Pain Update...

Ok, I snagged this picture...no way I could take a picture of my own.  Well, my dr. appointment was only half successful by my expectations.  100 % successful by God's provision. 

I can best describe the pain from the shot is someone pinching you were you are bruised.  Fortunately I wasn't in a lot of pain prior, which means I wasn't overly sensitive.  I never seen a needle go so deep into me before (although D pointed out the epidural I received probably did, but I didn't see it.)  I caught my groan from the pain, grabbed the dr. should so I didn't fall over.  He had a hold of the needle so I wanted to make sure we stayed together until it was done.  Still too soon to determine if it will be lasting pain relief or not.  I'm have great expectation that it will help in the long run.  All the sensations it caused were pains that I felt before with my inflamed hip.

I have been diligent to slow down, to do my daily physical therapy exercises.  It has helped tremendously. I'm slowly regaining strength in my body.  I'm really amazed how much muscle I lost from the foot sprain.

I weighed in at the dr.  I'm down a few pounds.  Still not at my pre-winter weight, but happy to be moving in the right directions.  Many of my summer close are fitting better.  I've stopped (or close to it) weighing at home.  It's not about the number, but about obedience, self-control and living by the spirit.  If I'm doing these things, the number will be where it needs to be. 

So if you get a moment, say a prayer for me.  That the shot is effective and my focus remain on my Healer - He has healed my soul, in that I will be content.

Pain

I'm struggling with high levels of physical pain - which is hard to focus on much else.  What little time I do have, I have to focus on what's most important - and this blog usually doesn't make it.

I've written about my foot sprain.  My IT band.  Perhaps not the chronic pain in my shoulder and arm that has been with me since my teens.  One week ago I sat in church trying to stay composed.  I have chronic tendonitis in my ride side - that is from my ear down - my neck/shoulder/arm/abs/back/hip/it band/foot.  I only have tightness in my calf - thankfully.  To top it off, I can't take anything but tylenol because it hurts my stomach so.  Muscle relaxers don't ease the burning from muscles/tendons (although they can help with sleep, they lower my blood pressure which is barely high enough to keep my going as it is - so I can't take more than one night at a time.)

And when the pain settles in like last week (making it hard to sleep), it's hard to not allow it to be your only focus.  It's hard to keep my eyes on God.  But where else would I turn?  He answered prayer and the week lead to new discoveries and determinations. 

• Specific exercise that may help the IT band issue, trapezius and foot.
• Encouragement to get a cortisone shot in at least my hip - this is a big decision for me since I resisted so long - but hope that that shot will give me time pain free to strengthen this area.
• I have to stop doing so much - working/playing through the pain.  I need rehab!
• I am free from over working myself - I don't have to keep up and push myself to pain.  I need to take the days of rest my body needs.
• It's important to ask for prayers.  It's important to keep bringing my pain to God - not just to remove it, but to help me learn from it.

God gave me this body and all things to be a steward of.  I'm not being a very good steward, but I'm making a plan to get there.  The weight I've gained with my foot issue has to be combated in the kitchen not in exercise.  I love God more.  My flesh may bulk, I may endure a new kind of discomfort, but in the end it is worth it.

"A steward is not supposed to manage things for his own pleasure, convenience or benefit.  Instead, he is expected to follow his master's instructions and look out for his master's interest, even if they conflict with his own personal desires or convenience (Jn 12:24-26.)" Ken Sande

Hebrews 12
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart...¹¹ No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Taking Big Strides when Little Strides are needed

I'm enjoying my new walking schedule.  My body is craving the stroll.  I had a little trouble with my left knee starting to burn.  I thought 'oh I need to slow down', but it really didn't help.  I didn't want to go back to wearing the brace. 

A breeze came to me as I sought God to help me keep up the walking.  My stride.  I'm seriously like a mad woman on a mission when it comes to walking.  I remember the first time I went shopping without my brace - after several months of wearing it.  I pushed my cart around like I was a speed walker taking huge steps.  I felt it in me knee.

So on my next walk, I purposely shortened my stride.  I can still walk as fast as I need to, just not take bigger than I need to take steps.  As a benefit to less pain in my knee, my hips didn't get tight.  I usually stop to stretch out my right hip twice on my walk.  It wasn't necessary today!  I just have to praise God for reminding me.

But I was thinking, what else do I start to take big strides through when little one are what's needed?

I get in a rush to get it done.  I busy here and there, rushing through my day.  Slow down.  Take those smaller steps of enjoyment.  Joy is what my long strides often step over.  I get so concerned about getting to the end that I forget the joy on the way.

I'm going to think about this a little more.  I love having a new perspective on how to look at things.

Living and Active

I had a post lined up for today, however after writing one, God led me to several more ideas that support the one He breezed my way.  So while I work on that this week for a new series,
I wanted to share I plan to participate in the Living and Active fall challenge over at Peak 313.

I've done well the past month with a commitment to exercise - of course I took nearly two weeks off to be sick and recover. 

I think this challenge will help keep me motivated and accountable to stick with what God is directing me to do - regain physical health through realistic movement.  And focus on His word - which I have down - yet I will never turn down an opportunity to reminded of the need to stay in the Word.  I know me, and it's all to easy to slip into - oh I'll do it later - mode and never get to it. 

In my little slice of Paradise, it is a mile and quarter lap.  {I do not use the word paradise in vain for where I live, Paradise is part of the name :) }.  My goal is to work up to six days a week that I walk it, if I don't have something more strenuous to do at home, like mow the lawn.  Last week I did four days - so Yea!

The other thing I hope peak 313 will help with is thoughts.  I'm on guard to stop thoughts that will make this process about me.  It's not size I'll be if I lose weight.  It's about being able to move.  It's getting stronger.  All this will enable me to be useful to get out there and help others, to endure whatever I need to. 

No longer will I push myself to injury.  No longer will is listen to the call of the sofa.  It's all for God!

Seek Me

God is repeating Himself to me.  “Seek Me”.  I’ve read it many times in my books, but it wasn’t until recently that it stood out in a couple places – be focused on our vertical relationship over any horizontal relationships.  He did this just as He revealed and helped sink in (and answered prayer) to love Him four fold – mind, heart, soul and body. 

He has prepared my heart to go deeper – to really allow this to sink in – to become my new nature – part of my very essence – my heart.

Proverbs 3:6

In all your ways acknowledge (submit to) Him and He will make your path straight.  

What does it mean to acknowledge Him?  To submit my ways to Him?

It brings a new level of loving Him.  Wow, think of Him first.  To seek Him and allow Him to do the work in me.

When I prayed for more of my heart to be revealed, God convicted me.  When I’m convicted of something, I take hold and condemn myself.  I agree that the change needs to happen, then I get busy going about what I think should change and how I should change and when I should change and what the results of that change should look like.  I create plans that fail for I’m trying to do it. 

The change needs to be from the heart and the only way any heart changes is if God changes it.  I need to agree with God and ask Him to show me the steps to change. 

The example in my life if weight loss.  I was convicted (from God) and condemned (from me) to lose weight.  I allowed God to work many things out of me.  With the help of man made tools, I lost a substantial amount and kept it off because of a lifestyle change. 

With my physical issues and my lax with food, I’ve put on 7-8 pounds.  It has brought me to think I should return to lose weight and get to my real goal, which is about twenty pounds lighter.  Do you see the keyword here?  Me or my!

This is me taking something I’m convicted of (eating mainly) and deciding how it should be fixed and what the end results should be.

What is should look like:

1. Listen to God – stock up on healthier food to snack on (Cheez-its don’t count!)
2. Acknowledge Him in all my ways – especially when it comes to food in my mouth.

So in my own planning, I thought I would once again sign up for an online weight loss program and resurrect the gumption to do it.  However, God pointed He’s ready for a deeper heart change.  One that acknowledges Him and that He is enough for all things.

(This is in no way says that the man made tools are not Godly.  If He leads you, follow.  Right now He’s leading me another way.  It is a step of faith He wants from me)

 Until we meet again – may God be your eternal light.

Be Done With It

In my study, I've had a fantastic lesson on Idols of the Heart.  Everyone has idols, so my ears always perk up when this is the topic. 

One point that stuck out to me is just be done with it.  The example was if you had a rabid animal, you wouldn't just tie it up in your yard.  It's not safe for your family, other animals, itself.  The animal must be destroyed.   Idols are not harmless little fury friends.  Idols need to be destroyed.

What spoke to me, was my poor eating choices.  I was allowing the idol to grow yet again.  More and more sweets entered my mouth.  I even ate candy - something I gave up a long time ago.  And in all, it just wasn't that good.  My tastes had moved on to other good things. 

When food is your idol, it can be very difficult, since I need it to survive.  I can't just give it up.  So I need the right attitude and the self-control in dealing with my food.  I must never allow my attitude to be obsessed with food.  I must have self-control to not overeat.

With the issues with my legs (left knee, right hip pain), eating is all the more import.  I'm not moving as much, so burning less off.  The pain in my hip got to a point this week that I'm going to take as long as needed for it to pass and I can return to exercise.  I know one day I will overcome these issue - for God has revealed His plan to me.  In the meantime, I need to eat less to allow for the lack of movement. 

In doing that, I desire to be done with the idol of food.  To just eat enough.  My Lord and Savior will help me.  He resisted temptation.  He will give me strength.

Answered Prayer

It was an underlying story line in a recent TV movie.  It was like three sentences in the whole movie.  It was not the main point by far.  Yet, when I'm listening for God to speak, I'm listening to everything.  God has directed me through many people, many words that, in context, would not apply.  However, listen, God speaks.

For me it spoke of tight hips, um yes, that is part of my physical problem.  The movie alluded to a solution (again, minor fraction for the movie), but didn't come right out to say it.  I knew from my extensive exercise knowledge what it meant.  I prayed about it and found my library had a DVD.  I asked God if this was from Him... I didn't get back any negatives, so I proceeded to check out the DVD, trusting it wouldn't take long for me to figure it out.

I watched the DVD through.  Not bad.  It struck me that the instructor used these perfectly tall, beautiful dancers to execute the moves.  She (the instructor) on the other hand was an apple shape. Then the question arises in my heart?  Do I want to do an exercise program that the instructor looks like that?  I continue to watch the video.  In an interview with the instructor, they show her demonstrating some of the moves.  She is strong.  Overall, I thought I could do the workout, not because it looked easy, but it was slow and focused on building core muscle.


Then the past me kicked in: measure so I can KNOW how much I lose.  Monitor it, I have to if I want this great testimony, right?  Again, I wondered about the woman's body.  Then it hit me, my focus was on the wrong thing, again.  So thankful that God has patience with me!  Measurements are linked to vanity for me.  I wanted numbers to show that I improved.  I couldn't just rely on how I felt and the way my clothing fit, could I?

Yes, I changed my focus.  My body shape and size left.  If I can be as strong as the instructor was at 80, yes that's right, 80, then I don't care how I'm shaped, how much I weigh.  I want to the strength.  I know that strength has many great purposes for serving God.

For now, that's all I'll share.  I'll save my journey of doing the program for later, when I have a better testimony.  It's a major break through to get my mind aligned with God about my body.

Compartmentalize?

Continuing with my sin of pride.  I focused on my health and my plan to get healthier.  I made it more a priority than spending time with God.  It filled me thoughts.

Hebrew 12:2a: Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus.

I made this simple plan, with my knee and hip issues in mind, to improve my health.  Then my mind was distracted by a few aspects of that.  The distractions opened the door for more distractions.  Needless to say, I was not doing Hebrews 12:2!

As I posted here, I was getting ready to beg for a big dose of grace to be heaped on my plan when God changed my focus. 

But I say, walk and live [habitually] in the [Holy] Spirit [responsive to and controlled and guided by the Spirit]; then you will certainly not gratify the cravings and the desires of the flesh(of human nature without God.) Galatians 5:16

It comes down to if its God’s will, He will enable me.  Only in seeking Him that I can resists the desires of the flesh.  I was excluding God from these areas of my life (my pride said I could do it my way and on my own).  My pastor recently called it compartmentalizing your life.  My health was something I said I wanted to improve me for God.  I introspectively decided it needed fixed.  I didn’t feel conviction to do all my plans.  I allowed the distractions make it about me.  I wasn’t seeing how it all tied together, since in my head it was one of many things.  If the heart in involved, than all things are tied together (btw, all things are a heart thing). 

Fortunately God opened my eyes to see how it is all connected when He revealed how my pride caused the issues sin I struggled with.  What had God convicted me to do?  As I search my heart, I know it is to exercise and gain strength.  I am to avoid sweets and too much sugar.  I am to eat enough food to feed me, no excess.

Opposition: Weak Flesh

⁷ To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  2 Corinthians 12:7-10

When the opposition Life Principle was revealed to me, I didn’t know what was going on with my knee.  I had made some progress with my right hip and was ready to work on building up muscle again.  Yet, with the increasing pain in the knee and the Dr. declaration that surgery may be the only option, I was felt defeated. 

I resisted it, yet it hung over me like a dark cloud.  Perhaps this is why it was so darn easy to stick my hand into the cookie jar.  Fortunately I am being trained not to keep looking at the problem, but to see God in the problem.  He reminded me of two friends that deal with extreme pain on a daily basis, yet they keep on, keepin’ on.  Although at times they ‘feel’ discouraged, they never allow that to paralyze them into inaction.  They reach out for God, for encouragement. 

Part of the dark cloud was my desire to go out and serve God – this included mission’s work.  I already agreed to postpone going on a trip because I knew I could not take climbing a mountain to the village. 

If God called me to this mission field, He will enable me. 

²⁰ May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, ²¹ equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. Hebrews 13:20-21

God knows my hurt knee, hurt hip, back, ect.  He knows.  And if He knows, He will not call me to do anything that He will not enable me to do beforehand.  Perhaps it is just my own desire to go on this mission trip.  Perhaps not.  What I do know is that God will equip me for the work He has for me.  And if my flesh is full of pain, then the work will take that pain as part of the plan.  In this I can trust.

Life Principle:  My body may fail and hurt, yet it is perfect for all the work in which God calls me to.

Peace from Obedience

“If you love me, you will obey what I command.  John 14:15

In obedience I have the peace of Jesus.  From Thanksgiving until Christmas, I slowly gave into more and more sweets.  As you know I was called to give up the sweets.  Yet that part of me that was rebelling screamed for me. 

Fortunately, I could not bear to eat a lot of really sweet things.  Also, I did not indulge nearly as much as I had in the past.  However, it became a disobedience act [SIN], not a special occasion. 

Needless to say my waistline showed the results.  I had already fluffed up do to limitation on exercise my hip caused, now the extra cookie here and there were adding up. 

During the week leading up to Christmas, I decided that I was indulging to much, only to find my hand in the cookie jar!  When I prayed for God to help me come back in line with what He asked me to do, was I enabled to keep my hand out of the jar.

It was also in this prayer that many of these Life Principles came.  He spurred a desire to write down and organize these principles so that I could review, remind and hold on to the great things He has personally reveal to me and how He wants me to live.

Life Principle:  I enjoy the peace that comes from God enabled obedience.

This is a Test

I put in a prayer request:  God's wisdom as I work with doctors concerning my knee and discipline to do what I need to do to rest the knee over the next month.

No sooner than it became public did I receive a test.  I get a call from Kat's principal.  They need a short term position filled and he thought of me first.

Flip back a few years ago.  My daughters in school full time.  I felt a huge pressure to find a full time job.  This pressure was from outside my immediate family - like my dad, the world in general.  I still couldn't handle the thought of Kat being in childcare.  If she was available to be with me, I wanted to be available to be with her. 

Logical choice was to work for the school in some way.  I'm not a teacher, so that was out.  I pleaded with the principal for a job so that I could have something to do with my time.  Good thing he didn't allow that crazy woman to work for him besides subbing a few time (a part time career that took a nose dive quick). 

This job offer, although temporary, would lead to a permanent position, at least year to year, if I took it.  It meant I would need to give up the volunteer work I do.  The Bible study class I'm in.  Quiet study time for counseling training (CT).  Oh, and that rest my knee needs. 

I talked with Dale before saying no, but I knew I had to say no.  I would have grasp my own dream, desire, not what God had for me.  I would do more damage to my knee in hopes of getting a job to please the world. 

For that obedience, my Wednesday schedule was cleared off so I could finish the work I have for CT that starts back up next week.

And before we have a cheer over my obedience, I wavered throughout the afternoon.  Not in terms of calling him back to take the positions.  In terms of envisioning a job at the school and being on Kat's schedule, ect.  The ease (or so I think) of such a job.  That's worldly ease at that.  I simply had a stern talk and reminded myself of God's plan for me and the trust I have in those plans.  If I am to work at the school, God will open the door for me to do so and that is the end of that.

Follow Daniel

I go back and forth on not eating meat.  At times I'm totally grossed out by meat.  Other times it doesn't bother me.  I don't get it.  (I mean meat as something that was living and now is not, not beef).  

Recently our church discussed the use of fasting to draw closer to God.  With my hypoglycemia, I'm not ready to do a full fledged fast.  I do think a time spent following Daniel fast is feasible.  I go back and forth on what is "right".  I know ultimately it's about freeing up time to spend with God, to be in His word, to pray, to listen. 


I wasn't sure I would do a Daniel fast.  Then I noticed last week I hadn't had meat all day.  So that has progressed to several days.  I will admit that I haven't really looked up what everyone calls a Daniel fast.  I even saw a web page the list foods that were OK.  No, I'll just skip the meat for now and call me happy. 


One thing I love is cucumber and avocado wraps.  I sprinkle a little salt and white wine vinegar on top.  The protein in the avocado keeps me full. 


My body is adjusting, so I feel hungry more often.  I use that reminder to pray and praise God for what He is and will do in my life.

I am more aware of what I'm eating, how much and protein combos.  Checking off my fruits and veggies before extra carbs.  Before tea, I need three mugs (18 oz. each) of water.  That doesn't include my cup of caffeine first thing in the morning.

Obedient journey

God has motivated me with actual goals - which I usually avoid.  Goals He will bless since He called me to it.


Weight by numbers.  

I am currently 157.6 lbs.  For the past few years I've maintained between 150 and 153.  Until school starts again for K, I will work without a food journal.  In the past I am more successful with a food journal.  For me, I struggle with knowing when I am full.  I want to learn more about this.  To be aware of how I feel.  To ask before eating "Is this the best for me?" 


Phase 1 - get back to 150  lbs.
Phase 2 - get to 145 lbs.

Body movement.

I need to regain muscle.  I'm stretching everyday to keep my back and leg pain away.  That has helped me keep some tone, but I know I'm not doing enough.  I also need to get back to some aerobics.  I would love to get back to jogging and I'll post more on that later.

Current schedule (to school starting) - walk a lap 3x a week with K, get my weights out and start a simple routing at least 2x a week.  


After school starts, I'll reassess my advancement and make the adjustments needed.  A few years ago, I was able to jog 2x a week and do strength training 2x and maintain my health.

Confession of a glutton

¹⁴ We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. ¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶ And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.  Romans 7:14-20

This passage from Romans 7 came to mind recently.  I pray that God's will to be done in my life.  I thought I was obedient to what He asked me to do - pertaining to not eating sweets.  I can give you a list of reasons on how I am obedient to this calling.  However, I am neglecting the habitual sin of gluttony that I deal with.  I want to be done with this sin, yet I pick it up over and over.  I look forward to the day when I am done with it.  Perhaps today is that day.  Only God knows.  


I have gained weight over the past few months.  I'm up a few pounds.  In normal circumstances, most wouldn't fret over a few pounds, but for me, it is a sign that I'm not paying attention to the sin in my life.  After some investigation I have found:

• I stopped drinking all my needed water.  Although replaced mainly with unsweet decaf tea or coffee, it still isn't water.  My UT isn't happy about it either. 
• I switched to my summer breakfast of raisin bran (replaced oats).  Based on how much I ate, I added over 200 calories to my day.  The reasoning that it's high in fiber just doesn't cancel excess calories and I was oblivious.
• Since I'm not eating sweets, I upped my simple carb intake.  Remove the bread, pasta and crackers from my reach.
• I skipped adding veggies to our menu.  Went for some sort of potato instead (carbs??).
• I let my workouts to go far and few between.  With the drought and heat wave this summer, my normal outside summer workouts (aka yard work) is non-existent.

So when I explored all this, I remembered the above verses.  I thought how I don't want to compromise.  I want to be in God's will.  Before I'm in God's will until it conflicts with the easy way out, or the second helping of food or reading a book.


So, I'll share over the next few post how God has lead me on this issue.

MTC Session 3 and 4

During session 3, God was speaking to me and many levels.  Some of the following is not from the Made to Crave book. 


I can't, God can - no matter what I set my mind to do.  I will always fail.  God will not!


I want my life to be defined by my obedience to God, nothing else (weight, size, possessions, etc.)  This change in thinking was tremendous for me.  I didn't get the first time around in this study.  Now when the junk starts entering my head, I can compare to how I am obedient and know whether I'm truly failing or succeeding.  If I am failing, I know what I need to do to get back into fellowship with my God, back into obedience.  That is the only thing that matters, really.  From my obedience, I can fulfill all those things I love (spending time with my family, service) and those things I don't (cleaning the litter box or middle of the night sickness.)


That even though I'm having a lot of muscle pain, I can move (which WILL help) in that pain to glorify God.


That I need to consider my motives.  This clicked for some reason.  It's like a duh? moment.  It's so reasonable, but I didn't do it.  This made to really look at why I stopped eating sweets.  Why I'm using the computer, TV, books I read, in all that I do in obedience.  Is it for me or something else?  For if I don't know why I'm doing something, shouldn't I give it more thought?


Lastly for session 3, I need to bring my mind, body and spirit into communion.  The verse says Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  Matthew 22:37.  I found that I would two of these things in communion, working together for my good.  However, I need to have all three working together.  I need to work my body so that it improves and maintains health, but does not zap all my energy for my mind.  That I don't devote so much time to my health and entertaining my mind that I do not feed my spirit food (scripture, prayer).  


For session 4, I also read excerpt from the new Made to Crave for Young Women book.  I think a statement in this this summed up session 4.  "Seeking legitimate things illegitimate ways."  This session is on replacing lies with truth.  It again encouraged me to keep memorizing scripture.  What I want is legitimate, but am I seeking the right way to get there or am I seeking the easy route.  What would happen if Jesus did this?  Satan tempted Him to be the king over all the nations, if only He bow down to satan.  It is legitimate  outcome, but Jesus did not take the easy - wrong way.  He went through the cross to get there and brought me with Him.  For that, I am eternally grateful.

MTC Session 1 and 2

My life group for Made to Crave is coming to a close.  Over the next few weeks I'll write insights I received from this study the second time around.


Session 1:
It was during this session, along with my other Bible study and church messages that I felt the Holy Spirit's conviction to start memorizing scripture.  Do to some health issues over the past two weeks, I've not done so well.  I plan to get a new verse to focus on soon.   


Session 2:
It was during this session that God revealed that my no sweets way of eating wasn't temporary.  Until I live in a different culture, that is the way I need to live right now.  With access to sweets on every corner and lurking in over half the grocery store, I just need to abstain completely.  And I'm Ok with that.  It reminded me of 


No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11


My righteousness and peace is coming through by the self sacrifice endurance of discipline to move from a place of self-reliance to God-reliance.  That the blessings of God are abundant to those who follow His ways.


In all this, I draw closer to my Father.  I know Him and my love for Him is growing.