Finished

With a deep breath I can say I have finished - the paperwork still needs done and I have at least one more meeting, but the work on my part is finished.

I wrestled with putting off the final meeting.  It's Christmas break, I should be able to take off.  Yet, while I stood worshiping in church, I knew I had to try and get it in.  As soon as I got home I emailed, asking for a meeting, not giving a option out (I had originally planned to do this.)  I had to get home since I do not have one of the smart contraptions.

Six hours later I got a yes reply to the meeting.  They could have said no and I would have been fine, since it's in God's hands.  God instructed me to reach out, wait patiently and then finish what I started.

This doesn't mean I'm done:

• Gaining wisdom - I have so much to learn, but now I'm on my own schedule.  I get to choose (listening to Holy Spirit) what and when and pray for the dedication to get it done.
• Meeting with others - I will continue to finish the cases I'm on and see what God has in store for me.

I'm excited for the next phase.  Excited to look back and praise God for what He has brought me through since March 2012.  He has poured so much into me.  It took two years and four months to finish (taking summers off.)  I would encourage everyone to become a Biblical Counselor.  It could easily be done while working as it is done less than part time.  Classes were only one evening a week, very little homework, a lot of reading (this is what summers are for), and growth in ways you  never imagined.  There are training centers that have weekend get-aways classes, but I think it would be too much information crammed into a little bit of time.  I need the slow drip method!

Below is the beautiful card and loving words from my husbands upon completion.

Not about Me

Transition is hard and I feel like I've been in it for years.  Always wondering what is next?  Should I get a paying job?  Continue to volunteer?  Redecorate the house?  Learn Spanish?  You know the list of possibilities never ending.

I'm near the end of the certification to be a biblical counselor.  It's been a fantastic journey - however I've been ready for what's next for about half that time.  It got so bad that I had to intentionally refuse to think about it - which is hard for the planner in me.  God taught me to be patient, wait on His timing.  He knows me well, that if I know what's next, I'll skip what's today and jump to tomorrow.

My thoughts settled on taking time to work on me yesterday.  Yeah, time to work walking by the Spirit, my health, my home.  A time to do all those things I put on hold while I worked on the certification process. 

Then the brakes were hit with that thought process.  I remembered a conversation in counseling that urged the gal to pray as we've discussed.  She rarely prays.  Scripture says to pray continually (1 Thes 5.)  All believers need to have a vibrant prayer life - daily connecting with God, resetting our thinking, focusing on things above - eternal things.

Yet - my own prayer life is so-so.  I go through spells where I allow the day to get in the way of my sweet time with my Papa.  How could I focus on ME while not help others?  I cannot withdraw, as my thoughts carried me, from the world to work on me.  It just doesn't work that way.  How did the apostles live?  They spent time with Jesus learning then went out and helped others.  How did Paul live?  He spent time learning from Scripture/Holy Spirit (Gal 1) while growing his ministry.  Finally, he carried out the great ministry God planned for him.

All through Scriptures, those most dedicated to God were dedicated to others.

Merry Christmas - focus on the One who is the Way!

Security

I had heard the lesson many times, but it finally sunk into my soul.  I grasped the whole concept.  I am set free from my bondage.  It is the need for security.  We can seek in vain to be secure.  The bank account at just the right amount.  The debt paid off.  Holding on time to personal information.

Some are paralyzed by the desire to be secure.  Their choices are dominated by their fears.  Some can't leave their homes.  Others will only venture out at just the right time - perhaps when there's no snow/rain/clouds.  Some overprotect their children because of fear.

Some are mobilized because of fear.  They will work beyond their effective capacity in order to maintain a false sense of security.  Some will hover by loved ones, knowing they need to be the one to provide protection.

I heard this message the other way around - where do you place your securities, what idols do you have if it isn't God?  Yet to approach it from why I seek security?  What in me craves the security?

We were designed to want it.  It is part of that God hole in our hearts that we try to foolishly fill with anything other than God.  We might even have God in our hearts, but not allow Him to have this area - for we'd be out of control fully dependent on God if that were the case.  That. Is. Frightening.

But it can be frightening in a good way.

We are even good at convincing ourselves that we've allowed God into every area of our heart.  We think we're dependent on God for security.  However, what if my 'secure' life was altered?  It's only as secure as right now anyway.  What if having needed shelter meant living with a relative instead of my own home?  What if after an exhausting day I still had to go cook dinner (not take out)?  What if instead of a minor car accident my husband was in that it was a major one?  Yeah, that one would be a life changer for sure.

The point is what expectations, demands am I putting on God as a requirement to what security He provides me?  Do I expect to continue to live in my home or is shelter - shelter to me?  Do I expect my bank account to always be a certain amount or am I content that we have enough?  Do I demand to wear certain clothes or are clothes that cover good enough?  Do I demand that my family be sheltered from the cruelties of this world or am I confident that God will see me through any obstacle - keeping my mind set on eternity?

What did Jesus do?  Did He have a place to lay His head? No (Luke 9:58.)  Did He have a bank account?  No and the one keeping the money stole it (John 12:6.)  Did He always have food fit for a king?  No, but He ate well.  Did His Father shelter Him from the cruelties of the world?  No, He took on the full totality of the cruelties (Isaiah 53.)  Why?  He had His mind on eternity.  He wanted me (and you) to be there with Him.  He wanted to free me from seeking security in anything other than His Father.  Real security if found no where else.  Real security is in God. 

So let go of expectations.  Let go of worldly fears.  Release the layers of self-confidence and need to be self reliant.  Take the step to be fully dependent on God.  Oh Papa, help me to do just that!

Pain Update...

Ok, I snagged this picture...no way I could take a picture of my own.  Well, my dr. appointment was only half successful by my expectations.  100 % successful by God's provision. 

I can best describe the pain from the shot is someone pinching you were you are bruised.  Fortunately I wasn't in a lot of pain prior, which means I wasn't overly sensitive.  I never seen a needle go so deep into me before (although D pointed out the epidural I received probably did, but I didn't see it.)  I caught my groan from the pain, grabbed the dr. should so I didn't fall over.  He had a hold of the needle so I wanted to make sure we stayed together until it was done.  Still too soon to determine if it will be lasting pain relief or not.  I'm have great expectation that it will help in the long run.  All the sensations it caused were pains that I felt before with my inflamed hip.

I have been diligent to slow down, to do my daily physical therapy exercises.  It has helped tremendously. I'm slowly regaining strength in my body.  I'm really amazed how much muscle I lost from the foot sprain.

I weighed in at the dr.  I'm down a few pounds.  Still not at my pre-winter weight, but happy to be moving in the right directions.  Many of my summer close are fitting better.  I've stopped (or close to it) weighing at home.  It's not about the number, but about obedience, self-control and living by the spirit.  If I'm doing these things, the number will be where it needs to be. 

So if you get a moment, say a prayer for me.  That the shot is effective and my focus remain on my Healer - He has healed my soul, in that I will be content.

First Things First

I've been thinking a lot about priorities.  The book I'm reading speaks on the topic - I'll write a book review soon.


First, take a look at what I focus on the most...My mind says this, this and this are a priority, but does my actions align?

If those two don't align, how do I get there?  One step at a time, right?  Currently, my garden needs weeding.  Because the pain in my body has receded, I didn't want to aggravate anything.  I decided that I'll spend 10 to 20 minutes a day over the next week to get it back in shape (I have a small 12 x 5 garden, it shouldn't take that much!)  I've started to do that with the clutter in the main part of the house - put things away and be on top of my daughter to do the same.  The most important part is follow through.  This means I need to be aware of what I'm doing and what needs done.  I need to prioritize my time.

I read this quote:
Set priorities for your goals.  A major part of successful living lies in the ability to put first things first.  Indeed, the reason most major goals are not achieved is that we spend our time doing second things first -- Author Unknown.

There was a time in my life that this was 100% true.  Now it's not so much, however there's always room for improvement - such as garden time!

I don't want to come to the end of my life completing only seconds.  I want to finish those major goals.  I ready to do what I can for my health and pain.  I made some tough decisions and I'm sticking to it.  I've allowed myself rest and pushed through to do rehap exercises.

I recognized obstacles will come.  I have an enemy that wants to see me fail, to be ineffective in ministry.  However, my eyes will stay focused on my Savior.  My God will come through.  I will endure until the end.  I will take each step needed (in God's timing!)  I won't take any step alone, the Spirit is here.

Stealing Time

Ephesians 3:15-16  Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

Last night I watched a program.  It referred to "stealing time" when a person spends their time at work on personal things or surfing the internet.  We are held to a higher standard than the "norm" that says we have a right to check email, read blogs and it is a must to check Facebook or twitter, ect.

Good thing for me, I don't "work" outside the home.  Oh, you know what happened then.  The Holy Spirit breezed in and said "this is what I'm talking about.  I sent this to you so you could fully understand what I'm trying to do in you."

So of course I've mulled it over, fell asleep and forgot.  Not to be forgotten long, for I read my daughter her devo for the morning and low and behold these verses above and the need to spend my time wisely was the charge of the day.

I need to be careful.  I need to be wise.  I need to make the most out of every opportunity.  I need to strive for excellence (not perfection).  Because the days are evil!  I need to be careful!  Be wise!  Make the most of every opportunity because the evil is waiting to lure to not be excellent, not be wise, not be careful, not make the most out of every opportunity.

Now my girl has returned to school, it is like New Year's for me.  A time I reflect on what I did last year and what I want to do this year.  A time to do __________ that I put off over the summer so I could devote my time to my girl (yes, cleaning bathrooms were on that list, I'm sorry to say).   

A week or so before school started, God made it clear I was putting to much preference on TV watching and if I continued as I was going, all those things I wanted to catch up on and the study I needed to do would be lost because of TV.  I'm also distracted by the internet surfing.  

So the message last night sunk in.  I'm stealing time away from God when I spend it on things I want, not on the good stuff He's given me.  I'm not so careful when I pursue information that is not needed (what is a best-boy grip anyway?).  I'm not wise when I plan to get a lot done then devote the morning to reading blogs and facebook and I'm definitely not making the most of my time.  I'm not being excellent.

This isn't to say all internet use is stealing or wrong.  You know in your heart when you've crossed the line.  You know when you need to shut off the TV, game or whatever that is distracting you from doing what God is calling you to do that day - clean your house, do the laundry, seek Me in my word.  Praise Me with music, with the cry of your prayers.  You won't be disappointed and you won't feel empty and you'll have accomplished the work before I've set before you.

 

Perform

Is my identity grounded in my performance or in Christ?  One of my books posed this question.
Oh, how this world says performance, performance, performance!  Identity in what job I have (oh, why hasn't God called me back to the workforce).  Identity in who I serve - the inflation of pride for their glorifying remarks (perhaps that's why I didn't get ask to serve much in the years gone by).  Thankfully I can see this is something God has worked (is working) in me for many years. 

When I was looking to be plugged in, God gently reminded me that He already plugged me in right where He wants me.  Why would I ever look elsewhere, especially of things of this world?  Why give into the identity of this world.

Sometimes I long to plug in to the world, to find my identity there, yet only in Christ do I have me - covered by His robe of righteousness.

Rejoice in that.  Be in awed by that.

 

Demise or Opportunity

My heart is wrenched near daily - or at least when I watch the news - at what is going on in this world.  From natural disasters of floods, fire, tornadoes and hurricanes to man made disasters of bombs, explosions and war.  It's wondering how much should I fear the monsters of this world.  It's wondering if my niece keeps walking the path she's on, she at risk to be kidnapped into the sex trade or her life will just be over on this world.

When will the demise of this world stop?  Where can we go to get away from it all?  It seems the human race is bend on destroying all that is good, corrupting the innocent, violating each other in the deepest ways possible.

As my heart broke at the last incident, I couldn't help but wonder...Is this an opportunity?  An opportunity for God to move.  An opportunity for a revival to grasp the hearts and melt them.  An opportunity for God's people to stand up and become the tools of salvation for the God they love.

Opportunity brings hope.  It says tomorrow will be better, for we do our best today.  I am prone to doubt, yet if I see everything, every situation as an opportunity for God to move BIG, to show His mighty power, I can look past all the mess and right at the work God is doing.  I can see Jesus in the hearts of others.  I can allow the Holy Spirit to do His work and get out of the way!

Happy for you

A friend today finally came public on her success to have two books published.  I am very happy for her.  Yes, I aspire one day to be a novelist, I can truly say I'm happy for her and hope she has great success - along with looking forward to reading her work.

Yet, because of my own dream, I'm a little disheartened.  With myself, not her.  See I struggle with sharing my work, I posted on that before.  At different points I even felt God called me to give up this dream.  However, it comes back.  I'm disheartened because her bravery shows my cowardice. 

I flash back to kindergarten (come walk with me there).  It was the first time I remember having a whole room laugh at me and awakening a desire for it never to happen again.  I was alone in my play center and my teacher neglected to notice the rest of my group was absent.  I quietly played, put the babies to bed and sat down with my pretend cup of tea in the rocker.  A little boy pointed at me and said, "Hey look, she looks like a grandma."  Everyone laughed.  And did I mention my hair was in a bun?

It seems funny now.  I was so embarrassed and wished it to never happen again.  As any introvert knows, embarrassing things happen often. 

Fortunately, I've come along way.  Especially once I committed my life to God.  That memory is with me though.  It is a tool satan uses to keep me from moving forward.  I commit my writing to God.  If  When He sends someone my way to read my stories, I will give it out.  Writing is a gift God gave me for His glory, to be given to others.  To help them in their walk with God.