execute the moves.  She (the instructor) on the other hand was an apple shape. Then the question arises in my heart?  Do I want to do an exercise program that the instructor looks like that?  I continue to watch the video.  In an interview with the instructor, they show her demonstrating some of the moves.  She is strong.  Overall, I thought I could do the workout, not because it looked easy, but it was slow and focused on building core muscle.


Then the past me kicked in: measure so I can KNOW how much I lose.  Monitor it, I have to if I want this great testimony, right?  Again, I wondered about the woman's body.  Then it hit me, my focus was on the wrong thing, again.  So thankful that God has patience with me!  Measurements are linked to vanity for me.  I wanted numbers to show that I improved.  I couldn't just rely on how I felt and the way my clothing fit, could I?

Yes, I changed my focus.  My body shape and size left.  If I can be as strong as the instructor was at 80, yes that's right, 80, then I don't care how I'm shaped, how much I weigh.  I want to the strength.  I know that strength has many great purposes for serving God.

For now, that's all I'll share.  I'll save my journey of doing the program for later, when I have a better testimony.  It's a major break through to get my mind aligned with God about my body.

Soldier Up

³ Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. ⁴ No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs—he wants to please his commanding officer. 2 Timothy 2:3-4
I never been a soldier in the armed forces.  I know several who have and pray for those who are serving now.  When this verse came up in my daily devo, I had to pause and do further study.  I also needed to write.

Endure hardship like a good soldier.  A soldier is focused on their job.  They know their life and the lives of their fellow soldiers depend on it.  Their thoughts are consumed with what they need to do for their commanding officer.  Being a soldier isn’t always their first choice of service in life.  They usually have dreams and desires they gave up to be the soldier.  Or have plans when the service is done.

Being called into service for my commanding officer, Jesus, is a never ending post.  Towards the beginning of December last year, I struggled a lot with the things I needed to do to fulfill the duties of a soldier and the things I wanted to do as a civilian.  Fortunately, the soldier duties won out most of the time. 

As I struggled and prayed.  I knew full well my civilian desires were very selfish.  I had asked to be submerged in God’s word, yet bulked the idea when it interfered in my planned down time.  I did what I needed to do, however my attitude wasn’t the best at times.  I was a soldier getting involved in civilian affairs.  In another version it says ‘gets entangled’.  This gave me a vision of stepping in thick mud, heavy snow or a spider’s web.  It makes the going rough. 

It helped me to grasp and cling to God’s view.  I wanted my way, not God’s way.  I humbled myself to give up what I wanted/planned.  I had developed an ideal of how I thought things should go – a healthy body to go on missions trips.  A ease in counseling training so that I could counsel women.  An opportunity to read the books I wanted to read.  A time to watch movies and work on projects I deemed important.  A clean and organized home. 

Ok, that last one does fall into what God has planned, yet not in a way that it becomes a idol or a time in which I make it a higher priority to the people God has called me to love.

I need to free my feet of entanglements to fully step into being the soldier He has called me to be; to bring Him glory and to please Him.  Fortunately, He doesn’t treat me roughly, but will help me give up me and fight in Him.

Spirit prayer

So what shall I do? I will pray with my spirit, but I will also pray with my understanding; I will sing with my spirit, but I will also sing with my understanding.  1 Cor. 14:15

I studied a little bit on praying in the spirit versus praying with my words and thoughts.  In the example 1 Corinthian 14, praying in the spirit is praying in tongues.

To be honest, I've tried the pray in tongues, however, I'm to conscious of what I'm doing.  I just can't get into it.  I know a lot of people are on both sides of the fence with this topic and this post isn't about that.  I can only go with what scripture tells me.  Speaking in tongues is a gift.  It is not one I'm blessed with right now.

But does that mean my spirit doesn't pray?  I don't think so.  No where does it say the spirit only prays in tongues.  Then God revealed Himself to me on this issue.

While I was struggling with doubt and had my focus wrong, my spirit was in prayer for me.  I was off inside, but I sought God, continued to study His word and do what He led me to do.  Out of that obedience, I now have revelation. 

Revelation is so awesome.  To come to a new understanding that I didn't possess before.  Looking back I can tell that to spirit was in prayer for me.  Once I released some of the junk in my head and faithfully showed obedience, things fell into place.  Something I listened three times now sinks in.  My mind is now in a place to hear and understand what the spirit has prayed for me to get.

Only when I gave up myself.  Only when I kept my focus on God.  Only when I allowed Him to prioritize my days.  It all worked out.

Although I said I didn't have time to write, God has opened the door back up for me to write.  He created a few pockets of time and gave me the revelation on what to write.  I was obedient to push pause, now He says go, so I stopped and now I go.   

Affirmation

I love it when I'm going down a path and God sends affirmation.  With each day, my trust in Him grows and I am enabled to kick doubt to the curb.  I don't have time to doubt.

However, I'll take affirmation anytime God wants to give.  Its that little extra 'you're doing well' that keeps me going on His path.

I had a meeting to pass on a service project that I headed up this past year.  I knew several months ago that God didn't want me doing that over the next year.  I've posted about giving up some service to focus on counselor training.  I stood firm even when the person pressed for me to come help.  Fortunately she understood the importance to obedience over the desires of men.

I came home from that meeting to an email from a friend who loaned me a DVD for the Made to Crave study I led earlier this year.  She needed the DVD back.  I looked all around the house, where did I put it so I wouldn't lose it?  The words from yesterday's post on why I cleaned my garage where in my head.  

Over the past month I have misplaced two other things.  One - an important quote with house measurements my brother gave me, the other - our well used desk dictionary.  I like to look up the words I don't know while reading.  I had bought another dictionary, but with the DVD I had three things missing.  I turned to God, as I had done on my other attempts to find the missing items, not allowing frustrations to impede my search.  I was able to declutter a few baskets while I searched.  I wondered what God was trying to teach me.

When my daughter came home, she needed dice to play a game her teacher sent home.  In looking in a game for dice, she found the quote.  (It had clung to a game board that we played several weeks ago.)  I praised her and God.  She was excited to tell Daddy and I put a call into my brother, who was relieved not to have to measure again.  

I began discussing the DVD with D and how I couldn't find it.  I said I found the books, one in a basket, one on the bookshelf.  As I thumbed the bookshelf again, I found the DVD, it had slid back behind two books.  With a high-five praise God, we were amazed that we had found two of our lost items in just an hour.

Getting ready for our evening activities, K needed to get her water bottle from her room.  In the process, she found the dictionary.  Amazing.

I know, I sound a little crazy, but praise God for this affirmation.  I knew He had something to teach me.  He waited until I needed three items before opening my eyes to find them.  

It's not that our house is total disaster zone, either.  I don't want to down play the need for me to take better care of my home, in doing so, take better care of my family.  This is a point God is working in me.  To be content in the work He gave me today and allow Him to lead me to the work He has for me.  I don't need to fill up my time with doing that I'm not serving.

Lord, I want

Lord, I want what You have for me, not what I can go get on my own.  I know there is much to gain in the journey.  I know You have a plan for me.  I could go the easier route, but You haven't given me peace about it.  You haven't sent affirmation.  I will trust what You do have for me.  I will trust your leading.  Oh, Lord above all else, I want what You have for me.  For You are the Giver of good gifts.  Your timing is perfect.  I will trust You, for I know You love me.  You equip those You call and I know You will equip me before You send me or even along the way.  The journey getting there is as important as the destination.  It is the time for growth, to being secure in You, to having confidence in You.  Yes, Lord, I want what You have for me.  If I'm misguided, trying to get things on my own, please reveal it to me fast, help me to get back to where You want me.  I trust You, God.  I love You, God.  You are the perfecter of my faith, always and forever. Amen

Whatever is pure

I'm still discussing having control over my thoughts with God.  You may remember several post about where my mind takes me such as this one last week.  It is a point that God is working on and will give me the grace to change.

I was doing something mundane around the house, I believe doing the dishes.  Something sparked a memory of my past that I didn't want to spend my time thinking about.  I said 'Lord, why does this keep happening?'  

(It's not a every minute problem, but enough that I want it gone.  It's not just thoughts of me personally, but of what others went through, movies, books, stories I've read, just random things that add nothing to the here and now.)

Then I became aware of my situation.  My husband had just turned on the radio and Jesus Calling was playing.  Then I said, 'Why can't these things spur thoughts of You?'

His reply, 'They can'.  I just rolled that over in my mind.  I know it is so simple.  It felt like a big slap to my head, duh, moment.  Jesus can be my trigger thoughts.  To think of what He's done for me.  The blessings He gives me each day.

Paul says it best:
Philippians 4:8  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Follow Daniel

I go back and forth on not eating meat.  At times I'm totally grossed out by meat.  Other times it doesn't bother me.  I don't get it.  (I mean meat as something that was living and now is not, not beef).  

Recently our church discussed the use of fasting to draw closer to God.  With my hypoglycemia, I'm not ready to do a full fledged fast.  I do think a time spent following Daniel fast is feasible.  I go back and forth on what is "right".  I know ultimately it's about freeing up time to spend with God, to be in His word, to pray, to listen. 


I wasn't sure I would do a Daniel fast.  Then I noticed last week I hadn't had meat all day.  So that has progressed to several days.  I will admit that I haven't really looked up what everyone calls a Daniel fast.  I even saw a web page the list foods that were OK.  No, I'll just skip the meat for now and call me happy. 


One thing I love is cucumber and avocado wraps.  I sprinkle a little salt and white wine vinegar on top.  The protein in the avocado keeps me full. 


My body is adjusting, so I feel hungry more often.  I use that reminder to pray and praise God for what He is and will do in my life.

I am more aware of what I'm eating, how much and protein combos.  Checking off my fruits and veggies before extra carbs.  Before tea, I need three mugs (18 oz. each) of water.  That doesn't include my cup of caffeine first thing in the morning.

Oh the pain

I've posted before on my tendency to take over.  God's way is great, but my way will be better....how could I have ever thought that?  Sad, but true, I have.  Oh, how I've suffered for it.

Several years ago I decided to ignore the hamstring pain and keep the stretch, going deeper.  I spent several months on the couch while healing.

Spring 2011 I enjoyed jogging 2x a week and seeing nice results and ability to jog longer distances (just over a mile).  But I decided I could get fit faster, go longer and added in 1 to 2 x additional jogging.  Only to have my hip hurt tremendously through my vacation.

Summer 2011 I focused on biking, yoga and doing all the yard work.  I didn't push myself to hard though.  My back went out in the middle.  I finally went to a PT spent two months learning how to keep my muscles in line.

The PT stretching routine became my sole source of exercise over the past school year.  When we went on our vacation at the beginning of June, the hiking up the side of mountains did me in.  My hip flamed up again.  

I prayed for direction on my hip pain.  Did I need to go to the PT again?  What exercise did I need to do?  What physical service could I endure for my Lord if my hip flamed up?  However, God answered the prayer about my back pain, I trust Him for the hip pain a well.

It happened He lead us to go to a store that sells wholesale clear outs (not sure what you call it for new stuff that was clearanced out by other companies and bought by this company).  For a third of the price at a sports store, I found a foam roller.  I learned back with my hamstring was pulled that a foam roller could be used.  However, I couldn't find an affordable one and didn't want to spend money that I didn't know if it would be well spent (relying on my own reasoning).  

I snagged the roller.  At home I did my own rolling, which of course wasn't how I was suppose to do it.  In quick research lead me to bodyspex.com.  In the first video I watched, Jai mentioned that if anything causes a lot of pain means I could have tightness, scar tissue and issues with the muscles.  

This lead me to learn about the Iliotibial Band and IT Band Syndrome.  This is precisely what is causing my hip pain.  Most times this syndrome causes pain called runner's knee, which I suffer minorly from.  However my pain is the hip pain over the greater trochanter.  I also develop Trochanteric Bursitis from overuse.

OK, have I made you go to sleep with this information?  Well I have endured more pain with this foam roller.  I know I'm making progress.  I know I will, after months, maybe years of rehab, regain an active lifestyle with endurance to do it.  The roller is God's blessing to answer my question for my hip pain.  With this syndrome, there is no hurrying the process.  I'm willing to endure, to suffer the pain with the hope that it will soon be healed enough to start jogging again.  God is good!

Video is also helpful.

God of this City

Our recent visit to a metropolis was wonderful and exhausting all in one.  It is a lot bigger than the city I live near.


Being somewhat submersed into the culture, I was over come with the need of God to truly be in the lives of the people.


I was sadden by behavior of grown adult.  Sadden they don't know a better way - God's way.


The statues of great men and all they accomplished without a mention of their source of strength - God.


The pro-choice advocacy poster.


The homeless who carried all their owned in backpacks


The assault of evolution in the museums.


This city is not alone.  There is a hope.  For God is there.  He is working - through His people, His church, His power.  The battle is being fought for this city.  


You're the God of this city
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of these nation
You are

You're the light in this darkness
You're the hope to the hopeless
You're the peace to the restless
You are
 
There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God greater things
Have yet to come
And greater things
Are still to be done in this city greater things
Have yet to come
And greater things
Are still to be done here 
~Chris Tomlin

Fulfilled Needs

I was challenged by Devo to examine how content I am with my life.  It pointed out if I ever thought I have a want and didn't get it fulfilled, it is because I didn't need it.  

I thought - what about this?  There were times when I needed help and there wasn't any.  Of course He put the brakes on that thought.  I did have help.  I could have utilized this help more.  In fact, my refusal to utilized this help probably hindered the growth of my helper as a leader.  I know God will complete the work in His own way, but I could have stepped aside so this person could have stepped up.


So OK, I get the point.  And it's amazing how my joy level returned resting in God does give me all I need.  


But back to the challenge, I started a list of my needs: God, love, strength, healing, food, shelter, companionship, contentment, protection, forgiveness, wisdom, knowledge....etc.  The list could go on and on.


I was going to match each need with a verse.  Such as:
Love:
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16


Protection:
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”Joshua 1:9


But then I started to say, what if there's a better verse (LOL on the contentment!).  And there is a better verse.  Two verses (at least what God lead me to) in fact.


His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 2 Peter 1:3

There it is.  His diving power has given us everything we need for a godly life.  I can rest in that verse.  He has given me everything I need to be who He wants me to be in Jesus.



This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.  1 John 5:14-15


That last part.  We know that we HAVE what we asked of him.  If I ask anything according to His will - and the closer I am to Him the more I ask for things in His will - I not only receive it, but I HAVE it, as I already possess it.  


These two verses fill me to overflowing.  God is good!

Pride before the fall

In this post, I discussed emotional dependency. 

This past weekend we had several opportunities to fellowship with our church family.  In that, several people stopped my husband a gave compliments.  And I had the selfish thought "why wasn't I there, it would have done me good to hear them?"


Well, then in my MTC study, it discussed to unmasked yourself in from of God.  In doing that, I thought over why was my initial response so selfish.  And I thought it was my emotional dependency.  That I again wanted validation from man.  Which is true.


Yet fully unmasking it, asking God for wisdom in understanding it, He revealed my pride.  It is my pride that wanted the compliments.  Ouch, that one hurt.


I do want to disclose, my service and actions were true, wanting to serve God in serving His church.  However, like all good we do, Satan will look for ways to void it, to throw us into a tailspin that sets back the good work because we make it about us, not God's glory.


Yet, another victory, since this little truth was revealed to me.  It is empowering to know it, to look out for it and to keep it in check if ever the thoughts come back.

God reminded me of my good works that He called me to in the above post - "I need to encourage others, not seek the encouragement."

Words of Prayers...part 1

Prayer is powerful.  I'm learning to use God's word as a prayer.  What better prayer than to pray God's words back to Him?

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.  1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

I pray this for those I shepherd.  

¹You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.

² I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.
³ Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.
⁴ I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.
⁵ I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

⁶ On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night.
⁷ Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
⁸ I cling to you; your right hand upholds me.

⁹ Those who want to kill me will be destroyed; they will go down to the depths of the earth.
¹⁰ They will be given over to the sword and become food for jackals.

¹¹ But the king will rejoice in God; all who swear by God will glory in him, while the mouths of liars will be silenced. Psalm 63

This one just speaks words my soul has.  It resets my focus on God and how I spend my days.

Pleasing Jesus

⁸ (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)
³¹ Meanwhile his disciples urged him, “Rabbi, eat something.”
 ³² But he said to them, “I have food to eat that you know nothing about.”
 ³³ Then his disciples said to each other, “Could someone have brought him food?”
   ³⁴ “My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. ³⁵ Don’t you have a saying, ‘It’s still four months until harvest’? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. ³⁶ Even now the one who reaps draws a wage and harvests a crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together. ³⁷ Thus the saying ‘One sows and another reaps’ is true. ³⁸ I sent you to reap what you have not worked for. Others have done the hard work, and you have reaped the benefits of their labor.” John 4: 8, 31-38

I'm still amazed as to how much can be gleaned from this passage with the Samaritan woman.  I recently looked again at the interaction with the disciples around Jesus and the Samaritan woman.

The disciples went into town to buy food.  They were in an area that disgusted them, as the Samaritans were half breeds and according to their law, did not worship God properly.  Samaritans also worshiped idols.  

Yet they went into town to do what they thought would please Jesus.  

Meanwhile, Jesus is working on the spiritual needs, not physical.  So when the disciples return, they wonder what physical food Jesus ate.  What about their effort to get food from the town?  Jesus points out the harvest of Samaritans that were coming towards them.  This is the first time Jesus includes gentiles in His ministry.

I want to go back to what the disciples were doing.  They did what they thought Jesus wanted.  They thought they were pleasing Him with their works.

Do I do that?  Do I say, "I'm going to do this for God.  I want You to notice God and bless me for what I'm doing for you."?  Yet, I fulfill my need by what I did.

Yes, what I do should be for God, but is it God's will?  Am I telling God I'm willing to do what ever you ask as long as I can stay in my safe little place.  And PLEASE, don't ask me to speak to the Samaritans.  It was degrading enough just to purchase food from them.  Am I so focused on my own physical needs that I miss the spiritual needs before me?  

I am challenged to think outside my safe little world.  To look beyond what is happening before me.  To look the the spiritual aspects of those around me.  To point to Jesus, just as the Samaritan woman did.  

I've been patient (well perhaps not completely).  God is revealing His plan for me.  He's showing me the way.  Putting the people in my path to speak with.  He's formulating a plan.  Will I step completely on His next step for me?  We shall see. 

Conversation Questions

I posted a couple conversation questions I can pull out to help me in conversation.  I need to put them to use!

-What's God doing in your life?  

-How can I pray for you?

I heard another that I want to store in memory to use.  I have a neighbor that wears a cross necklace and I would love to ask him.

-That's a pretty necklace.  Is that something pretty to wear or does it represent a deeper meaning to you?

I was warned this could cause some surprising answers.  That it really only works on a small setting, perhaps one on one.  To be prepared to answer to the response with saying I'm a sister in Christ as well or to tell what the cross means to me.