What to do?

I have this compulsive side that likes to know.  I want to plan, I want to have it all aligned.  Of course, it is completely differently to what faith is about and trusting God**.  Just another example of me needing to lay my life down to follow God.  He calls His people to a land of the unknown (Abraham), He calls us to battle with few resources (Gideon) and uses us in ways we couldn't imagine (Mary, but just about everyone who ever loved God.)

In this God is working great things in me so I can die to self.  When I want to plan and make decisions on my own on how things should be, I am focused on self.  I don't take into account others, nor do I really consider God. 

In Bible study, I was reminded of a time when I used the following verse to remain focused on work, not on the pain of my foot (see this post.)

so I sent messengers to them with this reply: "I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?" Neh 6:3.

And of course it applied to what I was doing with my self-focused planning.  I was allowing it to be a distraction - which is what the men addressing Nehemiah wanted - to stop the Lord's work.  As I reviewed the verse again, placed it above my kitchen sink again, the awe of the verse spoke to me.  I challenged my planning and I called the distractions what they were - attempts to get me to stop working on the great project before me - God's Kingdom.

What is distracting you?  What is consuming your thoughts?  Fight with your husband?  Fantasies of the perfect life?  Food?  Weight?  The worldly storyline of your favorite show?  

**(And I know all planning isn't out of God's will or sin for God wants His people to be prespared - I'm saying my self-focused planning was!)

My Schedule is Ruined!!

I set guards around calculating when I would be done with the last phase of counseling certification.  Knowing myself, I knew I would become focused on the end, not the journey and knew the disappointment, frustration and all that other stuff that would come when it didn't just happen.

Guess what?  It happened anyway.  I am down to the last part of my hours and calculated when I would possible be finished...and it wasn't the date in which I hoped for.  It wasn't the timing I wanted.  And all those emotions/distraction moved into my heart and sat there.

I prayed over it.  I asked for God's will, hoping that somehow my schedule would be His schedule.  The reasons I wanted to finish were clear - so I could move on to other things.  My attitude began to sour when a session was cancelled. 

I immediately moved to thanking God for the occasion rather than entertaining the pity party that wanted to avail itself.

Whenever the sour thoughts come, I praise God, declaring I trust Him, His timing purpose.

Then it hit me:  God is giving me the time now!  I don't have to wait until the end to do some things.  I can do them now - if I stop allowing empty activities to take away my time.

God is good to me (Psalm 13.)

No Room at the Inn

And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. Luke 2:7

We're approaching the day we celebrate the blessed event written out in Luke.  I was struck by this verse in my counseling study.

Presented with two solutions to every problem.  The problem of course is sin.   The first solution is remedial from within.  It is to search God's word to change the heart, to prepare for spiritual warfare.  It is the putting off of the sin.

The second solution is discipleship from without.  This is applying God's word.  It is the putting on of Godly fruit.  Being a disciple is making room for Jesus.  It is the only way to conquer life dominating sins.  It is filling my time, my thoughts, my anything I do with Jesus.  When Jesus has all of me, I don't have time for life dominating sin.  

Just as many centuries ago the crowd didn't have room for Jesus.  Now with Jesus in my heart, I do not have room for sin.  When He fills every space, He is all I want.  

We (God and I) are working together to get this done.  It is a life long process, so be patient.  It is a clear indication I'm not spending enough time with God and allowing Him to fill me fully when old life dominating sins that I have repented of come back.  Always be on guard, always be filled with Jesus.

Merry Christmas
Have a great Holiday, I'm on break until the new year.  Many Blessings to your family.

Stealing Time

Ephesians 3:15-16  Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

Last night I watched a program.  It referred to "stealing time" when a person spends their time at work on personal things or surfing the internet.  We are held to a higher standard than the "norm" that says we have a right to check email, read blogs and it is a must to check Facebook or twitter, ect.

Good thing for me, I don't "work" outside the home.  Oh, you know what happened then.  The Holy Spirit breezed in and said "this is what I'm talking about.  I sent this to you so you could fully understand what I'm trying to do in you."

So of course I've mulled it over, fell asleep and forgot.  Not to be forgotten long, for I read my daughter her devo for the morning and low and behold these verses above and the need to spend my time wisely was the charge of the day.

I need to be careful.  I need to be wise.  I need to make the most out of every opportunity.  I need to strive for excellence (not perfection).  Because the days are evil!  I need to be careful!  Be wise!  Make the most of every opportunity because the evil is waiting to lure to not be excellent, not be wise, not be careful, not make the most out of every opportunity.

Now my girl has returned to school, it is like New Year's for me.  A time I reflect on what I did last year and what I want to do this year.  A time to do __________ that I put off over the summer so I could devote my time to my girl (yes, cleaning bathrooms were on that list, I'm sorry to say).   

A week or so before school started, God made it clear I was putting to much preference on TV watching and if I continued as I was going, all those things I wanted to catch up on and the study I needed to do would be lost because of TV.  I'm also distracted by the internet surfing.  

So the message last night sunk in.  I'm stealing time away from God when I spend it on things I want, not on the good stuff He's given me.  I'm not so careful when I pursue information that is not needed (what is a best-boy grip anyway?).  I'm not wise when I plan to get a lot done then devote the morning to reading blogs and facebook and I'm definitely not making the most of my time.  I'm not being excellent.

This isn't to say all internet use is stealing or wrong.  You know in your heart when you've crossed the line.  You know when you need to shut off the TV, game or whatever that is distracting you from doing what God is calling you to do that day - clean your house, do the laundry, seek Me in my word.  Praise Me with music, with the cry of your prayers.  You won't be disappointed and you won't feel empty and you'll have accomplished the work before I've set before you.

 

Perform

Is my identity grounded in my performance or in Christ?  One of my books posed this question.
Oh, how this world says performance, performance, performance!  Identity in what job I have (oh, why hasn't God called me back to the workforce).  Identity in who I serve - the inflation of pride for their glorifying remarks (perhaps that's why I didn't get ask to serve much in the years gone by).  Thankfully I can see this is something God has worked (is working) in me for many years. 

When I was looking to be plugged in, God gently reminded me that He already plugged me in right where He wants me.  Why would I ever look elsewhere, especially of things of this world?  Why give into the identity of this world.

Sometimes I long to plug in to the world, to find my identity there, yet only in Christ do I have me - covered by His robe of righteousness.

Rejoice in that.  Be in awed by that.

 

Proverbs 10: 4-5

Proverbs 10: 4-5
Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth.  He who gathers crops in summer is a wise son, but he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son.

Again, I can see the truth in looking at my life.  During my 20s I was lazy.  My priorities were wrong.  When I had time to myself, I did nothing - which I sought more than anything.  It did make me poor- for I spent my money, time on gaining nothing but my own laziness (ex. eating out often).  I have made great strides in this area for the Lord has granted me motivation.  Motivation to spend my life loving Him and others.  I thank God for this motivation, that His wisdom is making me new!

Journey to Jesus Part 2

I then had an opportunity to go to Anne Graham Lotz's Just Give Me Jesus conference the same day as the  study (mentioned Part 1) - God ordained!  I knew most of the material she would cover already because of my past leadership positions.  However, I had a friend who needed to hear and learn.  Of course I was looking  nuggets of gold for my walk.  I wasn't left out.  The first night she walked us through the last days of our Lord Jesus on the earth.  With Easter not long ago, it was all still fresh in my heart and her story made it come to life.

I loved how she talked about Mary clinging to Jesus after she realized it was He outside the tomb.  Perhaps digging her nails in, trying to keep Him close.

So I had these visions of one Mary sitting at the feet of Jesus and another Mary clinging to Him.  When the conference was over, I felt the most convicted during the prayer time.  I didn't do all the things the speaker suggested when I prayed.  I was certain that the missing piece was prayer.  I had been circling that for months.  I asked God to reveal to me how I could improve my prayer time.  I decided to set my phone alarm to go off at 1 p.m. each day I was available so I could stop and prayer.  It was my first step toward improving my prayer time.

That went well for the most part - forming a new habit isn't always easy.  I made strides.  Yet it seemed something was still off.  Then in a week or so I went to a Mandisa concert (birthday gift).   I can't remember specifically what was said.  What I did know was it wasn't prayer that was missing, for I prayed all the time.  I prayed waking up and through out the day.  I have more of a rolling dialog with God.  I didn't need a formal time to improve my prayer life.

So if not prayer, what?  Praise time.  Time, just as the Marys above, to be in the presence of the Holy One and thank Him for all the abundance in my life.  To turn off the TV, the radio (unless I want to sing), turn away from the computer and just praise my Great and Awesome God.  It a time for just me and Him.  Not really for prayer requests.  Not really for Bible study, although both can be part of it.  It is to unplug from the world and plug in to Him.  

Life Principle: In the quietness of my heart - learn to love Him on a whole new level, to reset my focus from distractions to His majesty.

Journey to Christ Part 1

It's been something hanging over my head.  Something is off, I just can't figure it out.  I knew there was more.  I really enjoyed doing an additional Bible study to really dig into Luke.  I was prayerful and waited for God to reveal Himself.  What needed to change.

And he replied, You must love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself. Luke 10:27

In writing out this verse for my study time, the Holy Spirit revealed that is a four fold process to love God.  I looked up each word. 

• heart - inner, essential part 
• soul - essential part, spiritual part of man 
• strength - power, vigor -- physical muscles
• mind - the intellect 

How was I doing in each of these areas and how could I improve overall - for to love God, for it is the first command to uphold - always.  I meditated on this often and I thought of God, for in my mind that is how I love Him.

There is need of only one or but a few things. Mary has chosen the good portion [that which is to her advantage], which shall not be taken away from her. Luke 10:42

Then there was the story of Mary and Martha in Luke in the same chapter.  I thought of a woman I had the privileged of knowing just a few years of her life. My husband's grandmother. This woman never owned a dryer and would drag her clean clothes out of her basement, across the yard, to the clothes line - all year long - until her last year of her life (87 yo).

She is what would be consider fanatical about Jesus. As I grow closer to Him, I appreciate her love of Jesus all the more. It was important to her that her grandchildren and their mates know and love Jesus. After she had a stroke and was on her last year - she spoke her mind - she spoke of how good Jesus was - no matter what the conversation was going on around her.  Her example reminds me of Mary - choosing the better portion. To be so in love with Jesus that when my mind is not my own, it is on Him.  I wondered when do I allow my circumstances to distract me from sitting at the feet of Jesus?  Even with that question in my mind, I didn't fully grasp what it meant. 

Blessed Wait

via

I read a couple things about waiting.  The points made about the benefits of waiting really struck home.  The biggest thing about waiting is how I do it.  Is it with patience and understanding or impatience and frustration?

God moves in His own time and so does the rest of the world.  With our society saying get it now, it can be hard to wait with a great attitude.  I know I've done my fair share of waiting.  God has yet to disappoint me.  It has all been for my good.

If I take shortcuts to prematurely end waiting, it can be disastrous.  Imagine if Jesus took Satan up on his offer to give Him all the kingdoms of earth if Jesus would just bow down to him?  I shudder at the thought.

Some points on waiting:
Waiting causes anticipation, heighten pleasure.  A unopened present or letter on your birthday.  Your husband planning a special date and doesn't give you the details until your on it.  Just think of how children know something is going to happen and how much they look forward to it.

Waiting gives time for action.  We got over nine months to get ready for our daughters arrival.  Waiting to hear if I got a job gave me motivation to get things done so I wouldn't have it hanging over my head (I didn't get the job).  It's as simple as putting the dishes away or sweeping the kitchen floor while I wait for the water for my tea to heat up.

Waiting and planning brings appreciation.  Planning vacation, saving up the money to go, securing all the special places I'll visit along the way.  Last year I wanted a tablet.  I waited, planned, watched for sales, held a yard sale, saved a gift card.  When I finally found what I was looking for, it cost me very little out of my budget.

Waiting can be a protection.  God's timing is perfect.  If I trudge ahead in my own time, I may find myself over my head.  Kat waiting for me to walk her across the street or through a parking lot protects her from coming cars.

Waiting with a good attitude shows my maturity.  Patience comes with its buddy self control.  If I can wait with that good attitude, it shows my faith and trust in God.  I am thankful when God says 'No, this isn't My timing.'

Having a good attitude while waiting is a supernatural gift from God.  I resist my natural response to have what I want right now.  Life Principle:  I will not forfeit the promises God has for me with the compromise of pleasure today.  

Minimalist

For most of my life, clutter has come close to suffocating me.  While I'm in this frame of mind, I want to remind myself that I desire a minimalistic home.  I shouldn't desire to do craft projects that create things that collect dust and take up space - mainly craft space waiting for me to get around to doing the project.  Yes, Pinterest can be dangerous for someone who likes to do projects.  I desired to make several thing over break in December.  It was one of my frustrations since I had other things to do in that time.  Thankfully I was obedient to do what I needed to do, however, as I shared I didn't totally have the best attitude.  And another shout out for the attitude adjustment I received from my Father.

I wanted to create!!  There was so many wonderful things to do that would dress up my house.  Then the dust collector thought breezed through.  Do I really want more things sitting around for me to clean?  Uh, no.  I struggle at time to keep clean the bare minimum, I do not need to add to it.

I did make a one project times 3 with Kat.  We made the below painting as Christmas gifts for both Grandmas and Daddy. 

Life Principles: Minimize the things in my home.  Go through the house - what can I let go of?  What is no longer loved or useful?  Don't get caught up acquiring/creating things.

Unrealistic Expectation

They tie up heavy loads and put them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.  Matthew 23:4

After helping me give up my civilian rights for service of a solider, God revealed clarity to the attitude I had.  I had unexpected expectation for my free time in December.  I had three major events to plan and several to attend.  I wanted to keep our traditions right?  I wanted to make it another perfect Christmas for Kat.  All this was wrong thinking.

What I needed to do and what I wanted to do wouldn’t be finished if I have three months to get it done.  I had to let go and lighten up.  I did so at first with a bad attitude.  I prayed up on Kat’s birthday part so and thankfully how well that went.

With this revelation, God enabled me to let go of a lot of my projects.  He even moved me to a point to drop several of these projects completely, not just postpone them.  Most of these projects were crafty things or handmade Christmas gifts.  I mean really, December is not a time to do these things – yet it was my only free time in nine months, so I grasped for the wrong thing.

God moved my mind back to simplify.  I want to simplify, not add to the things I do.  If I fill my time with my things, I leave no room to do the things God has for me.

New Year Goals

I planned to make this post before the new year started.  Life has a way of changing that.  My girl returned to school today and Dale and I are full swing in regular routine (Ok, his started yesterday).

Things have changed since I made the below list.  I thought of deleting them, however they are all valid and part of the my plan for this year.  Yet, if they don't happen, I'm OK with that.

We'll start with the knee pain that started just before Thanksgiving.  I went to the doctor, the pain only increased, so I agreed to a MRI.  I basically have no cartilage on my knee cap.  They gave me the diagnoses that has 15 letters in just the first word.

Well, nothing says Happy New year than to find out your knees permanently shot.  Of course this all sent me to my knees (figuratively because it hurts!)  What was God's plan in this?  Didn't He give me the desire to go on a missions trip?  How could I do these things with a hip that hurt (right side) and a bad knee (left side).  It was touch and go for me emotionally.  I resisted giving into feelings of despair. 

Really, I have so much to be thankful for, I just couldn't allow myself to go there.  God knew this was happening in my knee (some bizarre issue that mainly plagues women and basically been happening since I was a child).  He knows and I can trust Him.

It brought me to the point of submission.  I was holding on to the plans God revealed to me, yet I was holding on to how I thought they should be carried out.  He revealed that I was placing to much value in many "things" that have no lasting value and not enough in Him.  I came to a point to yet again to say 'I want your way!'  I'm looking forward to the journey to draw closer to God, to maximize my health (and figuring out what that means), to come closer to completing the counseling training. 

1. Organize my home!  I started the process a while ago.  It's been an ongoing thing.  I made great strides last year tackling the garage, so I would love to continue.  Craft projects on hold, I want organized!
2. Regain my health.  I'll share over the next few weeks other health issues I'm having as I learn more.  My goal is to be healthier, stronger than I am today.
3. Complete the Level 2-5 of counseling training.  It will take all year.  Looking forward to learning more.
4. Grow a garden with Kat.  I have hopes that we'll get rain next summer and can grow fresh vegetables.  Nothing like cucumbers from the garden.  We've devoted a good section of the yard for a garden by removing some plant.  If not, I will go to the farmer's market more to get those veggies others were successful in growing.

Purpose of Garage Reveal

What's up with my reveal of my garage?  It doesn't really follow what this blog is about, does it?

Well, here's the story behind it. I need to simplify my life.  The things around my home that suffocate me and remind me of all I haven't done.  It is  spending time trying to find something and can't because it doesn't have a home so it is likely where ever it was last used and then buried under the next project.  

Releasing junk and getting rid of trash is trusting God as well.  If we keep an old wall outlet just in case something goes wrong with the ones in our home . . . where is that logic coming from?  Outlets cost less than a dollar.  I have a house full of them and if one goes bad I can go to another outlet.  I don't need to keep the one made in 1968 any longer.  I trust God that anything that went to the curb or was donated will be replaced if a need arises.  He has always cared for me.  I don't need to hold onto trash for security.

Freeing up space in the garage and in my house frees up me.  Instead of spending my time managing my things, I can do the things I love.  I can read a book in peace.  Create a painting or repurpose a frame.  

It's about caring for my home, being a good steward.  That is one of the essence of a Proverbs 31 wife.  She cares for her home.  She gets things done that need done to take care of her family. 

I know I can't do it all in one month, but I can tick away at each project, at each task until things are easier to manage because the clutter and trash is gone.  It's about making my home more hospitable.  It's realizing this work on my house is just as important as work else where, if I'm doing it for God.  He's called me to be the primary caretaker of my home.  I need fulfill that job the best I can.

Distracted

Distraction is a tool the enemy uses to make Christians ineffective.  I know I’m often distracted.  I posted on mind control, my need to know and now the rest of my distractions.

With the start of the school year, I have more time on my own.  God has set aside the next school year for me to focus my life on Him and go through the training to be a counselor.  It starts the fourth of September for the first level.  I’m excited to spend time studying God’s word and how to help people with it. 

Distraction:

~ Over schedule myself again.  I did this last year and was ineffective.  I’ve stood firm in my withdrawal of some of the serving that I do. 

~ I wasn’t going to look for a job, but a few clicks lead me to a part time job I would be perfect doing, however, it is not what God called me to do until I fully understand what I will need to do in my training. 

~ Diving into other Bible studies to where I’m so many that I won’t remember what I studied and it will turn into 'get it done.'  I don’t want to just do it, but want to allow God to speak to me in His way and to allow Him to change me. 

~ Books I want to read.  At one point I was reading three books at once and not remember what was in it.  So I put them all aside, focused on one to completion. 

It’s basically the ‘do it all’ mentality.  Wanting something to happen that I take it upon myself to make it happen.  I will trust God, His timing and provision.  I have said this to myself over and over as I said no to each distraction.  No to getting a job, no to joining additional Bible study, no to leading Bible Club, no to computer time, no to books or TV. 

I will do things one at a time, not set my extras on a self-imposed timeline.  I have things that will be on schedule, it silly to over schedule the extras.  The extras are to fill in the margin, not overflow to the important stuff.

Need to Know

With the Olympics going on, I wondered about some of the happenings.  The story behind the story.  With it being the last week my girl is home, I didn’t want to devote myself to these stories and miss my time with her.  It is something I don’t really need to know.

This had me thinking on my internet usage.  I love to search for information.  To look up anything that comes to conversation or mind that is not known.  Like what is the rules to handball?  This was my hubby’s request, not mine. 

How much time do I waste going over senseless bunny trails of the information highway?  It made me realize that I often forgo time with my girl for time gaining information that has very little usefulness.  Usefulness of what is in my life is something God is working in me right now (see August preview post).

I’m convicted on this point.  I don’t want my daughter to grow up thinking adults sit hours on end on the computer. 

So the change to the situation is to spend the less time on the computer right.  My actions will be:

• No more than fifteen minutes in the morning – to check email, news and anything else.
• While I’m with Kat in the afternoons – no computer time.  If I think of something I want to look up, I will write it down and look up during my next computer time.
• Ask myself if I’m looking up useful information?  Do I really need this information or is it something that distracts me from the eternal.  This point God is weighing on me, I’ll write more later.

So, Do I need to know or let go?

Eyes of a Child

Eyes of a child, to approach life like my daughter does.  Every situation is an opportunity to play.  The next adventure is only limited by the story you make up.  When you're bored with things - pretend you are someone else:  an adventeror, a detective, a niece set for global travel.


And more times than not, the animal of the day...penguins, polar bears, pandas, horses, dogs, cheetahs, dolphins...

Responsibility

I suffer from an exaggerated sense of responsibility.  I admit it.  And if I'm not careful, it will consume me.  

Things I've been known to do:

I correct children when their parents are present.

I don't ask for help because the other person will not follow through.

I take on the problems other people have and try to solve them.

I get depressed when I can't save myself or others from the heartaches of this life.

It's a waste of time.  

God has called me to do what He has called me and not to do anymore.  Allow others to have their responsibility.  Life is hard enough to do what's before me.  To take on what others are suppose to bare is to much.

What I'm not responsible for:

How others respond to me when I'm doing right.

What others say they will do and don't.

Trying to please everyone and still not doing that.

Generosity is an example.  I often worry about what will happen if I give something.  Will it be used wisely?  Will they value the sacrifice I made?  Then I ask those questions of myself in terms of the gift Jesus gave.  Do I use His gift wisely?  No, not all the time.  Do I value His sacrifice?  No always.  God calls me to give, not see that the gift is valued or used wisely.  It doesn't matter that the homeless man will sell the waterproof flashlight I give, I'm called to give.

So from time to time I take a look at my responsibilities.  I question if I'm giving what if truly mine enough attention.  Or am I giving more time to responsibilities that aren't mine?  I call these my reality check day. 

This is a Test...Part 2

Part 2 of this post

Test: People

I posted this before.  I have come a long way and allowed God to prune me in this. 

Isaiah 2:22 Stop trusting in mere humans, who have but a breath in their nostrils.  Why hold them in esteem?

People disappoint because we look to a person to fulfill a need only God can meet.

I posted before on seeking the approval of people.  Only God can validate me and He approves of His creation!

Test: Persistence 

How many times did I promise I would give up sweets, not eat that thing, then immediately go do that.  This test is about that.

When you make a promise to God, don't delay in following through, for God takes no pleasure in fools.  Keep all the promises you make to Him.  It is better to say nothing than to make a promise and not keep it.  Ecclesiates 5:4-5 (NLT)

This is to keep at it.  To do what is right. Would you make a big business venture with someone who will quit in three weeks?  How about quit the next morning?  In fifteen minutes?  I have to draw from the Holy Spirit's power.  I can not do it on my own, yet the Holy Spirit can't do it on His own either.  I have to be willing.  This has enabled me to give up sweets.  This has enabled me to stop other habitual sins in my life.

Test: Priority

People who don't know God and the way He works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how He works.  Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions.  Don't worry about missing out.  You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.  Matthew 6:33 (Mes.)

What is my priority?  Who is first in my life?  What do I think about most?  It was ‘fix me Lord’.  God showed me how I wasn't trusting Him.  Now I'm moving towards ‘help others’ because I expect Him to do that as well as to fix me.  

Where does the first part of my money go?  Am I giving enough to God?  

What about my time?  Do I spend it on me or being a blessing to others?  I posted before on wasting time.  God has worked and is continually working on this area.  I don't always make the best choices for my time.  I try to start my day focusing my mind on God.  Just as sleep is leaving my head, I turn to Him.  I give my day to Him.  Ask Him to be with me.  To weigh on my heart what He wants me to do, to direct my tasks.  Each day is different to what is added, yet this gets me focused on my day and I know He's with me.

When I first started praying for Him to prioritize my day, it went beautifully.  I dropped things that I thought were important and did the things He said were important.  And then it happened, that dreaded moment when conviction strikes, I'm doing something I want to do and it's not what God wants.  This combines the priority test with persistence test.  Will I follow His plan or do this little thing I want to do?  

If you never felt the Holy Spirit's conviction, ask God to help you change something in your life that you know needs changed yet you see it as impossible.  That nudging inside your heart when you're doing that thing...that's the Holy Spirit.

All in all, if you are going to experience a trial, go through a test, don't you want it to be fruitful?  I do.  I've gone through the same test over and over.  I'm ready to start learning so I can move on.  I want good to come from the bad.  I want to learn what good things God has for me.  

Words of Prayers...part 1

Prayer is powerful.  I'm learning to use God's word as a prayer.  What better prayer than to pray God's words back to Him?

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.  1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

I pray this for those I shepherd.  

¹You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.

² I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.
³ Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.
⁴ I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.
⁵ I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

⁶ On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night.
⁷ Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
⁸ I cling to you; your right hand upholds me.

⁹ Those who want to kill me will be destroyed; they will go down to the depths of the earth.
¹⁰ They will be given over to the sword and become food for jackals.

¹¹ But the king will rejoice in God; all who swear by God will glory in him, while the mouths of liars will be silenced. Psalm 63

This one just speaks words my soul has.  It resets my focus on God and how I spend my days.

MTC Study

Made to Crave Review
Page 43 in the participant guide.  Giving up secrecy and taking responsibility for my choices (adapted slightly).


This blog helped me open up more to express those thoughts that would float around, sometimes forgotten.  I am gaining confidence in what I write, what God is revealing, in my as His child.  Confidence where God is leading me.


Pondering my thoughts, often repetitive.  It can be exhausting at times to go over the same thought over and over.  This study has yet again reminded me (along with some revelation God sent my way) that I need to quit wishing certain things were different.  Either I need to drop the desire for change or seek God's plan for change and follow through.  

I, of course, chose God's plan.  I don't want to stay in my little box, only seeing the impossible, only to see how hard change would be.